One thing that drives me crazy about food addiction is that I am never satisfied by the things I crave most. If I decide to “treat” myself with ice cream, one bowl is never enough. The same goes for cookies. Two is never enough. The more I eat, the more I want. Therefore treating myself only makes my craving worse. Also, the more I eat sweet snacks, the more I build up a tolerance for them. One day I can stop at 8 cookies. The next day I can eat twelve before I get sick. And don’t get me started on food hangovers. They are real and also psychologically devastating.
The same cannot be said of exercise. Exercise is extremely rewarding. Not only do I enjoy exploring the world via walking or cycling, I am very satisfied when I complete my course. Maybe this is why weight loss guru’s say “drop the snacks and go on a walk instead.” The problem for me is, I never really stop thinking about food and wanting it, even when I’m exercising. Therefore even exercise is not truly satisfying, especially when a lot of it makes me hungrier!
Satisfaction is a real problem for me. In fact, I think it’s part of the human condition. All of us want something and for the lack of it, we suffer. The single person wants a mate. The unemployed person wants money. The Californian wants water. Most of the time we get what we want only to realize it doesn’t satisfy us the way we thought it would.
I had a conversation with my friend Janice today at work. She has lost over 200 pounds and by all accounts is a very happy person. Still, she said, “I always thought when I lost the weight it would solve all my problems. The trouble is, it only created new ones.” Oh, Sister! Don’t I know it? Losing weight is hard work but also very exciting work. The hope and expectation of fitting into that next smaller dress size is very motivating, but once it’s gone, maintaining the weight loss can be grueling. Even worse, once you lose the weight, your metabolism slows down so you eat less permanently.
Aside from the physical trouble of maintaining permanent weight loss comes the social and psychological problems. Relationships change because so much of our culture is food oriented. People mean well when they say, “You should treat yourself” because they don’t understand the addiction that made one heavy in the first place. Pressure from friends who are overweight increase due to jealousy and pressure from fit friends increase because they expect you to keep the weight off. It can feel like a no win situation. I have even feared for my career in the event I gain the weight back because people now expect me to stay in shape, as if I’m a robot and not a human being who still loves to eat. Therefore I am also trying to manage the expectations of others rather than focusing on who I am. In that respect, how could I ever possibly be satisfied if pleasing others becomes my main focus?
What’s the answer?
Sacrificial living is spiritually fulfilling.
It seems trite to say I never regret encouraging and motivating others. When I take time out of my busy life to listen to a good friend who is going through a difficult time, I am extremely satisfied. It makes me feel full in my soul, even if I can’t change their circumstances. I feel like it gives my life purpose. The same can be said for spending time with my children. Children are by nature very selfish creatures. They will ask and take and then say, “You don’t love me at all!” Still, there is nothing more rewarding than getting my socks beat off playing a game of Rummy. Their exultation at having beaten their mother is my reward and it brings me great joy. It doesn’t make a lot of sense, but putting others needs before my own is, for some reason, very gratifying.
There’s a reason why it’s call the great outdoors.
When my emotional bank account is running low, I fill it up by exploring nature. This morning I found great satisfaction by walking around my neighborhood. I chose to ignore the litter strewn street and see instead the crescent moon and iridescent stars. I enjoyed the waggle of my dogs butt(go ahead and laugh, my Boxer has a great butt!) and the persistent way he insisted we chase squirrels. Unfortunately for Tank, we did not chase any squirrels, but(pun intended) we did get a compliment from a Ferguson Police officer(“That’s a cute dog you have there!”). We also found the secret hiding place(i.e. speed trap) for a Calverton Park officer. Hint: do not speed down Elizabeth Avenue in Calverton Park at any time of day. I also exchanged quite a few hoots with an owl. It was delightful calling out into the darkness and knowing I was heard, if only by a fluffy, big eyed bird. It seems simple to say getting outside is rewarding, but it works for me.
It’s like music to my ears!
I was having a particularly difficult day earlier this week and my friend Natalie sent me some music via Spotify from a group called “All Sons & Daughters.” She said, “They feed my soul.” Yep! Good tunes are a healing balm to the sore heart —oh, and yes, very satisfying!
Today I resolve that when I am feeling less than satisfied I shall pursue the three options listed above in no particular order. In fact, maybe I should have them tattooed on my forehead backwards so that when I look in the mirror it will be impossible to forget them. If I am to live out my life with purpose, I should never stop striving to improve it. If I improve myself, I will be more able to feed into the lives of others. Notice I do not say live my life the way others want me to. Don’t do that! But if life is precious—and I believe that it is—I must do everything in my power to deny the selfish impulse to spend my fleeting moments in the pursuit of self-gratification. Or in the words of a wise man… chasing after the wind.
“And whatever my eyes desired I did not keep from them. I kept my heart from no pleasure, for my heart found pleasure in all my toil, and this was my reward for all my toil. 11 Then I considered all that my hands had done and the toil I had expended in doing it, and behold, all was vanity and a striving after wind, and there was nothing to be gained under the sun.” –Ecclesiastes 2:10-11
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