Compassion From A Faithful Friend

“Thy compassions, they fail not.” – Thomas Obediah Chisholm

The phone rang out in the night, a shrill call at 2:18am that had me instantly worrying about my children. No one calls in the middle of the night unless it is an emergency. So I jumped out of bed. I stumbled around, thumping my toes on mysterious objects, as I reached out into the darkness for the loud ringing noise. My husband found it before me. I listened in the darkness. He finally spoke.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” He said. “Wrong number.” And all I could do was stand there; feeling like someone who has belly flopped onto the ground and is waiting for the oxygen to return to my lungs.

I climbed back under the covers and eventually I must have dwindled back to sleep because I woke again at 4:58am with that dread that comes with not getting enough sleep. The day stretched out before me like a tightrope I was not prepared to walk. And I have to be candid, the first few steps were quite a doozy.

I have been ill all week. I cover my illness to the best of my ability and try not to complain, but the weakness has settled deep into my bones. I try and will it away, but my body doesn’t cooperate. I have taken hot baths with lemon and Epsom salt to kill harmful bacteria. I have taken medications to stop my sinuses from exploding. I have even tried rubbing homeopathic remedies on my feet! (I still feel weird about that). But I am no better than I was on Monday. Sometimes we do everything we can to alleviate our sickness and still, healing does not come.

Some Christians will say that I’m failing. They might say my faith is not big enough. Or maybe I have hidden sin. Some might even get tired of reading this and “change the channel.” After all, sadness and sickness are unpleasant to be around. Walk into a crowd and start coughing and see how people react. I would bet no one comes close to pat your back or offer a comforting touch. We are all so afraid of being infected.

This morning, as I struggled through my morning routine with intense physical pain and nausea, I felt a mystical joy well up inside of me along with a snippet of a hymn. I probably sang “Great is They Faithfulness” about a thousand times growing up, but it has taken on new meaning to me as an adult. Today God told me very sweetly that his compassions will never fail me. Even in weakness. Even in pain. Even in depression. He is with me. He brought the big broom and swept away any thoughts of failing or not doing life the right way. It was as if he touched my arm while I was coughing and said, “Peace. I am here. I will never leave you.”

There are people who will tell me following Jesus is crazy. They will say he is too narrow. Or maybe they will even say he restricts me from living life to the fullest. To them I would say this; He is the giver of great peace in the midst of life’s most turbulent storms. My weakness reminds me that I can never be enough in my own strength. And just like Peter, that apostle of old, who stepped out onto the waves and began to sink, Jesus takes my hand and saves me from the waves. May everyone reading this today know that kind of reassurance.

A Life Preserver for the Drowning Man

Misery is an all too common experience for humans. If we can experience pleasure, we can experience pain. Sometimes those sensations are even coexistent, as with the pulse of the beating heart of an addict. Sometimes it happens that the very thing we crave the most, and that gives us some relief from living in this broken world, is the very thing that causes the most pain. When we live in such a dreadful place, we feel the walls closing in—the trapdoor has slammed shut—and all we can do is scream, “Help! Somebody help me!”

Even worse are the charlatans who promise hope and deliver empty husks. They take our money, our time, and our sense of dignity, while they laugh—usually all the way to the bank.

I remember what it was like to look into my closet and realize nothing fit. The dryer shrank my clothes again and I would have to go shopping. I remember feeling like there were hands wrapped around my throat, squeezing. I didn’t enjoy shopping. I didn’t want to buy bigger clothes. Shopping made me sad and I honestly didn’t know what to do to stop the madness. So I went to The Supplement Superstore and bought 2 bottles of pills. These pills promised to stop my appetite and help me burn fat. And they weren’t cheap. A week later it was obvious that the pills didn’t work. Also, they made me feel jittery. So I quit taking them—even though they were expensive and I didn’t want to lose my investment(about $200). Even worse, I started to get terrible headaches and realized they only went away when I took more pills. I was furious. I stared at the white, black and red bottles. I thought about the man who sold them to me. “Why? Why did he lie to me?”

Obesity is a curse. I am cursed. I inhabit a body that finds great pleasure in eating but is extremely efficient. I live in a society that constantly flashes images of tasty food at me and tells me I should indulge. They lie too. But it took me a really long time to see it. Once I did, I got just as angry as I did at the supplement man. Because when I realized that some people live only to take advantage of my weaknesses for the sole reason of lining their pockets, I wanted to fight back. The problem was I didn’t know how.

Recently a friend showed me a bar he has been eating to “curb his appetite.” It’s green and looks like a well-formed turd. I’m not kidding. Even worse, when I looked at the packaging, I see it has 190 calories in it—almost as much as a candy bar. The packaging claims that the ingredients slow down digestion and therefore make the consumer hungry less frequently. My friend is not losing weight. He is frustrated. I am too. I want to tell him, “Why don’t you just eat some fruit or vegetables? Add some peanut butter. That will slow down digestion.” But he won’t listen. He believes the box over me. And that, my friends, is the power of marketing. The truth is, sometimes we are drowning and even though someone throws us a life raft, we push it away. We refuse it because it’s not shiny and new. We refuse it because we like our lake. We refuse it because we are flailing in our agonies and think it can’t really save us. So we breathe in the water and we sink.

Are you sinking today? Would you like a real life preserver? Here’s my attempt to throw one your way.

You must cut sugar out of your diet

no sugarI know it sucks. But sugar is not your friend(even if you think it is). And since most processed food has refined white sugar or corn syrup in it, the very best thing you can do is eat whole foods. “OMG!” You say. “I can’t do it!” Yes you can. And if you want to stop drowning, you must. It’s one of the very first things they will tell you in OA(Overeater’s Anonymous). No sugar.

Water is your best friend. Drink it. Lots of it

waterWhen you wake up in the morning, drink a big glass of water before you even think about eating. Instead of reaching for that mid-morning snack, drink a glass of water instead. “But water is gross!” you say. “Water is not only ugly, it’s stupid too!” (my youngest child tells me this all the time). Okay. I get it. You think water is stupid. Your body does not. Your body wants water and lots of it. Many times your body says, “I am hungry. Feed me, Seymour!” when what it really wants is water. Which leads me to my next point…

Unless your stomach is growling, you are not hungry

hungerI have a phobia about hunger. I do not like it. Not one bit. But hunger has been a friend to me. Hunger reminds me I am burning fat. If you want to lose weight, you must manage your hunger. Only you know your body. So don’t listen to whoever says, “eat small meals every two hours” or “Only eat 1000 calories per day.” Listen to me. You must learn to hear what your body is saying. You must get to know it so that you can tame its passions. That is part of the journey. I know I am hungry when my belly gurgles or hurts. Only then am I allowed to eat. And even then I eat smaller portions.

Have Fun with Food

strawberriesGet excited about your journey. Plan. Prepare. Look up healthy recipes. Try foods you’ve never tried before. I remember going to a fancy grocery store and picking up exotic fruits for dessert. I tried vegetables I hadn’t tried before. I looked up recipes to cook them. I love food. I didn’t want to sacrifice flavor for what little I could eat. And then I realized the world was my oyster! I learned about cumin, paprika, lime(for marinades) thyme, etc. Suddenly the healthy foods I was making were actually quite tasty. Vegetables like sweet potatoes and carrots took the place of French fries. Lean meats replaced greasy burgers. Yogurt and fruit replaced cereal. I was full, satisfied and felt better physically. Win/win!

Move

just moveIf you have been sedentary for a long time it will be hard to move. Move anyway. I once read about a woman who was chair-bound because of her weight. She would flap her arms and rock out to music from her chair until she lost enough to walk. Find something that is relatively fun and that you can stick with. I never liked gyms, but I loved the outdoors. Walking was a fun way to make myself sweat and see the earth and sky. I started with 15 minute walks and then walked longer as I got stronger. That is how I lose the first 100 pounds; eating less and moving more. If you have the capacity to move, you are better off than some who can’t. Don’t waste what you have. Move!

Set your mind like flint

Make a decision and stick to it. Don’t fudge. Don’t take “cheat” days. Don’t make excuses. If you can’t exercise one day, you’ll need to eat fewer calories. If you eat a batch of chocolate chip cookie dough in a weak moment…throw what you haven’t eaten away(I promise—it’s okay to throw food away. Better the trashcan is fat than you). Distance yourself from people who say, “You have worked so hard—treat yourself!” Treating yourself is how you got stuck in the trap. Remember that you want out of the trap more than anything in the whole wide world. When cravings come, remember the lies. When scale disappointment happens, move forward. If you give up, you fall back into the trap. Living a healthy lifestyle is a mindset not a fad diet.

Educate Yourself

I love to learn. Reading books is one way I do that. I go to the library. (I’m a cheapskate). I learned a lot about sugar addiction from books. I also learned my taste buds changed when I stopped eating it. That was so cool! I never knew milk was sweet. Google is a fantastic tool. Use it. Jeannette Fulda helped me a lot with her book, “Half-Assed”. She told me losing weight was possible. Knowing I could do it was ¾ of the battle.

Find a Buddy

friendMy buddy Becky helped when I couldn’t help myself. She spoke truth when all I heard was lies(my own and others). She loved me and wanted to help me. She bore with me patiently. I can never ever repay her because I couldn’t have done it without her support.

I’ll stop there for now. There is your life raft. I hope you grab hold of it. It may not seem like it now, but you can dare to hope. Hope and see what happens. Sometimes we must see the water around us for what it is and realize we are tired of drowning.

Good Character is More Important Than Body Image

“Don’t let the fear of failure keep you from trying.” Hercules in a recent episode of Once Upon A Time

Last night I took a cruise on the world wide web in search of health and fitness blogs. One of the first sites I clicked on was JillFit, which is run by a fitness instructor who has been in the business since she was 15 years old. And one of the first posts I clicked on featured the infamous ab selfie where she opined about the pressure to have the perfect body in her chosen profession. And I will be candid, when I saw the picture of her, I was a little bit jealous. Because after giving birth to three children and losing 140 pounds, my belly will never look like hers. So when she wrote the following, I was a little confused.

“I am working to help women feel less shameful and less stressed about their eating. And actually like how they exercise and what they put in their mouths. Period.” – Jill Coleman

The ab selfie indicates differently. If a picture is worth a thousand words, that picture says to me that I am failing in my journey to better health. And it made me wonder if ever I met Jill Coleman, what exactly would she say to me?

I’ll admit I was a little discouraged after reading that so I switched to searching for inspirational blogs instead. That is when I somehow stumbled across “Your Fat Friend” and a blog post titled, “What it’s like to be that fat person sitting next to you on the plane.” As I read the blog I felt like a passenger in a car wreck. Because I have been that girl on the airplane and the memories are not at all pleasant. And at the same time I felt like she was telling me I’m a jerk because I’m not fat now, and I don’t want to be squished into a seat next to her.

A healthy choice!

A healthy choice!

As I write this I am eating a plate of cauliflower. It’s not exactly what I wanted to eat for lunch(grilled cheese please!) but it is tasty nonetheless. And I can’t stop thinking about the blogs I read last night and how both authors would respond to my choice of nutrition. In one respect I want to apologize for losing the weight and on the other hand I want to apologize for not working harder to lose more.

Several years ago I had the privilege to meet Kathy Smith, exercise guru extraordinaire. I told her my story(the cliff notes version) and she invited me to have coffee with her. We had a really nice chat wherein she expressed to me that I needed to tell my story on a national level because “Margaret, you are amazing. People don’t just do what you have done. And I think you can make money telling your story. What you need is a platform!” And then I shared with her the full story about how Jesus gave me hope and helped me to lose the weight, and how I seek to help others with the help I have been given, and she just kind-of blinked at me because I don’t think she knew what to do with that. She seemed to say, “Give help away for free? But why would anyone do that?”

I’m used to being the odd man out. I never won any popularity contests in school. In fact, I should have won, “Weirdest Girl” several times over. But I’ve come to terms with who I am, what my goals are, and why I persist on my journey to learn discipline. The pressure to look a certain way to conform to the fitness industry unsettles me, and so does the lack of discipline that leads to obesity. Besides, how does the physical standard apply to someone who is paralyzed, like Joni Tada or someone of less fortunate means who can’t afford to buy fruits and vegetables or a good pair of walking shoes?

So this is just my humble opinion, but living a healthy lifestyle should be free. It should be free of pressure to look or feel a certain way. It should be free monetarily. And most importantly, it should be free of guilt. I shouldn’t feel guilty that I’m not a size 6 and I shouldn’t feel guilty that I’m not a size 26. Nobody lost the weight for me. I did it for myself. I had to make choices–hard choices–not to eat Taco Bell and drink chocolate milk shakes. I had to force myself to exercise when I didn’t feel like it. I had to set goals and then work my plan to make it happen. And I’m still doing that today.

MLKI write this blog because I really want to help people who feel hopeless and helpless. I’m not selling anything. I’m just testifying to the truth as I am living it. Losing weight didn’t make my life perfect. Just as I had happy days as a heavy person, I have sad days as a thinner person. But through it all I am learning about the importance of being honest and kind. I would never bicker with someone who told me they were happy weighing 310 pounds. However, I would say that is not a healthy weight for anyone because it’s true. And you will certainly never see me post an ab selfie, though I’m not ashamed of my flabby tummy. After all, I have three kids and I’ve earned those stretch marks.

This blog is a safe place for people of all body shapes and sizes. It’s where I share my hopes, my fears, and my failures. It’s also where I share what I have learned on my journey so far. So when people see me and say, “Hey, Margaret! You look great!” and I get all nervous and awkward, that’s because body shape will always be an uncomfortable subject for me. Because the truth (and I say this a lot in real life) is that it doesn’t matter what I look like on the outside, as long as I have a pretty heart. And as long as that is my goal, I know I still have an awful long way to go.