Destination Discipline

“Will you walk into my parlour?” said the Spider to the Fly,
Tis the prettiest little parlour that ever you did spy;
The way into my parlour is up a winding stair,
And I’ve a many curious things to show when you are there.” – Mary Howitt

Why do we think we are strong enough to contend with our vices? Why do we parlay with them? Cajole them? Entertain them as if they were dolls at a tea party? Why do we say to ourselves, I am mighty because I won the last battle and have therefore conquered once and for all? Do we not know that vice condescends to laugh at virtue when it locks arms with pride? Or have we forgotten to look down at our scars and remember the barbed hooks that once held us captive? Do we not consider how our previous captor gladly entices us under the guise of impotence in order to bring us under its thrall once more?

Last night my son (aged 9) accidentally hit his hand on the wall that divides the kitchen and living room as he was walking down the hall. It’s not hard to do because our house is so small. In fact, it feels like we are always bumping into things. Whether it is another person, our dogs or, (case-in-point) the walls, we seem to live in a perpetual state of collision. Now the dear reader must understand that my son had a particularly difficult day yesterday and was not in a great mood. In fact, we had spent considerable time talking about unfortunate circumstances, anger, and consequences. And so I must admit that I was rather dismayed by my son’s response to the haphazard smacking of his hand against the ubiquitous wall. He hollered at it (as if it were a demon), screamed, “You stupid wall!” and then karate kicked it with his unshod foot. Then, instead of merely cradling his bruised hand, he was now hopping up and down on the uninjured foot and hollering like a cat with buckshot in its hide. Since I am mother of the year I laughed out loud and said, “Son, you are not Chuck Norris.”

Because had Chuck Norris kicked that wall, we all know who would have won.

Now maybe you are reading this and you don’t know who Chuck Norris is. That is unfortunate but easily remedied. Thanks to Netflix and Youtube, you too can discover the phenomenon that is Chuck in all his Jiu Jitsu wielding wonder. From MIA to Walker Texas Ranger, you will be inspired and amazed by the sheer might of his fists as he smacks, breaks and generally pulverizes every human being who dares oppose him (with the exception of Bruce Lee in Enter the Dragon, whom he graciously let win). Chuck Norris is a mighty warrior and no one can stand against him.

Dear reader, you are not Chuck Norris. You may think you are Chuck Norris but that is only because you don’t know any better. You may post memes on your social media feed that indicate you are as strong and tenacious as Colonel Braddock, a Vietnam Vet who was tied up by his ankles while a rat tried to gnaw off his face, but those are just pictures. You may tout your gnarly bear-ness as you scowl at your obnoxious co-worker who burps like a billy goat, but you cannot actually turn into a bear like Chuck does as Jebidiah McKenna in Forest Warrior. In fact, you only wish you could spray the enemy with bullets like Lonewolf McQuaid in The Uzi. Yes, you may think you are something, but I promise you, you are not. There is only one Chuck Norris and you are not him.

Because if Chuck Norris met a cupcake in a back alley, you can rest easy tonight with the knowledge that he would not enter into a conversation with it. He would not pelt it with questions. He would not even ask it if it felt lucky, punk! He would simply demolish it with one kick to the gonads. And to be certain, he would never even think about going into said alley if he thought for one moment he would not win that fight. Because Chuck Norris is not just strong, he is smart.

So why do we run down dark alleys to fight battles we have lost before? Why do we chase goblins who have made a practice of mincing us like meat? Why do we mock our vices with promises, flippant jokes, and harangues? The vice is just waiting to clobber us and—if we give it an inch—rest assured it will take a mile.

And now that I’ve clichéd my poor reader to death, I just want to say that I am foremost guilty of these cloistered consultations. I parlayed with Christmas cookies in December and found out I am not Chuck Norris either. So here we are three months post-holiday and I’m still trying to lose the 7 pounds I gained. I thought I was feisty! I thought I was wiry and lithe. Alas! I am just soft-bellied Margaret getting hog-tied and walloped by my sugar-addiction one again. It is an exercise in madness if ever there was one.

So for me (and others who are not Chuck Norris!) here are a few healthy reminders on this journey to learn discipline:

All the sense in the world is nonsense if we do not cultivate a healthy fear and a vibrant loathing for that thing which would slay us.

We must not fall prey to the devil’s prime strategy, that horror of the same old thing. We play at novelty like a cat plays with catnip. But the idea of perpetual novelty is a trap, not unlike the spider’s lair, where we will be bound head to foot and robbed of our freedoms. We don’t have to come up with a new strategy. Stick with what works.

The horizon is littered with the bleached bones of those who have fallen around us. We need only discern their peril in order to avoid the same fate. We need not goad them, but we should at least study how and why they lost.

Freedom does not come free. A sacrifice by nature pinches a person. But that small pain is but a shadow of the chains that once held us in the dungeon of despair.

Be the person you want to be. Each choice is but a tally in the game of life. Remember that no one wins the game by letting the other team win just because they gave up one (or 10) goals.

Remember that you only get one body for your whole life. Your body is a precious commodity. Treat it like the temple it is.

And finally, please know that you are not an island (no matter what Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers say!). We live in community with other people and our actions and inaction have consequences. So ask for help. Find a mentor. Make a new friend. Be a friend to another. And avoid those people who play the fly. You don’t need that kind of negativity in your life!

In short, remember Chuck Norris. You may not be him, but you can aspire to be him when you grow up. And if you have trouble visualizing this, watch MIA. You won’t regret it.

“I don’t want to go to Heaven. None of my friends are there.” Oscar Wilde

A friend of mine at work recently asked for help in crafting a note to her department to commemorate the Easter holiday. The catch was, it could not be implicitly religious. For some reason I thought this was a somewhat funny request and so I sent her a snarky email. “Well,” I said, “Good luck with that. Easter is by nature a religious holiday.” She sent me a note back some time later and told me she felt terrible that so many people had been offended by her request. I actually wasn’t offended. I just thought it was funny. Easter without religion. As if!

In a similar vein, I have never paid much attention to Lent. So, when it began in February this year I gave it little thought until a co-worker and I were talking about Ash Wednesday. She told me that she and a friend have an annual tradition where they mock the religious folk who go to church that day and get ashes put on their foreheads. She mocked the sign of the cross and some of the pious things “they” say. “It’s all a bunch of nonsense,” she said. “As if putting ashes on your head actually does something.”

Everybody has their own idea of what religion is and does depending on their personal history, belief system and prejudices. Whether it be from television or the Jehovah’s witness that shows up on our doorstep trying to give us a magazine. We all form our assessment of reality based on personal experience. Our understanding of religion is no different. Preconceived notions abound and we aren’t casually convinced we should believe differently. I mean, sure, The Exorcist was scary, but we don’t actually believe there is a real devil. And if there was one, wouldn’t he have more important things to do than possess a little girl?

Still, we all have our little curiosities about faith. I watched a Hallmark movie recently called, “Apple Mortgage Cake” about a single mother who was down on her luck and 6 months behind on her mortgage. She was a very moral person who volunteered at a charity and gave career advice, even though she did was unable to personally find work. She made a practice of donating her famous apple cake for various community events and, upon being notified of her impending eviction, decided to start selling the cake in order to save her family home. At one point in the movie it appeared she wasn’t going to make her goal but she said something to her teenage boys along the lines of, “We just have to have faith.” And then, because it’s a Hallmark movie, a newspaper reporter offered to write an article about her plight, she became an overnight media sensation and they received hundreds of orders in a matter of hours. See? They just needed faith! But as I watched them bake all those cakes in one night I had to wonder… faith in what? Faith in religion? Faith in the apple cake recipe? Faith in the boyfriend who gave good advice? It wasn’t exactly clear, and all three contributed to the house being saved in the end. (sorry for the spoilers!)

I saw the Easter Bunny at Wal-Mart today. He was handing out suckers to children. Many of my good friends will celebrate Easter with a Sunday brunch. Fully bellies and family commemorate the holiday along with visuals of tulips, daffodils and the famous Easter Lilly. A lot of people will even put on nice clothes and go to church for an hour or so. They might hear a story about a guy who was born a long time ago, who claimed he had the power to forgive sins, maybe did some magic tricks and then died. Some zealots claim he rose from the dead, but who really believes that? Was Jesus the first zombie? Everybody knows there is no such thing. The Easter eggs will be consumed over the course of a week, then pitched, and the basket full of candy will diminish as it accumulates around the waistline. Everyone will relax until Memorial Day rolls around and they have another excuse for a big meal. Besides, if there is a god, he certainly doesn’t want me to starve!

What does it really matter if God is real? Who cares if there’s a heaven or hell? Maybe your religion is Cardinal Baseball. Who could fault you for that?

But maybe you are reading this and you have real questions. Maybe you recently found out there is an 80% chance you won’t be around this time next year. Maybe you just stood over the grave of the person you never thought would die. Maybe all your faith in miracles was crushed when you didn’t have apple mortgage cake to save your family home. Maybe you are dealing with crippling anxiety or back pain or a horrible auto-immune disorder that promises to make the rest of your life particularly miserable. Maybe you do have questions but asking them means giving legitimacy to something you have always considered mockable. Maybe all your friends and family will laugh at you if they found out.

But maybe no matter how much you try to squash them, your niggling doubts won’t subside. Maybe you have only your tears to keep you company as you lay awake at night wondering if he or she will ever come back, will ever hold you again, say “I love you” again. Maybe the disappointments in life have stacked so high that you feel crushed beneath the weight of them.
Maybe, just maybe, this blog was written exclusively for you.

“He will swallow up death forever; and the Lord God will wipe away tears from all faces, and the reproach of his people he will take away from all the earth, for the Lord has spoken.” Isaiah 25:8

What if the bible isn’t full of religious mumbo jumbo? What if the bible speaks of a loving father who yearns for relationship with wayward children? What if it speaks of justice for an oppressed people with instructions for how to care for widows and orphans? What if the greatest commandment ever given was to love your neighbor as yourself and then describes a neighbor that does not share your ethnicity? What if the bible actually speaks about a God who is willing to take off his royal robes, leave his throne room, enter into the suffering of his people? Doesn’t that kind of God sound more like, well, a hero?

But maybe all you’ve ever seen is people who pretend to be “righteous” but are actually hateful. Maybe all you’ve ever experienced is judgmental bigots who condemned behavior they didn’t agree with. Maybe you have only ever been on the receiving end of words that broke your heart, justified abuse, or made you feel as if you could never, ever be good enough. And so, you just stopped trying.
Well, I have really good news for you. The bible is for people just like you.

A co-worker shared with me last week that she planned to attend church services for Easter but she is wary of the people, and so she sneaks in and out and speaks to as few people as possible. She said, “It’s because I don’t know everything.” I smiled and said, “I too am easily intimidated by religious people because I don’t know everything either.”

But I do know a good place to go when I have questions.

In the book of Luke (7:36) the author describes Jesus receiving love and care from a woman who is a “sinner.” The religious men of that day give him a hard time about it. Jesus forgave her sins and these guys sat there and said, “who is this, who even forgives sins?” And they hated him. The religious people hated Jesus. And so they figured out a way to kill him.

In the gospel of John, Jesus talks to his friends and says, “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.” The world’s peace is not real peace. It is fleeting. By that I mean that we think a thing will satisfy us, but it doesn’t. We think the cigarette will satisfy our craving, but it returns in a short time. We think food will satisfy us, but our hunger returns. We think the drug will numb our pain but it wears off. We think the new car will remove fear of breaking down, but then we have an accident.

In the gospel of John, Jesus speaks with a woman at a well (John 4). “Jesus said to her, ‘Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks of the water that I give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”

I want that kind of water, the water that delivers eternal peace. In a world of constant violence, who doesn’t want peace?
Jesus is not afraid of your questions. He knows the hungers of your heart. He knows your anguish, your fears and your history. And he says come, drink, and you will never be thirsty again.

There is someone I love very much who tells me that every night he lays down to sleep and asks God to forgive his sins but he doesn’t actually believe God can do that. He lives with deep regret and the dark shadows of wounds he has caused and born in the course of a long life. But the bible says God can and will forgive sins, even the worst sins, because he loves us. And he proved it on the cross.
Easter is the day when people who love Jesus celebrate the moment he rose from the dead after being killed for the sins of everyone in the world. If I was sinless, I wouldn’t need a savior. But I do. And maybe you are reading this and realize you do too.

“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest.” – Jesus

“Living my life in a slow hell. Fueling up on cocaine and whiskey. Fueling up on heartaches and cheap wine. I was headed to church – I was off to drink you away.” – Kid Rock & Sheryl Crow

I recently watched a Wall Street Journal Moving Upstream video titled, “Warning Signs: A theory of America on the Edge.” It featured Sir Angus Deaton and his wife Anne Case as they discussed their research at Princeton on what is behind the rise of suicide rates in America. They presented a provocative case. Suicide rates for white people in America have been on the rise since 2002 and are now at a staggering 50-54 deaths per 100,000 individuals. When asked by host, Jason Bellini, for reasons why this phenomenon is happening, the scholars started by explaining that we have a spiritual crisis that is particular to North America. Anne quantified this as perpetuated by the Evangelical Church in America and their focus on a personal relationship with God as a Savior as opposed to other denominations (Catholics, for instance) who are more socially inclined and focus less on “religious observance.” They specifically talked about a “spiritual migration” indicative of the way churches change the way faith connects in the community. Namely, they are not positively contributing as they have in the past.

At the very end of the show, Mr. Bellini asked the viewer, “Is the isolation and despair of so many people in this country pushing us toward some sort of crisis?” It is a question we can’t ignore.
Sir Angus Deaton connected suicide and opioid addiction as close to the same thing and so I turned to another Moving Upstream video where I watched heroin addict, Hannah Goldsberry, discuss her need for medication assisted treatment after her fourth near-fatal overdose. Curiously, she began her story discussing depression, even as the doctor responsible for her treatment said, “We’re not going to talk about that right now” and went on to talk about pharmaceuticals. I’m not discounting the need for people who suffer from depression to seek help from medication, but I would like to suggest that real and lasting hope for those who suffer does not come from a pill.

But what is this hope of which I speak?

I recently watched a Laura Ingraham “interview” on the use of the words “In God We Trust” which are prominently displayed in City Council chambers in the City of Wentzville, Missouri. Laura interviewed a St. Charles County resident, Sally Hunt, an avowed atheist, regarding her stance on the separation of church and state and her insistence that the words “In God We Trust” be removed because she and other atheists find them offensive. From the very outset of the interview Laura and her guest, Bob Onder, sneered at Sally, and it became clear (at least to me) that Laura only had her on only to humiliate her position. I find this disrespectful exchange very prevalent in society at large. Each person takes a stance on their personal position and defends it by insulting the person of opposing belief. This usually manifests in name calling, bullying and hateful vitriol by both parties because neither are willing to say, “we agree to disagree” by respecting the other person’s belief system. This particular discussion inevitably lead back the writers of the American Constitution and their perceived intent when they wrote it. It seems that all laws, even the American kind, begin with some sort of want for civil order, and suggest that in order to have civilized society, we need to abide by them.
Why do I mention this discourse? Because, and no disrespect to Sally Hunt and other non-believers, I don’t know how human beings can hope without faith in a God that created all things.

Still, I am respectful of thought that opposes my personal belief system. I read with interest about “unrealistic optimism” on big think. Atheists and agnostics alike accuse Christians of delusional hope. After all, they posit no one has empirically proved the existence of God. And so, by their standards, I can easily understand why it feels fruitful to live as if every day is ones last and therefore pursue pleasure as a source of fulfillment. But when I read De Profundis, which was written by a heartbroken Oscar Wilde, even he said, “There is something so unique about Christ. He is just like a work of art. He does not really teach one anything, but by being brought into his presence one becomes something.” He wrote this about St. Francis of Assisi, who “took in mystical marriage, poverty as his bride with the body of a beggar, and found the way to perfection not difficult.”

When I listen to modern music I find an interesting contrast in the ways different people respond to heartbreak/despair. In the popular song, “Picture”, by Kid Rock and Sheryl Crow, they discuss the breakdown of a relationship and the way each person manages their suffering. R.J. Ritchie (Kid Rock) uses cocaine and whiskey while Sheryl Crow goes to church. Pain is a very real part of life that causes us to question not only our existence but also our place and purpose in the world. We can easily discuss the existence of God in a clinical environment until our hearts are broken.

I think despair is often the result of intense longing; the response to a perpetually broken heart. I would like to postulate that the only true antidote to despair is hope, but not hope in the traditional way that people think of the meaning of the word.
A friend of mine recently entered into discourse with me on the meaning of hope. She said, “Hope has actually been redefined by people (and even the dictionary) to mean its exact opposite. People use the word hope in a way that implies uncertain possibility and they say it in the spirit of doubt most of the time. The dictionary actually wrongly defines it as a desire with expectation, which gives the impression that it is comprised of two different entities that might not work together for the desired outcome.” She goes on to say that she would like to redefine hope as “the joyful expectation of desire fulfilled” which “should only ever be used in the spirit of confidence and true belief as opposed to an uncertain and doubtful spirit and sometimes even in resignation.”
I want to ask an honest question, what do atheists and agnostics hope for?

I am a Christian. By that I mean that I follow the teachings of Jesus Christ. I believe God created the world and that Jesus, who was God, entered into the world to save condemned sinners from eternal separation from him. I perceive God as just in condemning our sin because we have broken the ten laws he gave us (the Ten Commandments). Jesus offered forgiveness from these sins as long as people believed that he was God in order to be saved from (eternal separation from Him) hell. He then commands those who believe in and love him to go out into the world and do good deeds—not that they might be saved—they are already saved, but because of their love for him, in order that those good works would inspire hope in the hearts of despairing people and that they too would believe in him and accept his love and forgiveness.

Jesus Christ is why I hope. He is the promise of all that is good in the world. He condemns murder, envy, disregard of parents and even adultery; in essence, all that is wrong (causing so many broken hearts) in modern society. But, amazingly, He also says he will pardon us for disregarding the laws laid out at the beginning of the world because of his deep love for human beings. He is a paradigm of holy contradiction, going so far as to willingly die for those who offended him most. Therefore, Christians (those who follow his teachings and aspire to be like him) must willingly do the same, something St. Francis of Assisi aspired to do.

Many self-proclaimed “Christians” misinterpret the true gospel (which means good news) as mere rules to be kept (much like the Pharisees of Jesus day) and many atheists and agnostics perceive their hypocrisy and hate them for it. The spiritual crisis contributing to our social crisis of despair is one and the same. Human beings are by nature self-concerned creatures who do not love God nor want to know him. They exist in a prideful state whereby they believe they are self-sustaining and therefore in control of their destinies. They have no reason to hope outside of themselves until pain—via a broken heart or body—causes them to recognize their complete helplessness and begin to search outside of themselves for the antidote to despair. In the midst of this they harm their fellow humans in a multitude of ways.

For that reason I believe Sir Angus Deaton is right that the evangelical church has contributed to the breakdown of spiritual social society in America. How will people find or experience God if the people who claim to know Him are self-righteously hateful? Jesus fundamental message was one of love and hope. He physically healed sick people and offered forgiveness to those who were sick at heart. And, importantly, while America claims to be “one nation under God” we have not evidenced it by our actions; namely, we have not loved well. And, much like Robin Williams, who spent his life entertaining and putting on a show, we are on the inside despairing, and therefore we commit suicide at an alarming rate.

For this reason alone I believe Sally Hunt is right to criticize our use of “In God we Trust.” But if given the chance, I would ask her… For all your passionate insistence in the right to believe God does not exist, and your striving not to be offended by those who do, where is your love for other people? Where is your kindness for those in your community? How are you making the lives of those around you better with your message? You believe we should all be entitled to unrestricted sex, but R. J. Ritche (Kid Rock) proves via his song “Picture” that sex and love are not synonymous and in fact contribute to broken hearts. Please show me your cure for the broken heart when even Sheryl Crow suggests it can be found in church.
Despair is a real problem in America, as evidenced by the newspaper headlines. At the same time, human beings continue their pursuit of pleasure, proving only that it is a mediocre distraction from our real affliction. I may convince no one with my pitiful attempt to mitigate despair with hope, but I will not “go gentle into that good night,” but instead continue to point to the way, the truth and the light.

I Peter 1:20 “He was foreknown before the foundation of the world but was made manifest in the last times for the sake of you who through him are believers in God, who raised him from the dead and gave him glory, so that your faith and hope are in God.

Hebrews 11:1 “Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. For by it the people of old received their commendation. By faith we understand that the universe was created by the word of God, so that what is seen was not made out of things that are visible.”