Somebody Save Me!

Evil is all around us. It is in the air we breathe(pollution), the entertainment we participate in(television/movies/internet), and in our daily commute(pesky drivers!). It is also prevalent in the natural world. This morning I gazed out of the window to see a tiny song sparrow feeding a large brown bird. The large brown bird flapped its wings and cried as if to say, “More food! I’m hungry!” In the moment I thought it was adorable. But then it occurred to me that something “fowl” was afoot. I watched as the song sparrow became clearly exasperated and eventually flew away. The large brown bird squawked and followed. In that moment it occurred to me that this wasn’t a cute Disney moment. The song sparrow wasn’t feeding the bird because it felt sorry for it, or because it had taken an orphan under “its wing”. (More puns, sorry). The song sparrow had been duped, and that to me feels like an egregious evil.

You see, Cowbirds(the big brown bird) don’t raise their own young. They are a parasitic breed. They find and stalk the nests of other birds and lay their eggs in them while the parent is away. Sometimes, they even destroy the eggs of the parent bird to ensure their egg isn’t rejected. I felt a little sick when I read that because I hadn’t seen any baby song sparrows in the aforementioned scenario. In my mind, I saw the mother Cowbird shoving the Song Sparrow eggs out of the nest in lieu of her own, and then fly away to raid the nest some other unfortunate bird. This is how Cowbird’s reproduce; by killing the young of others and tricking the parents into raising them as their own. If this isn’t evil I don’t know what is. In fact, if this happened in the human kingdom I’m pretty sure there would be a 60 Minutes special dedicated to the ensuing investigation. And here I’ve always thought The Ugly Duckling was a beautiful story about love and acceptance when in reality it’s a story of a poor mother duck that’s been the victim of a con artist goose.

How am I supposed to respond to such evil? My dad said he is tempted to shoot the Cowbird and stop the cycle. But killing the innocent bird seems wrong too. After all, the baby is not responsible for its parent’s behavior. Still, the behavior of the breed itself seems evil(in my humble opinion), and if Cowbirds didn’t act that way the species would die out, wouldn’t it?

What is the answer to such a conundrum when the evil is genetic?

I have been thinking a lot about the current state of our world and my place in it. Superficially, I feel the temptation to condemn or condone current events via rogue comments on social media. No matter which stance I take I am certain to offend someone, and so therefore I frequently refrain. Better to stay silent and be considered wise than to speak out loud and confirm I’m a fool. Still, my heart aches over what I consider to be the many great evils that are so prevalent in our society. The tender-hearted side of me cries out for a solution. I want justice. I want peace. But neither justice nor peace is anywhere to be found. Not in our government. Not in my neighborhood. Not in my own sin-infected heart.

As I rode my bike this morning, my thoughts cried out for an answer to the unspeakable evil in my own life and I felt the talons of despair draw blood. While I may appear rational and sane most of the time, in private I simmer constantly with cravings, resentments, and fears. As I compared all of the good things I want to do to help others against the backdrop of my own broken and flawed body, I found myself screaming into the void. All I could think was this, “I am utterly helpless. I need someone to save me.”

Now maybe you are reading this and thinking, “That Margaret sure has a lot of problems but I’ve got life all figured out.” Okay, so maybe this blog isn’t for you. You are hereby excused. If that’s not your stance, I entreat you to keep reading.

Most of my life I have formed opinions based on my personal experiences and they are, in general, in line with the way most people think. Bullying is wrong. Stealing is bad. Child porn is wicked. I generally form these opinions based on the culture around me and how they define good and evil. But as time wears away the sharp edges of my black/white perspective, I find that my opinion of myself has evolved over time. Whereas I used to think of myself as a pretty good person, I now consider that I’m more like the Cowbird.

I have decried people I know for blatant racism, but I myself have hated certain black people over the years. This was especially true for the grade school bully who took great delight in tormenting me(and many others).

I have hated certain church people who didn’t meet my (selfish) expectations. So much so that for a while I walked away from my faith.

I have preached abstinence but I have not been abstinent.

I have pursued relationships based on what I could gain from them rather than what I could give.

I have taken solace with food and leaned on the crutch of addiction with relative ease. And then I have looked at others and thought they were lazy and fat.

So when I consider the Cowbird, I am grieved. Because no matter how much I try to do what is right, no matter how diligent I am to keep my thoughts innocent and pure, no matter how patient and loving and kind I fight to be, at the end of the day, I still seek to serve myself and shove my neighbors eggs out of his nest so I can lay my own.

All of these thoughts drive me to the cross. It is the only place of solace for me. There I consider Christian(of Pilgrim’s Progress) and the peace and freedom he felt as he laid down his burden and watched it roll away. And when my thoughts are as dark and twisty as they are today, Jesus is my only recompense.

Evil is real. It is in the face of the pedophile, the thirst of the addict, and my own festering heart. So when my dark days stretch out and I find myself at the end of my effort, I cry out, “Somebody save me!” And for some reason I will never understand, Jesus always does. He delivers me from evil. Today if you recognize the evil in your own heart and are brave enough to ask, He will save you too.