Destination Discipline

She woke up this morning and her heart hurt. The dream was painful, but even more so the reality. She considered the day and squeezed her eyes tight. She pulled the covers up over her nose and whimpered.

“Too much.” She whispered.

But after a few minutes the children called and she had to get up. Had to get ready. Had to choke back the tears so they wouldn’t make the pancakes too salty.

She knew nobody noticed. Or cared. No one said, “Thank you, Mom” or “You are beautiful.” Instead they scarfed the food down and ran away as quickly as possible.

Her voice on the phone was ragged. “I don’t know how much longer I can carry on. The weight of life is just, well, heavy.” And I listened for as long as she was willing to talk. And I cried with her because that’s what friends do.

She talked about the New Year and said, “It’s more of the same. What’s to celebrate?” The tremble in her voice reminded me of a gull–sailing over the ocean, looking for hope in the form of a fish.

After a time I said, “Do you know what I think Jesus would say to you right now?”

And she said, “Look, I’m not really religious.”

I said, “That’s okay. Neither am I.”

And she laughed. “Yeah, right.”

And I said, “Jesus said, ‘Do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat, nor about your body, what you will put on. For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing. Consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn, and yet God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds!'” (Luke 12:22-24)

And she said, “Huh.”

And I said, “Jesus sees the monotony. The loneliness. The irony and the opaque. He thinks you are beautiful and he loves you. Just the way you are–love handles, gray hairs, crows feet and all.”

And she said, “Jesus is weird.”

Today if you are reading this and you feel the weight of the future like a millstone around your neck, if your hopes are as shriveled as your pocketbook, and your thoughts as dark as the depths of the sea, take heart! You are seen and loved by God. And if you don’t have the good fortune to have a friend to talk to, know that you can talk to Him and He will hear you. And if you have courage, you can surrender your life to Him and He will give you a new heart, and even better–glad and beautiful dreams that will all come true! He will even be your treasure–if you let him.

My friend was sad but she is beginning to see that there is light beyond this dark world–light that can shine into even the darkest corners of the human heart. This light is the happy hope of the nations! This light can even make the drudgery of single parenthood, the cruelty of an unwanted divorce and the not-enough-money-to-make-ends-meet facts of life wisp away like clouds on the river dissipates in the sun.

He is yours if you want him. He is standing at the door. All you have to do is invite him in. If you do, this will be the best new year you ever experienced.

“For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.” – Ephesians 2:8-9

My first day of Christmas vacation starts with a quick run to drop off my child at school. I suppose there is nothing more wonderful than dropping a child off and knowing he is safe and I won’t need to worry about him for a few hours. Not that I know how that feels.

I pull on my lycra and go jogging. I don’t feel like it. I don’t particularly want to. And it is hard. But the joy of running with Jesus is bliss! I love listening to His words and praying. This time of sweet communion has become so precious to me that even when my hamstrings ache and I can’t catch my breath coming up a hill–I rejoice. I am alive! And life is beautiful because I jog the path with my Savior.

The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim liberty to the captives and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty those who are oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.

Jesus – Luke 4:18-19

I am not surprised when the phone rings and it is the principal from my son’s school. Nor am I surprised to hear he has been suspended. Again. And on the very last day of the school year too. But this has been our routine since school began in August. My son’s mental health issues are growing worse. I don’t have perfect answers. So I ask God for help. Then, because I have an appointment, I ask my older son to pick him up.

When I get in the car to run out, my tire is low on air. I pull out the (75 lb+) air compressor and fill it. Then I fill the tire. I call the tire shop and they say to bring it by after my visit to the chiropractor. I drive in silence–trying to deal with the heavy burden of anger the principal has just handed to me. It is like a bomb with a sizzling fuse.

I am thankful for my chiropractor. My friend, Dr. Amy is a gifted healer and has done so much to help me and my son. We talk about the difficulties of raising a child with behavioral challenges. We discussed the careless words and judgmental nature of people who don’t understand. Everybody wants to offer a solution and they grow frustrated when your child isn’t neat and tidy–like at the end of a Hallmark Hall of Fame movie. Sometimes, they walk away from the relationship with us. I understand. I wish I could walk away too.

It feels harsh to write that. But when I leave the office and discover my completely flat tire will not allow me to drive anywhere else, I have to call my older son to bring the air compressor to the chiropractor’s office. In the background my younger son is screaming and carrying on and refusing to ride along (he should not be left home unsupervised!). So I tell him a lie to make him get in the car. It is the only thing I can think of in the moment.

They arrive and I open the trunk of my son’s car to see the blessed air compressor. I fawn over it until I accidentally hit a lever and the air starts to pour out. I hop and holler and push every mechanism to stop the flow of air when shockingly–it does! Then, I start to cry.

“Don’t cry, Mom!” my older son says. “That’s not going to help.”

But I feel like the air compressor in that moment. I need a valve to release the pressure. And I think tears may be nature’s safety mechanism.

There is just enough air to inflate the flat tire and hopefully just enough time to deliver me to the tire shop a few miles away. Except, my younger son refuses to get in the car with me and runs away. I stand there with my bomb and its shorter-than-ever-fuse wondering what I’m going to do when I catch the child. Thankfully, my older son corralls him and takes him home so I can drive to the shop before the tire goes flat again. He is used to the routine, but it’s still difficult. I wish I didn’t have to ask him to do these things.

I am so glad when the tire shop fixes the tire for free (it’s under warranty!). They tell me the valve stem was bad and give me a list of other repairs for which they will gladly take my money). But I don’t mind their sales tactics today. Flat tires are easy. Mentally broken children are what is really hard.

I drive home and pray. “Lord, please help me not to smack my little brat–I mean son–or throttle him–or stuff him in the closet and poke him with sharp sticks.” Then I take a deep breath and try again. “But seriously Lord, please help me be patient with him. I need just a little more grace to deal with this situation. My emotional gas tank is on empty.”

This is how it is with a behaviorally challenged child. His behavior shines a spotlight on my own wicked heart.

I arrive home and try to have a rational conversation with my child–but he cannot have one at that moment. So I simply tell him how he will be disciplined and he flips out. Suddenly, the rational child who is so quick with a hug and an, “I love you more than the moon, Mom!” is screaming and hopping around like a Mexican jumping bean. I let him go. But things escalate because he wants to prove a point about how cruel I am (no devices for a whole week?!). But the prayers work. God gives me the strength to not lose my temper–even though the tears are close. After a while he puts his coat on and goes outside. He digs around in the mud for a while to relieve the pressure on his own frazzled brain. So I stand by the window and watch him–praying–and feeling very small.

Eventually he calms down. I think I want to call somebody who will sympathize–but I don’t know anyone who won’t tell me what I should be doing differently and I’m tired. So I sit down and read the Bible instead. I pray some more. I thank God because He is always good and kind, and because He loves me, He helps me. And the hope I have in Him feels like a hug.

Today, if you are in the trenches with a serious situation that is taking it out on you and you just don’t know what to do or where to go–may I suggest Jesus?

I recently listened to a helpful sermon by John Piper called, “The Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness.” At the end of the sermon he said God is not allowing the hard things in life to happen to us because He is angry with us. He loves us and sends supernatural help when we need it most. I know that is true. How else could I explain the perfect peace I feel now after the day I’ve had?

Take heart, dear suffering friend! You are not forsaken or abandoned. You are protected and held! Hope in Him is a hug!

^“So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” 1 Corinthians 10:31

In our last post we talked about the benefits of hunger. Since we are hungry, our brains are working more efficiently. Now we can think about why it is we eat in the first place.

The human body is a machine. This machine runs on fuel. We want to be smart and fast and efficient because we have important work to do. Therefore, we want to put the best possible fuel into our machine and the best fuel is not White Castle French fries and milk shakes. Some of us have spent years putting toxic sugar, fat and salt into our machines and our fuel tanks are rusted out. Therefore, we require a complete overhaul. This overhaul includes sandblasting our taste buds by eliminating the residue and cravings. This seems very painful in the beginning but once perfected, we will have an efficient machine. Even better, we will forge new healthy habits that will sustain us through the fires of affliction. Our new, battle tested bodies will be able to withstand pesky temptation when it tries to interfere with our regimen. And, we will be able to fulfill the purpose for which we were created.

“Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful.” Hebrews 10:23

Re-learning how to eat food can be a daunting experience if we look at it through the wrong lens. If we focus on all the things we can no longer have, we will be tempted to give up before we begin. My first foray into sugar-free eating was terrifying. I prayed that God would help me for 30 days to be sugar-free. God honored that prayer of faith and He will honor your prayers too. We have to take this journey one step at a time so let’s not get overwhelmed. (And if you are already hyperventilating, go hide in your closet, cry it out, and come back when you are ready).

Some of us have food allergies or medical conditions that seem prohibitive. I would encourage you to take an honest assessment of what you can and can’t consume and work it into your plan. This is your plan. You may want me to write out a diet for you but I’m not going to do that because many people wiser than I have done this already. I visited the library and picked up books from different authors that I liked. I picked from recipes I thought I would like to eat and then ate small portions. Just because I stopped eating fast food, doesn’t mean I didn’t make the foods I liked. I still ate meat loaf, tacos and pizza—just in moderation and made from scratch so I knew what went in it. I think it glorifies God for us to enjoy the food we eat—otherwise, why would he have given us such a wonderful thing like a tongue with which to taste it all.

The most important thing would be to consider that your stomach is roughly the size of your fist and we generally shouldn’t eat much more than will fill it. Now, I’ve been known to break this rule if what I’m eating is fiber rich and calorie negligent. Meaning, I eat lots of cabbage, lettuce, green beans and broccoli. I eat small amount of protein (beans, nuts, or meat) and moderate portions of fruits. I personally tend to avoid pastas—especially when combined with fats like butter. Fat slows down the digestion of complex carbohydrates and makes us lethargic. I love butter and use a lot of it. (Butter is my best friend next to Becky!) So, I use it on my vegetables instead of bread.

Your grand adventure with food is going to be fun and profitable. While you learn to consume food that nourishes instead of poisoning the body, you will feel better.

“I go to war against gluttony because those who have walked closely with God warn me that overeating dulls me to God’s accepting presence, makes me more vulnerable to other sins, negatively affects my relationships with other people, and robs me of the joy rightfully mine as an adopted, deeply loved, and accepted child of God.” – Gary Thomas

Now for the really great news! Once you eliminate sugar from your diet, everything tastes sweeter. Milk is sweet. Vegetables are sweet. Fruit is sweet. Also, we can learn how to cook and bake with natural sugars like maple syrup, honey and stevia without the glycemic response from our overactive pancreas. Stores like Trade Joe’s and Aldi have lines of food that is organic, has few—if any chemicals—and taste fantastic. I personally enjoy their freeze-dried strawberries, Fuji apples and pears as a light snack. They also have nuts and popcorn. Yes, I eat popcorn. I buy the whole kernels and cook them in the air popper. Dried fruits like raisins and apricots are good in moderation as well.

For my salty/crunchy food loving friends, I hear air fryers are amazing. I don’t have one personally so I can’t speak to them other than what my friends say.

“No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” 1 Corinthians 10:13

At this point I would like to say that it takes great courage to re-think the way you eat. Courage is a muscle we must exercise because we will need it in the days ahead. When you run out of courage, find an accountability partner to keep you honest and whisper (or shout) words of encouragement when you need them. Also, remember to cry out to Jesus. He wants you to learn discipline and He will help you as He helps all of His children who trust in Him.

Next time…What do you mean, exercise? Are you trying to kill me?