Destination Discipline

We made a trip to the country on Saturday to visit my grandparents on the farm. It was a beautiful day. We got to pick blackberries(I made a cobbler) and we got to see cows, and I even caught a teeny, tiny fish in the river. I had a wonderful visit with my grandparents and learned how to play “Crazy 8’s.” Then I had to come home. To the stinky city. To my small weed infested yard and a pile of bills.

When I grow up I want to live in the country. I want to eat fresh fried catfish and wade through weeds and get chiggers. Well, maybe not chiggers. But it is a simpler life out in the country. Time just slogs by, like a stick floating in the current.

I could go on and on dreaming but the truth is, country living is also hard living. My grandparents are getting up there in years and are struggling to keep everything going. Caring for cattle is hard work and they’ve lost several head this year. My aunt and uncle do their best to put up hay and take care of the monstrous black angus moo cows and I bet if I asked them, they would say there is nothing slow or easy about it.

My point is this, the grass always looks greener on the other side. Visiting the country is nice. It’s a cool day trip where I get to hang out at the river and soak up the sunshine. But actually maintaining a farm is not easy. I’ve often heard my grandma say what hard work it is and she is not lazy! My fondest memories are her berry stained hands rolling out dough for a pie or cobbler. And I don’t remember her sitting down much, well maybe to core and peel pears for canning. I have so many sweet memories that I let nostalgia sweep me away and forget about the cow patties. We discovered this on the way to the river. We began walking down the pretty, white sandy path only to be knocked over by the smell of digested hay, recently passed through the gastrointestinal tract of several cows. Fun times!

It would be easy to grumble and groan about my city life. And it’s true, some days I do grumble about it. But focusing on what I don’t have(a farm) won’t make me happy. I need to be content with what I have. And I do have many wonderful blessings. I don’t need to list them here. I know what they are.

Well, I’ll list one. This morning when I got up for my walk I saw a large barn owl sitting on the wire outside my neighbors house. I stopped next to it and looked up at its majestic face. It looked down at me and regarded me for a few minutes while I watched in awe. Then it gazed into the distance and forgot about me. It was the single most wonderful thing I have experienced all year. Yes, even better than the country.

Today, count your blessings. Don’t long for what you don’t have(I know-double negative, sorry!) Be content with what you do. And visit the country or the ocean or the mountains. Life is beautiful, and the grass is just as green on your side of the fence. You just have to open your eyes and really look at it.

Our days are short and we take them for granted. We waste time thinking there will be more of it tomorrow. But one day we won’t have a tomorrow. We are finite creatures with a limited number of days. Immortality is a dream.

I’m sitting here in the quiet of my room listening to the crickets and the ghosts of words gone by. So often we sling our words like sabers; hacking and wounding with little thought to their recourse. One moment our lips say, “I love you” and the next something treacherous. Once spoken we cannot take them back. It seems a simple thing to watch what we say but bridling the tongue is much more difficult than it appears.

Even worse, sometimes harsh words take root in our hearts. The barb sprouts and sows a harvest of bitterness. The offender says “I’m sorry” but the offended finds it difficult to forgive because they don’t have a mental eraser to wipe away the bruises. So it seems logical that we use our words carefully, especially with those we love the most. So why don’t we?

Be kind. Be generous. Be sweet and true. Even when you don’t feel like it. Even when it feels impossible. Especially when you’re tired. Better yet, when you are frustrated. Be kind when every one else is not and you will shine like a star. Anyone can use their words as weapons. Why not use yours to heal?

I got in the wrong lane at the grocery store tonight. I hate that moment when you realize you will be standing in line for 20 minutes even if you switch lanes, and all you can do is suffer and stick it out. If you are in line with nice people you can chit chat and make small talk. But tonight was not that night either. The woman in front of me acted as if I had body lice. She wouldn’t look at me as much as speak to me. So when I dared to put my groceries on the conveyor belt of slothfulness she really got agitated. She clutched her basket as if I might contaminate it and I could see her jaw muscles clench. So I just held back and gave her some space. That is, until the man behind me, who was at least four sheets to the wind, began dancing and singing in line. This would have been cute if it was me. But he looked one step away vagrancy. But rather than grumble and pout I just put on a carefree smile. I had a lot on my mind today and I was trying not to let it all show. I really believe if you smile the feelings will follow.

So when I finally reached the cashier I was so happy. She was this sweet, pleasant girl who just smiled and greeted me as if I was her long lost cousin. “Hey, Ma’am!” She said. And I was filled with peace….until she said…. “Where’s the ice cream?”

“What ice cream?” I said.

“You need ice cream.” She said.

“Why do you say that?” I said. “Do I always buy ice cream or something?”

She just smiled as if she were stirring Kool-Aid in a commercial and beautiful children were holding hands and dancing around her.

“I don’t need ice cream. I’ve eaten a bowl of ice cream every night this week.” I said and pointed to my face. “Look at this face. Can’t you see how guilty I am? Guilt. Tee!”

And she just kept smiling, as if she was in on some secret joke that I just wasn’t getting. She handed me my receipt and said, “Have a nice evening.” And I was completely baffled and perplexed. Do I look like I need more ice cream? Sheesh. I still don’t know why she said that. Hm.

And then it hit me, maybe smiling like a fool attracts crazy people. Maybe I should stop smiling so much.