Destination Discipline

“Sow a thought and you reap an action. Sow an act and reap a habit. Sow a habit and you reap a character; sow a character and you reap a destiny.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Human behavior fascinates me. Why we do the things we do is interesting fodder. It makes “people watching” a sport for all ages, and television programs like America’s Funniest Home Videos a ratings superstar. And while we may think our behavior is perfectly normal, rest assured someone else thinks we are just plain odd.

Take for instance my behavior at a recent lunch with a friend. I chose not to eat. The reason (for me) was simple, but I think my choice may have confounded my friend. I wrote previously about my decision to eat the fare at an all-you-can-eat Chinese buffet. I knew there would be repercussions and so I was trying to save all my “bad” calories for the week for that meal. So when I went to lunch with a friend the day before, I chose not to eat a hamburger and fries. I desperately wanted my children and my friend to enjoy their meal—so I ate an omelet before we left and enjoyed watching them eat burgers, fries and shakes. I had a great time because watching other people eat good food gives me joy. Unfortunately, my body simply cannot process certain (fried!) foods and I have come to terms with that. And since self-preservation is important, I cherish when friends and family accept that about me and do not pressure me. My friend was so cordial. She didn’t pester me to eat or give me a hard time (because she loves me), and I am grateful for her. But I know she thought I was odd. And that’s okay. Because I am odd. And proud of it.

This is one good example of building good habits. But those good habits are the fruit of making healthy choices over a long period of time. And making healthy choices after decades of unhealthy choices was really, really difficult in the beginning. I would estimate that 95% of the battle was in my mind (it still is). And that is why we must be intentional with our bodies. What we put into them matters. But to be intentional with our bodies we must be intentional with what we put into our minds.

I’ll be candid, I have not been watching television like I used to. I have made a decision to spend time with my children at the dinner table and foster conversations by reading excerpts from books, blogs and newspaper articles. I want to stimulate their brains. Let me tell you, this is really, really hard but I choose to persevere. So the other night I was tired after this exercise and joined my husband in watching the news. We were preparing for snowmageddon and wanted to see what the weatherman had to say. The first McDonald’s commercial was an annoyance. So when the second McDonald’s commercial within the span of 10 minutes really chaffed me. I asked my husband, “Are McDonald’s profits down or something? Are they losing money? Why the active solicitation?” He shrugged because he doesn’t care about those things. So I began scrolling through Twitter and–low and behold–I saw a McDonald’s ad on Twitter! And then–because I am odd–(see previous blog post) I began ranting and raving about the evils of all things McDonald’s. The average person might write me off as a kooky health nut, but they didn’t live in slavery to McDonald’s for years like I did. They didn’t crave and long for hamburgers, fries and coke. I hate McDonald’s. I wish they would go bankrupt–along with all other “fast food” restaurants. Why? Because they lied to me. They told me that junk food would satisfy me. They told me it would make me happy. And they stole years off my life by way of high calorie, high fat food that ruined my body. Now maybe you will disagree with me on this point. Maybe you will say I was a victim of my genes(as I used to say) or that I simply should have exercised more self-control. But I have learned the hard way that putting garbage into my body makes me sick, and I have chosen to no longer live that way because I saw what it did to me.

Yesterday I was driving to ALDI with my youngest beastlet. We drove by a McDonald’s restaurant. I said, “Yuck! I hate McDonald’s!”

He said, “I remember when you took me there once.”

And I said, “I took you there? Really?”

He said, “Yeah.”

I said, “I don’t remember that. I am so sorry. It will never happen again.”

He smiled at me with what I can only estimate as wistfulness and said, “The food was really tasty.”

And we both laughed and went went to ALDI and bought fruits and vegetables. Because that is what we eat now. We don’t eat garbage as much as I can help it because I refuse to live in slavery to the McDonald’s of the world.

I write all of this to piggy back off my previous post of the trend to make New Year’s Resolutions. I don’t like them because they remind me of all the years I failed at them. I failed at them because I was approaching them incorrectly. A New Year’s Resolution signifies to me a temporary decision that will eventually revert to old behavior. The resolutions I now make, I make on a daily basis. How do I do that? One decision at a time. I do it by living very intentionally. Which takes time and effort and a lot of thought and prayer. But it is possible, as I have proved by losing weight and keeping it off. But it didn’t come from joining a gym or going on a “diet”. It happened because I chose to pursue living a healthy lifestyle permanently.

It has been really, really cold outside which makes me very cranky. I like to walk outside and ride my bicycle and it’s hard to do that when it’s 6 degrees. Yesterday I pulled out my Cathe Friedrich Maximum Intensity Cardio dvd. It is the most challenging work-out video I own. It is 70 minutes long and in the middle of it–just when you think she can’t push you any harder–she does. I have never been able to keep up with her completely. Part of that is because I am not 0% body fat and my bulkier frame resists all the jumping and flailing about. But yesterday I did. Yesterday, when she started jumping around like a crazy squirrel on crack, I kept up. And not only did I keep up, I had fun. Now I freely admit I looked more like an aging kangaroo with a loose pouch, but that’s besides the point. Somewhere between the 30-35 minute mark when I was jumping up onto my step and puffing like a choo-choo train, I realized how awesome it was to jump and flail and not feel like I was going to die. Sure, it was challenging, but it was awesome-challenging. And I vaguely remembered that I used to feel that way about 5 minutes into a workout. And now I can persevere through 70 minutes. I don’t write that to brag. I only use it as an illustration for what someone can do when they decide to live purposefully.

Human behavior fascinates me. Not the least of which is my own. My journey is fraught with difficult choices, the tendency to slip into old habits, and a body that doesn’t always cooperate. But I am resolved to fight against the impulses that lead me to be a slave to poor choices. There was a time when I grieved the fact that I could not eat McDonald’s, or M&M’s, or burrito supreme’s. But once I learned how to enjoy eating healthy foods and make exercise an integral part of my life, I broke free from slavery to obesity. If you are reading this and you think you can’t do it, I promise you—you can. Never stop trying. Own the struggle. Fight for it. Reap your destiny.

So the holidays are over and everyone is talking about New Year’s Resolutions, many of which center around body shape and size. I can usually gauge the attitude of my peers by the advertisements I see online and on television. They run something along the lines of, “Hey, Fatty! Did you eat too much? Have I got a pill/gym membership/diet for you!” It’s insulting really, and yet it is quite effective. These advertisements exploit our insecurities for a profit. At best they offer a temporary solution. At worst, they rob us of our hard earned dollars and affect no change. For that reason and many others, I really want to resolve not to make resolutions.

But it’s not that simple. The never-ending project that is my body demands attention. And while images of six pack abs and toned thighs don’t chaff me like they used to, I am keenly aware I still have a lot of work to do. But how do I set my barometer? Should I measure myself against the models I see depicted in modern media? Against my friends? Against my family? More importantly, in order to achieve results, how do I formulate an attack against my vices? If I resolve to be kinder to my neighbors, how do I formulate a plan for jerks that cut me off in traffic and signal after the fact with their middle finger? Or how do I make—and stick to—a solid plan to get 8 hours of sleep a night? To be honest, once I start thinking about all the things I need to do to live a healthier lifestyle, I get a little overwhelmed. Now maybe you’ve never had that problem. Maybe you bounced out of your mother in perfect form. If that is the case, bless you. Go in peace. If not, read on.

I struggle daily with temptation. The list is so long I couldn’t possible include all of it here, but for the sake of argument I’ll state the obvious, the temptation to find satisfaction in food is a doozy. If I am lax for a moment, the monkey jumps on my back and takes me down. Now I’ll be candid, I don’t like monkeys. Monkeys are stinky and they throw their own poo. I also happen to think they are ugly. I like animals. I like birds. I even like fish. I do not like monkeys. Eh hem. Back to the subject matter at hand. Where was I? Oh, yes. Overeating!

I was very disciplined for the month of December. I made dozens of cookies for my family and friends(Obviously this makes me two-faced and evil since I preach self-control and the ills of consuming sugar, but I digress!). I resolved not to eat a single cookie and stuck to that plan for a good, long while. At least until I fulfilled a family obligation to visit an all you can eat Chinese Buffet the weekend after Christmas. I thought I was safe. I thought, I’ll sample a little of everything and just enjoy feasting for an hour. I was feeling confident because I lost 5 pounds in December. I thought, how bad could enjoying one meal be? But after 4 trips to the buffet even my children were astounded by my ability to eat. The embarrassed looks weren’t enough and so they began chiding me openly.

“C’mon, Mom! How much more are you going to eat?”

And I just kept nibbling and tasting until every corner of my stomach was filled – all 57 of them. I had decided going into that meal that I would relax and just enjoy myself. After all, I had skipped breakfast and rode my bike 28 miles that morning. If that didn’t earn me a hearty feast I don’t know what would! I resolved that once the feast was over, I would be done. Easy, right?

Well, not so much. When I got home my sweet tooth reminded me of the left-over cookies and, well, since my sweet tooth and the monkeys are in cahoots, I was hogtied and walloped before you could say, “C’mon, Mom! How many more cookies are you going to eat?”

And that, my friends, is how I gained 5 pounds in 2 days and effectively negated all of my hard work in the month of December.

No wonder when people start talking about resolutions, I tend to roll my eyes(though I am definitely resolving to try not to roll my eyes because it’s rude and I definitely need to resolve to not be rude). But it’s important for me to remain diligent to my goals. I want to keep my body in the best physical condition I can for as long as I can and that requires something more potent than a simple resolution.

Next time…Forget resolutions, what is your real purpose?

I was standing in Sam’s Club at the counter in the Tire Department. It was the day after Christmas and I was tired. All of my children were sitting in my husband’s truck ready and eager for the Christmas celebration with their grandmother. We were an hour late and we were hungry. We were standing there with the tire we had purchased three months prior–the tire that was now flat. I had called before we drove up there in our one remaining vehicle to ensure we could get it fixed. You see, our two other vehicles are broken down and have been for several weeks(another story for another day). I had been running a quick errand when we inadvertently ran over a strip of roofing nails. The tire was ruined. Thank goodness my husband thought enough to keep a spare handy.

It was about 5:00pm and the woman behind the counter was flustered. She was helping the customer in front of me and taking a very long time doing so. In between friendly gesticulations to her, she would shout at the long line of customers(myself included), “We close at 7:00pm! I can’t take any more vehicles tonight because I want to leave at 7:00pm.” I looked over at my husband and he at me. The ridiculousness of our situation was maddening. We just wanted to drop the tire off and be one our way. Instead, we were standing in line listening to a crabby, underpaid Sam’s Club employee refuse to take care of us. And she was adamant about it. She proceeded to start doing paperwork and even went so far as to call other customers on the telephone. She insisted on acting as if we weren’t present at all. But I continued to wait. Because I was darn well going to leave my tire there(because I bought it there) and she was darn well going to help me. I am certain my face was pinched. My husband was one pulsing vein away from a brain aneurysm. But we stood our ground and refused to be turned away.

And then suddenly the woman behind me said, “Hey, are you Margaret?” And I turned to see an old friend from Ferguson, a woman I used to chat with frequently and who knew me before I began my journey to live a healthy lifestyle. She began to say all manner of nice things to me, including that she loved reading my column, Ferguson by Foot. And I was instantly grateful that I hadn’t made a scene by poking the Sam’s Club employee in the eye or cursing her cat, or stomping like Rumpelstiltskin. And so we stood there and had a nice little chat about Ferguson and neighbors we loved and lost. And finally the woman behind the counter decided she did indeed have time to take care of us. I said goodbye to my friend and we began the trip back to Ferguson to see family.

Let me start by saying I don’t believe in bad luck. AND! A lot of stuff has broken down on me this year. Between laptops, phones, cars and tantruming children, I have every reason to dance the “poor, poor pitiful me” jig. On top of that, we have seen my niece robbed and run over with a car, my grandmother break her leg and spend time in rehab, and numerous friends receive a diagnosis of cancer. It is not without a sense of irony that I watch as people grieve the death of celebrities. And then I stop and reflect that I too have every reason to be “done” with 2016. But, as I told my friend in line at the Sam’s Club Tire Department, “I still have joy.” And that means that regardless of my circumstances, I can celebrate.

How, you might ask, is that even possible?

If you read this blog regularly you might know where I’m going with this…

But it’s because of Jesus. I truly delight in Jesus. When I rest fully in Him, I experience joy and peace that have no measure. He is the greatest gift of all. And so when all of the circumstances in my life lead me to misfortune(broken cars) and illness(cancers), I look to him and I smile. Because He has been with me all along. He has never left my side. He is a faithful friend indeed.

Today we are celebrating the end of 2016. In the middle of our family celebrations I received some news that cut straight to my heart. Little do people sometimes understand how deeply words can wound or how desolate the word-hearer can become after the word bomb has exploded. And there was literally nothing I could say in return. So I just sat there. And I sobbed internally. And then I prayed. In distress and in sorrow, I can call out to my Heavenly Father for help. And this matters. It is important. Because God is not a figment of my imagination. He is not an imaginary friend. He is real and He is absolutely present in my life. He hears my cries for help and He answers me. And no one and no thing can ever steal Him away. I am His and He is mine. And that means joy is always an option. I can have have joy always–even when the worst news comes, even when all the vehicles break down, even when my heart is broken. Because God is the source of all joy. I am His child, He gives it to me freely so I am never in need of it.

Some years back I was grieving a particularly difficult period in my life. The desolation was so complete I could do little other than sit in my house and cry. One day as I lay in bed, I heard a bird singing. I looked out of the front window to find the source of the song. It was the dead of winter. Cold, gray clouds swam by overhead and even the thermometer shivered. And there I was, listening to this strange, happy song. I was surprised when I found the source: a little Carolina Wren. It was pecking through the woodpile on my front porch and singing intermittently. I sat and watched it for a long time and marveled. Now every time I see a wren I am reminded that we all have a choice. We can sigh or we can sing. Today, I choose to sing.