Safety amid free-falling fears

Have you ever dreamed you were falling and then woke up with a shock wave running through your body? Did you sit up in bed and put your feet on the floor just to feel something steady and secure? Did you thank your lucky stars it was only a dream and quickly fall back asleep? Or did you lay awake in fear that you would have the dream again?

The fear of falling ranks right up there with the fear of spiders, snakes–or in my case, bears. When I am afraid, I just want someone to hold me. I want steady arms wrapped tight around my shoulders and a soothing voice to say, “Margaret, you are safe.”

We often live with the illusion of safety.

For instance, I thought I was safe from bears. Sure, I know there are bears in the country by our cabin, but I’ve never seen one. A few nights ago I was searching for cell service near dusk on a gravel road when a neighbor casually mentioned that I should be very aware of my surroundings. She said she recently watched a big, brown bear snuffle around in her front yard and then meander down the road and down my driveway. You could have stuck a fork in me. I was DONE. I said, “Well, I am armed. If any old bear comes charging at me, I’ll just shoot it.” But the neighbor told me it’s against the law to shoot a bear unless it’s within seven feet of me and it is charging. I imagined a large mouth with sharp, white incisors and a murderous look in some big brown eyes walking in my direction. Then I imagined trying to reconcile the notion of not being able to defend myself because of a law written by a staunch, wildlife conservative. Then I quickly walked straight back to my cabin and locked myself inside.

I am afraid of bears, but I am also afraid of the strange dystopian future I am living in. A few months ago, I finally felt I had enough historical knowledge to read Animal Farm. I have done a little studying on socialism, communism, and collectivization. When I finished “the fairy story”, I decided it might be important to read 1984 as well. These are books I’ve heard about for years, but nothing could have prepared me for the actual experience of reading them. The closest thing I can equate it to is watching a car crash in slow motion from inside the vehicle. I concurrently know what is happening, I physically see it happening, I want it to stop happening, but I am powerless to resist the thrall of seeing it through to the end. Neither story had a happy ending, by the way. That was the point. Mr. Orwell wrote them as a warning to future generations.

One of the most interesting components in the book was the telescreen. It is described as “receiving and transmitting information simultaneously.”

“Any sound that Winston made, above the level of a very low whisper, would be picked up by it, moreover, so long as he remained within the field of vision which the metal plaque commanded, he could be seen as well as heard. There was, of course, no way of knowing whether you were being watched at any given moment.” 

Every time I read about the telescreen, I self-consciously felt my android phone listening to me and watching me. Everything I do is tracked by the device “for my benefit” so they can “customize my experience”. And by using the device I consent.

I recently had a terrible scare with a scammer. A police detective told me afterwards, “There is no longer any expectation of personal privacy.” The evil man bent on robbing me got a few tidbits of information and called me on my cell and proceeded to scare the living daylights out of me by pretending to be a Sheriff saying I had a warrant for my arrest for missing Federal jury duty. It was so convincing it took me several hours to stop believing in the lie.

Fear is everywhere all the time. And worse, much of what George Orwell wrote about has come to pass. We make light of “Big Brother” with a television show as if we are immune. I cannot stress enough the impact this book had on me. It was terrifying. There was literally no hope.  (Spoiler alert!) The Party had complete control over the population. End of story.

Except that in real life, that isn’t the end of the story.

The culture we live in is so saturated with a godless ideology that many times we forget the author of life. We fear bears forgetting the One who made them. We fear the government, forgetting the ultimate sovereign power that rules the universe. We fear sickness and death because we have neglected to remember that when our bodies die, life goes on.

I frequently suffer from nightmares. Sometimes they are so real as to cause me intense physical anxiety. This morning was one such morning. First, I dreamed I was in a parking garage watching a maniac stab a co-worker to death. He then began to chase me. Then I dreamed a terrible thing about one of my sons. I woke up in shaking and crying. I felt the fear all over me like a second sticky skin I couldn’t schluff off. It took me some time to calm down, but when I got down on my knees and began to pray, a snatch of a bible verse quieted my soul. It began, “Fear not, for I am with you.” (Isaiah 41:10) And I remembered that God is still God. And with that, I felt tears of relief quiet my troubled heart.

“He is real.” I whispered. “He is good. He is God. And He loves me!”

I am not free-falling. I am never alone. I am His and He is mine. I am safe in His arms.

Tooki

I feel as safe as this little bird does in my hand. She trusts me because I rescued her and care for her. Whenever she is afraid, she flies directly to my hand and snuggles down. I keep her safe. That is how I am with my Father.

I wonder what will happen if I ever meet a bear. I pray the day never comes. I wonder how George Orwell’s books would read if he had believed in a good and loving God. They might have read something like Corrie Ten Boom’s biography after a “bookkeeping” error saw her released from a death camp a day before the rest of the inmates were gassed. Upon release she set out to exemplify God’s message of forgiveness and love – evidenced by her sister, Betsy (who died in the camp).

Today if you are fearful, fly to the One who will make you safe. There is no need for free-falling fear!