Destination Discipline

The grackles are fighting over the suet again. They grapple and chatter with a ferocious clamor. There is nothing polite about their greed. Will one wait while another takes a bite? No. They would rather stab each other with their sharp beaks than patiently wait. So they screech and banter, until they break the feeder. Again.

I’ve gotten used to putting things broken things back together but that doesn’t mean I like it. I suppose my aversion to brokenness as a concept drives me to buy things that are more durable. Some years ago I bought a Saddleback leather bag simply for the reason that it had a lifetime warranty. The company promised to fix the bag for free should anything break on it. And they were true to their word. When a piece of metal hardware broke, I shipped it back–at their expense–and they replaced it and mailed it back with sincere apologies. That kind of customer service is rare these days and I cherish it.

A bag is one thing. A car is another. I place entirely too much security on my means of transportation. Maybe this is because my vehicle is one facet of my identity. While some people revel in the newness or the coolness of their machine-on-wheels, I am rather proud of the antiquity of mine. And by antiquity I mean–it ain’t new and it ain’t cool. I drive a 2002 Chevy Malibu. Or, as a friend at work referred to it, a Barbie car. The reason I love it is because it is cheap and reliable. But when it wobbles, or gives off strange odors, or ticks like a clock, I get nervous.

This exposes my vulnerability–my dependency on it. For some reason, when there is a strange smell I jump to the “logical conclusion” that my car is getting ready to explode. My husband tries to reason with me that this will surely not happen, but I’ve seen enough television to know that when a strange smell emits, and when oil starts to leak out of the bottom of the car–fire and a great big boom are only a few seconds away.

Broken things and hunger feel synonymous to me. I disdain the broken-nature of the world we live in and I am frustrated that no matter how much I eat, I get hungry again.

I read an article recently that said there is no such thing as “food addiction”. The psychological dependence on food as a source of comfort would be better described as “disordered eating”. If that is the case, I am the Picasso of hunger. Even if I fill up for a moment, I only want more. Where is my “warranty” against hunger?

But let’s be honest, sometimes I steady myself with a giant plate of green beans and say, “I can eat this until I’m full and then I will be satisfied.” It never happens. Food does not satisfy me. Maybe this is the particular curse I will endure forever; to be physically hungry and to never be filled. I am like the grackle’s fighting over a morsel of food with an insatiable greed.

Where is my hope?

The ten year anniversary of my decision to live a healthy lifestyle looms (May 10th). I have largely maintained my 140 pound weight loss with diet and exercise. It still feels like a miracle. I have pursued healthy habits, built in safety mechanisms, and learned how to exercise to burn off excess calories. But the hunger remains. Maybe the most important thing I have learned is: hunger is necessary to stave off excess fat. But I hate it. It feels wrong.

This brings me full circle to the thought patterns I had when I first began this journey. At 310 pounds I recognized that food did not satisfy the hunger. My drug of choice numbed the pain but did not heal the wound.

I needed to discover what was driving the hunger. I eventually learned the hunger did not start in my stomach but in my soul. The diagnosis was important because without it, I could not search for a cure.

Simone Weil describes the danger of not recognizing this soul hunger.

“The soul knows for certain only that it is hungry. The important thing is that it announces its hunger by crying. A child does not stop crying if we suggest to it that perhaps there is no bread. It goes on crying just the same.

The danger is not lest the soul should doubt whether there is any bread, but lest, by a lie, it should persuade itself that it is not hungry. It can only persuade itself of this by lying, for the reality of its hunger is not a belief, it is a certainty.”

Obesity was the result of the lie I said to my soul; food will satisfy my me. My estimation is that all soul-destroying addiction (cigarettes, alcohol, sex, anorexia, etc.) stems from this lie. To lie to ones self seems particularly heinous, but we all do it. In my estimation, the only way to stop the lie is to recognize our true hunger and look outside ourselves for true soul food.

The grackles are fighting over the suet again. Their brokenness reminds me of my own. Do they know there is a cure? Do I? But is it worth the price?

Next time: Inoculation at any cost

Have you ever clung to a habit you sort of kind-of thought might be bad for your body or mind, but it was so ingrained in your lifestyle you never actually considered giving it up?

I met Gil a few years ago at a ballgame. I work with his lovely wife, Beth. Beth mentioned my weight loss story to Gill and he was inspired. He peppered me with questions and then went out and did something about it. He began to exercise and eat right and lost about 50 pounds. He had more or less been living a healthy lifestyle for a few years but had one habit he didn’t quit: Diet Coke.

Beth had urged him to stop drinking it since he drank about a 2 liter a day. Gil also has type 2 diabetes and has been striving to get his blood sugars under control. Recently, Beth shared with me that he had finally quit the libation. I know many people who have not been able to shake his habit so I asked her why, and how he did it. When she shared his story, I was so amazed, I asked for their permission to share his here. I will let Gil share his story in his own words.

Margaret: What was your goal and what did you accomplish?

Gil: My primary goal was to lose weight and get my blood sugars lower.

Beth and Gil Weingart

I tried to lose weight with diet and exercise. I recently went to my doctor and my blood sugar was still out of control. I became very frustrated, taking metformin, exercise, and diet I could not get below 295-297.

I went to the natural way to see if there was a natural approach. When the employee talked about my life style, I told her about my diet and that I drink a lot of Diet Coke. She said that is it, aspartame is horrible and causes everything you are experiencing.

So I immediately got off of Diet Coke and any artificial sweetener. My typical blood sugar was 180 and within days they started to dropped significantly, 150 – 140 – 120 -110 – and now I am having mostly 90’s. I had trouble getting lower than 180 for years. Unbelievable. In addition she told me about probiotics, she told me aspartame destroys good stomach bacteria.

The results: low blood sugar. I have lost 12-15 pounds in three weeks, no more stomach nausea, no more mind fog, NO MORE CRAVINGS! I did not change anything but getting off aspartame and adding probiotics. I have always awakened around 2 or 3 am to eat due to cravings, every night. This is gone. I have dinner and do not eat again until the morning.

Gil Weingart before and after

The change is unbelievable. Not to mention that my blood pressure was always around 140 over 90. Recently it was measured at 126/64. My doctor took it twice thinking it was wrong.

I feel better than ever, I drink Unsweetened Tea with Stevia, water, Zevia and Zero Vitamin Water. My research found that Stevia is actually good and can help reverse metabolic syndrome. My diet is still the same, diabetic diet.

I truly believe that Aspartame caused – Type 2 – Metabolic Syndrome – Weight Gain – Cravings – High Blood Sugar – Mind Fog – High Blood Pressure – Nausea

Thank you, Gil, for sharing. I hope your story encourages a lot of people to stop drinking diet colas with aspartame and other sweeteners that are toxic to the body. I’m so proud of you

So you’ve started a diet. A fat-busting endeavor. A torture chamber called, “This sucks!” And you really don’t want to do it because you like the foods you eat. I mean, who doesn’t love French fries and pizza and Philly Cheesesteak sandwiches with extra cheese. But you are tired of the struggle. Your back hurts. Your knees groan. Your pants are shrieking at you, “DO NOT EAT THAT!” And, well, it’s just time.

So you go online and you look for a detox. Or a pill. Or a regimen with guaranteed results. And you plunk down some cash and give it a go. And, at first you see results. But then you hit a plateau. And you just really, really want your old favorites.

Oh, boy! I know exactly where you’re coming from. I mean, I played the yo-yo game with my weight for years. Lose  20 lbs, gain 40 lbs. Until finally I gave up and decided (yes, it was a choice) that it was impossible to lose weight and I may as well just eat as I pleased.

Which was a lie. I believed that lie for far too many years and I was miserable. I was sick inside. I felt like a wretched nobody because I was powerless over my food addiction.

And that is why I write. If you are reading this and you want to get healthy–you can trust me. I’ve been there. I know how horrible it is and I want to help.

So I’m going to give you some advice for free. That’s right. No money will exchange hands. No looks of condemnation. No expectations either. Consider this a warm hug on a cold night. Because I want you to know that you really don’t have to spend a bunch of money, or join a gym, or do a cleanse. All you have to do is learn to embrace the vegetable of gladness.

Did I lose you already?

I know. Vegetable is a four letter word. Except that your body really does love vegetables. I mean, even taters are vegetables. And you can still eat them (in moderation). You just have to learn how to cook them without frying them and buttering them to death. And you will have to eat smaller portions.

“Oh, ack!” You say. “Shoot me now!” You say. “I want lasagna!” You say.

Dear friend. You are precious and dearly loved and you deserve better than the physical life you are living right now. You already know that or you wouldn’t be reading this. You want hope. And I’m here to give it to you.

Tonight I thought about you and pulled out some veggies. They may not be something you think you like. You may even stick your tongue out. But bear with me. Have a little faith. I’m not trying to poison you. I promise they will taste good.

Bell peppers, mushrooms, and brussels sprouts

So I pulled out a pan and rubbed it with butter. Yes, I love butter and so do you. I just try to keep it light.

Then I layered the pan with brussels sprouts.

Then I layered in fresh bell peppers, onions, mushrooms and one diced serrano pepper. Then I sprinkled them with paprika pepper, pulled some fresh thyme and rosemary from my plants, and put on 2 tablespoons of butter.

And then I covered them with tin foil and put them into a 400 degree oven for 45 minutes until they were all toasty and sweaty. And then they lost the foil and cooked for another 15 minutes uncovered. And when they came out…

So, Dear Reader, I know you said you don’t like vegetables, but please give these a try. They are tasty and super low calorie. These can be a meal by themselves or you can add your protein of choice (fish, chicken, or another lean meat).

I know you want to lose weight. I know you want to feel better. I know you don’t have a lot of hope right now that you can eat food that both nourishes your body and satisfies your taste buds. I also know that each healthy choice you make is a good choice. Each healthy choice–whether it is going for a walk instead of watching a movie or eating veggies instead of French fries–matters. So just start with today. This moment is yours. That is how positive change happens. One choice at a time.

Go forth and conquer!