What’s My Motivation?

“I don’t have time.”
“I can’t give up soda.”
“I just don’t feel like working out.”

I used to think healthy people were stupid. Well, I didn’t really think they were stupid, I just hated them. I mean, what kind of lunatic would work out where there is a perfectly comfortable couch and Felicity to watch? Those super crazy healthy people were all bouncy and peppy and smiley. Like, why would I ever want to be like that? I liked my depressed state. I was all moody and mysterious and dark and twisty (like Meredith from Grey’s Anatomy).

So why did I feel all dead inside? Why was I embarassed to go out in public? Why did I feel like a constant failure? I won’t go into all the details about how poorly I felt about myself. I liked to rationalize my choices. I lived the way I wanted to live, until I didn’t want to live that way anymore.

So this is what I need to start telling people who say, “I don’t have any motivation.” I need to say, “It’s your life. Live the way you want to live. If you like being fat, stay fat. Eat unlimited Doritoes and Orea Cookies. I know they’re yummy. Enjoy!”

But for those of you who do want to get in shape and change your life, just do it! Here’s how I roll.

I am really struggling with the cold weather. I can’t seem to put on enough layers to warm me for walks outside. I want to run but since the orthopedic doctor told me I have damaged cartilage in my left hip, I can’t. It makes me sad and cranky, but I just can’t. So, I pouted for a minute and then moved on. Some days I just can’t wrap my mind around pretending to be a hamster. I mean, my elliptical machine is da bomb but no amount of JOY fm can get me through it. Today I woke up and saw pink clouds from my kitchen window. Pinks clouds mean the sun is shining! I was so excited I started to get like those stupid healthy, peppy people.

I put on layer after layer after layer of clothes and two pairs of socks. I plugged into my tunes and took off out of the front door. And it was COLD! And I had the same thought I have every morning I step outside in the winter. “I’m going back in!”

But I didn’t. I kept walking because I know that about half way through my walk I’m going to warm up and get a burst of energy. When my heart rate speeds up, I get a happy feeling that starts in my toes and radiates out through my fingers. I love that feeling. So you ask, what’s my motivation? I feel GREAT when I work out. I’m not always in a good mood, don’t mistake me, but my endorphins activate my brain and it is wonderful.

I started working out because I wanted to lose a chunk of weight. I hated it for a long time. It was a chore. But somewhere along the way I fell in love with it. Walking, running, cycling, roller skating… I love it! I frequently listen to my audio Bible. With no distractions I can absorb the words. I downloaded it for $7.50. Amazing! And the very best thing about my workouts is it is usually the only time I get to myself.

So here’s the thing, since I had to give up running it’s hard for me to get my heart rate up like I used to. So instead of pouting, I decided to do fist pumps. Fist pumps to the front, fist pumps to the sky and flappy wing fist pumps to the side. Passersby give me the funniest looks and you know what I say, “Hello! How are you today?”

And you know what they say? “Hi.”

And then they get that look, the one that says they think I’m some kind of crazy, healthy, peppy, person. And you know what? I can live with that.