Where is God? Is He a Monster?

“Our circumstances are not the window through which we understand His love, but rather we must view our circumstances through His love.” – Janet Linton (after the death of her baby 3 weeks before she was due to give birth)

Have you ever been crushed beneath the weight of your circumstances? Did you pray to God for help only to experience the brick wall of silence? Did you finally decide faith was a foolhardy enterprise for simpletons, and throw yours away like an old security blanket you had outgrown?

I recently learned the story of Leon Terblanche via a movie called, “Born to Win”. This semi-autobiographical account of his life details his earnest question: Where was God when terrible circumstances happened in his life?

As a young white boy living in South Africa, Leon was subjected to verbal and physical abuse by his family and then abandoned by his mother. A dark-skinned, African woman he called Mama, took Leon home and cared for him for a time and taught him about Jesus—even though caring for a white boy was inherently dangerous. Leon loved Mama and her son very much and was crushed when he was ripped away from them and returned to his real mother where the abuse continued. He cried to God to help him, but God did not answer. So, he grew up feeling disappointed and cynical about anything faith related.

As an adult, Leon became a teacher who worked with children with special needs. He married and had a daughter, but bitterness and resentment festered like an unhealed wound in his heart. He drank to mask the awful pain and his marriage suffered because of it.

I have often wondered why God allows evil and suffering. I am not alone. Leon’s gut-wrenching cry to God at a pivotal point in the movie caused my husband to say, “Do people really talk to God like that?”

I said, “Yep. It’s called ugly prayer.”

Have you ever ugly prayed? This usually involves clenches fists, sobs, and screaming. Did you know God hears and cares about your pain?

I have a several women friends who have been sexually assaulted. When they share their stories, I silently ask God, “Where were you? Why didn’t you stop it? Why didn’t you break down the door—like Superman—and throw those guys on their ear?” I have other friends who were betrayed and abandoned by their spouses. I know children of alcoholic parents, sisters and brothers of murdered family members, cancer survivors who watch friends with cancer die horrible deaths while they live with survivor’s guilt. If you hadn’t noticed, this world is seriously screwed up! And if you haven’t experienced excruciating pain yet, just wait—you will!

In the heat of human emotion, I tend to look at my present circumstance and think whatever bad thing happened was probably the worst thing that could happen. Conversely, I tend to think every good thing that happened was probably the best thing that could happen. I find as I age that these extremes are seriously short-sighted. Feelings—like circumstances—come and go. There is a whole world that exists outside of my experience, especially when I consider my neighbor who has MS, is on disability, and struggles to pay her bills.

My narrow perspective widens when I read the bible. This important historical narrative tells me human beings are immortal and created in the image of an immortal God. But while immortality holds a specific charm for some, it holds a notion of horror for others.

No one captures the themes of eternal life better than Peter Beagle (of “The Last Unicorn” fame). I recently picked up a book of short stories titled, “Immortal Unicorn” because it had his name on the cover. This collection of short stories addresses the beauty and terror of immortality. One such story titled, “Gilgamesh Recidivus” (P.D. Cacek) tells the tale of a man who tracks a unicorn through the barrens of Siberia to beg for death because—as it turns out—he is immortal. He has grown weary of the pain of watching the people he loves grow old and die.

Death is a significant part of the human experience, but the bible makes clear that human death is not the end of the story. The choices we make this side of death determine how we live on the other side of the door. God gives us the choice; life with Him in Heaven or an eternity of separation from Him. Some people relish the idea of an eternity without God. They think “no God” is a great thing. But “no God” also means none of the good gifts he gives to us. If God is the creator of everything “good”, what does eternity without Him look like? The bible is clear. It says when we choose to reject God we will live in a place of “weeping and gnashing of teeth.” Forever. And in that story, there is no unicorn to set us free.

God is the lover of our souls.

The thing that intrigues me about the gospel message is that not only is God present during our painful circumstances, He participates in them with us through the personhood of Jesus. He is not a monster! He is our savior! God recognizes that the most horrible thing that has happened to humankind is the curse of sin and the possibility of permanent separation from Him. His son, Jesus, extends his hands in hope that we will surrender our lives to Him and be saved from eternal death. He proved this way was true by allowing God to heap on Himself the sin of all humanity. Jesus took our punishment and died in our place on the cross. Three days later God raised him from the dead. The second half of the bible is eye-witness testimony to this fact.

The bible is a real “guts and glory” kind of book. From start to finish it explains the inception of humanity, where everything went sideways, and what God is doing to fix it for the best possible outcome—promoting His glory! One thing it is not, is boring.

Eventually Leon Terblanche’s daughter convinced him to go to church with her and he learned God was present during the worst moments of his life. Leon is now a pastor who offers this message of hope to people from Sedgefield, Western Cape, South Africa. When I reached out to him on Facebook to tell him thank you for sharing this message of hope, he asked me to make sure to share it with all of you.

Today, if the painful circumstances in your life make you question God’s character, I encourage you to read the bible. God is not defined by us. He is infinitely more than we can think or imagine. And incredibly, Dear Reader, He condescends to love you!

You can stream the movie, “Born to Win” online and I wholeheartedly encourage you to do so.

In conclusion, I want to share the words of Maltbie Babcock from the beautiful hymn.

“This is my Father’s world. Let me never forget. That though the wrong seems often so strong, God is the ruler yet. This is my Father’s world. The battle is not done. Jesus who died will be satisfied and earth and Heaven will be won.”