How often have we used the phrase, “What goes around, comes around?” Like a giant cosmic boomerang, we sardonically point at those who persecute us and celebrate the hope that their offences will “come back around” to whack them upside the head. This is especially pertinent in the workplace when we who have no power are taken to the woodshed over minor incidents and made to feel as if our efforts are—if not worthless—then at least completely trivial. The project we expended so much energy on, lost sleep over, and poured our life’s blood into is discarded with a simple, “That’s not what I asked for. You’ll need to start over.” We crumple. We retreat. We embitter. And we seethe with disappointment because we really have no recourse for retaliation.
Those who know me well know that I used to work for a bad boss. He was the epitome of casual heartlessness and made my days at work a passive hell because I never knew exactly when, like a poisonous viper, he would strike. He was proud of his nasty reputation (yes, he would actually boast about how everyone hated him) and took great delight in torturing those who reported to him.
One fine winter day we were in the process of planning a spring training conference to which most of our department would travel. I was responsible for logistics and general administrative responsibilities. I very much liked the other fellows on my team and wanted to play a practical joke on them while we were on the trip. Namely, I wanted to put plastic bugs in their hotel rooms. This stemmed out of their stories from travel all over the continental United States and some of the horrors they had experienced in low-budget motels (leftover toenail clippings and assorted skin scrapings-oh my!). I asked the hotel if I could gain entrance to my co-worker’s rooms in order to place the roaches, spiders and ants, but they told me I needed approval from my boss, to whom I will affectionately refer to heretofore as “The Toad.” (there’s a story behind that as well but I’ll save it for another day)
And so I went into The Toad’s office and asked if I could do this prank for fun. And he said, “Only if I get to play a little prank too.” He described the prank he wanted to play on the gentlemen I worked with. I personally thought it was awful and I wanted to say no, but I really wanted to have fun on the trip and so I awkwardly let him do that terrible thing. And I can still see the men walking out of his office with their faces completely dismayed after having been notified that their careers were over because their co-worker, Margaret, had accused them of sexual harassment.
20 years have passed since this seemingly minor workplace event. There are days when I wonder why I allowed The Toad to torture my friends (for they were surely my friends) in such a despicable way. Why didn’t I somehow thwart his evil plan? Or why didn’t I find another way to have fun with my co-workers on our trip? I can chalk the experience up to my youth and inexperience and a handful of other excuses that make me more comfortable, but when applied to the Karmic response of the boomerang, I have to admit I’m a little nervous.
I’ve been taking some lumps at work lately and when I consider past workplace indiscretions (of which this is a very minor example), I think shoot, maybe this is what I deserve. For it sure is comfy to say, “what goes around comes around” when it applies to someone else but it doesn’t feel very nice when applied to me.
I had lunch with a friend recently who told me that he very much strives to live a perfect life. He is kind, generous, thoughtful and caring. He lives in such a way as to make a positive difference in the lives of those around him. He said, “God created people as imperfect. I don’t know why, but he did. And so I hope that when we die God judges us on intent, knowing that we did the best we could.”
I’ve thought a lot about that conversation since we had it, not the least of which was one morning this week after my son sent me a text message to notify me that he was driving to the courthouse to get married. I was shocked and disheartened because I wanted to witness that sacred event and I felt robbed of being present. Worse, I learned later that he had told others this was planned for months, but he had not shared it with me. And while I knew he was engaged and that they were planning a ceremony of sorts, his 4-word text sent me reeling into a state of broken heartedness.
So when I found myself jogging through my neighborhood the next morning while thinking about my own youth and all of the vain seeds I sowed in blissful ignorance, I felt this whack upside my head. I thought about my own mother and the tears she shed over the many ways I disregarded her advice, railed against her wishes and better judgement, and rejected the love that would have spared me future pain. I thought, is this what happens when what goes around comes around? And I wept bitter tears of regret.
For there certainly was a time I did not strive to live a life that served others but rather spent all my time and energy serving myself. And if there is a scale that weighs all of my mistakes and willful selfishness against the good deeds I strive to do (many of which are pridefully motivated), I figure I’m pretty much doomed.
Have you ever had such thoughts? Have you ever walked a dark path and considered how very much you deserve the hurtful thing that has been done to you? Have you experienced the guilt and shame that accompanies it? If you have not I will tell you something; it is a double wound! And it throbs like ones bowels are spilling out. And if the only hope I have is that, like Earl Hickey, I must rectify my former sins in order to avert the baleful repercussions, I am just really, really worried.
But, dear reader, this is why I love the gospel message. The gospel is a message of peace because it teaches me that if (it reminds me that though my sins be as scarlet, they will be as white as snow) I surrender my will to God—my will to do things my way—Jesus takes the punishment/repercussions for my mistakes/transgressions instead of me. Yes, human beings are imperfect! I believe this is the curse of sin and we just cannot get away from it. Sin is constantly maligning all of my wishes to do good things and twisting them into absurdities. I was born into a dreadful curse from which my only hope of escape is through the free gift of God—his only son—who takes my sins and crucifies them on his cross. Surrendering my will is often much more difficult than I anticipate but the freedom from guilt, shame and the “cosmic boomerang” is immensely gratifying.
Today if you find yourself beaten down and despondent because it feels like what goes around truly does come around, please know that God sees your predicament and grieves with you. And then know that because of his love and care for you, He made it possible for the boomerang you deserved to be thwarted into the heart of his very own son. And all you have to do is accept his free gift of grace and then rest in peace. And dear reader, if you have never experienced it, please know that the peace of God truly does transcend all understanding.
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