Destination Discipline

My husband and I went to the Cardinal’s Game today and had the good fortune to sit in a suite. I won tickets through the company I work for and was blessed to go with several co-workers. Boy-oh-boy is it fancy in the suite. The best thing about it is all the free food. Hot dogs, nachos, wings, chicken strips and all you can drink alcohol and soda. Alas, no veggies. My husband caught me snacking on a few strips of celery and said, “Margaret, I think that’s the garnish.” I chuckled. “Well, it’s edible, isn’t it?

I remember my “carefree” days when ‘all you can eat’ crud was fantastic. Now I look at nachos and feel a gurgle in my tummy–and not the good kind. But I have to admit, it all looks and smells so good. And while I’m enjoying the conversation of good company I start to snack and nibble and pretty soon I’m carried away. On popcorn that is. This is the one thing I allow myself to gobble unrestrained. No soda, or hotdogs(sacrilege at a ballgame, I know) and definitely no alcohol. Sounds like a lot of fun, doesn’t it?

But here’s my point, I can go to a ballgame, be surrounded by food and not pig out. It is easier today than it was even a year ago. I used to cringe at the savory temptation. It actually was painful to turn down free food. But I had to ask myself the question, “How many calories are in that hot dog?” and “Is it really worth it?” And while in certain circumstances I will indulge, today was not one of them. At home I have armed myself with an arsenal of goodies that are a fraction of the calories and won’t make me feel like crap after I eat them. I just have to wait until I get there to dig in.

I feel like many heavy people look at me and think “I can’t do what she does.” But it’s not complicated. It all starts with saying no when you mean yes. It’s that “easy.” When someone offers you ice cream, say, “No, thank you” even if you really want it. And sure, you may hate the feeling of denying your sweet tooth in the moment, but if you continue to make healthy choices, you will achieve your goals. It feels fundamentally wrong to deny myself when my fat is screaming to be enhanced. But my fat is a liar! And my will to lose weight/maintain weight is so much stronger. As anyone who knows me can attest, I am not perfect. But I am trying to stay healthy and I refuse to give in to all of my cravings.

I had a blast at the ballgame and I left fully satisfied. I was able to visit with my friends and enjoy a few treats. Most of all, I’m proud of myself because today I made good choices. And that, my friends, is so much more powerful than a belly full of game food.

Sometimes inspiration appears at the moment you least expect it. When it happens, stop and savor.

I don’t want to delve into cheap clichés about smelling roses and life being short. The truth is, sometimes life is difficult and painful and no matter the blessings I find myself bitter. It is easy to get stuck in that rut by complaining and setting my focus on the negative. This morning it’s physical pain. I am frustrated that my back and hip refuse to heal as quickly as I want them to. I am forced to live in this place of injury that affects every aspect of my life. From trouble sleeping, to working(hurts when I sit too long) to a complete inability to do any form of yard work. It’s depressing, actually.

Have you ever met that person who won’t shut up about their physical problems? I worked with someone once who insisted on describing her bowel movements in great detail. I quit after 10 months. She was the most negative person I have ever encountered. I don’t EVER want to be that person.

This morning I quaked and groaned out of bed. I had a deep desire to ride my bike and a sincere worry that I would make my injury worse if I did so. But I so craved the sunshine. Decisions, decisions. So I stretched and used my heating pad and decided to ride carefully rather than stay home and pout. It was slow going but I love the fresh air. The clouds were absolutely stunning so I just sucked in the sunshine and let my heart unclutter. I decided to take a different road and found myself by the airport. I looked up and there it was…my reason for climbing on my bike this morning.

And my camera doesn’t do it justice but my heart feels lighter and that is what is most important.

An Epsom salt bath and some ice later and I’m still in pain. I’m getting ready to head out the door for all of the errands that must be accomplished in this sweltering St. Louis weather. But I wanted to share with others that when we take time to explore, when we invest in our bodies, when we open our eyes to the beauty around us, we will find tranquility that we will never encounter when shutting ourselves in our homes or complaining.

Go see something new today–even if it is the mysterious box turtled crossing the road in suburbia(I almost ran over him!). And let your heart be light!

Every Spring when I hear the rumble of motorcycles, my heart ignites. If I had my wish, I would straddle a Honda Shadow(my dream machine), clad in fringed leather from head to toe and with a red bandana in my hair. I rode a motorcycle for a few years until my significant other deemed it too dangerous. With great sadness I sold my Vulcan 750 to a man with sleeved tattoos, long, black, braided hair and a wicked grin. I’ll never forget that last ride….bumping down highway 70 with my husband driving behind me while I delivered the bike to its new owner. He was certain I would hit a bump, fall and roll, and he would run over me. He would say it was the most stressful drive of his life.

But I still dream of leather. My favorite part of my bike was the leather seat. Soft and cushy, it held my enormous rumpus while I glided down the highways, covering miles of ground with no purpose other than the wind in my hair and the sun on my back. Now that I’ve lost the weight I dream of owning a new bike again, but every time I mention it to my husband he gets this squinty face and says, “I know you want to be a Motorcycle Mama, but the truth is, you will die.” I usually sigh and go back to dreaming but decided to push the issue over the Independence Day holiday. He told me a few gruesome stories of death, decapitation and paraplegia, all true tales from “morons” who participate in that misfortunate activity. I wanted to punch him.

I feel very much like Ralphie in A Christmas Story. “You’ll shoot your eye out.” Well, maybe I’d be happy with one eye. Did he ever think of that? Hm? So I say, “If I die riding a motorcycle, at least I will die satisfied with my life!” But he is like the Grinch that stole Christmas. His heart is 3 sizes too small.

I have been trying to think of covert ways to manipulate him into letting me get a new ride but he is very unmanipulatable. So I’m stuck with daydreaming. But there is no law against buying leather motorcycle clothes, right? So I have set my eyes on leather chaps, a leather vest with a fringe and a red banana. Maybe even *gasp* a leather bra! Of course I’ll need some cool black boots and I have even decided I need a new tattoo. It will be a big heart on my right arm that says “Motorcycle Mama.” And I shall walk up and down the street, and I shall go to the grocery store(Aldi and Shop N Save) and to Wal-Mart(where I will fit right in with the rest of the weirdo’s) and I shall drag my children behind me, red faced and frustrated while I pretend to be what I feel I already am inside.

Because a dream deferred makes the heart sick. And dreaming of motorcycles makes me happy. Maybe one glorious day my husband will give in-–he will I just know it-—and I will get to be a Motorcycle Mama once again.