Sometimes life grabs us by the throat and throttles us. Whether by illness, grief or bad choices, we find ourselves in a place we don’t want to be and with no way out. Sometimes there is no escaping the suffering that overtakes our lives. We have one of two choices, bear up beneath the weight of it, or crumple.
I am really good at crumpling. It’s the easier option after all. The storms of life blow and I put the back of my hand to my forehead and twirl in circles right before I “faint.” I am well acquainted with the ground, having spent my share of time wallowing in the dirt. And sometimes we need to do that for a minute. We need to cry and grieve whatever it is we’ve lost, but eventually we have to make the choice to stagnate or pick up and move on.
The one common denominator of suffering is that we bear it uniquely and personally. My pain is not the same as your pain but I still feel it. One person’s stubbed toe is another person’s cancer. I try to never diminish the sorrow of another person because I am incapable of feeling exactly what they feel. After all, I have never lived their life. My husband likes to use the term “Milk Toast” when referring to someone with less than stellar resilience. But we can never gauge with complete accuracy the intensely personal pain of another person.
As one who has struggled a lot over the years, I think people that don’t have problems are weird. I always wonder if they are lying. Is their life really that good? And maybe it is. Who am I to judge? But I would venture to guess that the majority of us have struggled or suffered in some way during our short time in this world. If you are in the “painless” majority, just wait. It’s coming.
If you are suffering today with emotional or physical trauma, my heart goes out to you. And I have some advice for you to take or leave, as you see fit. I even promise not to be offended if you slam the door in my face by way of navigating away from this webpage.
1) This too shall pass. It’s true, time does heal. Pain leaves scars but eventually the acute pain will fade. Grieve while you must, cry and groan. Cry out for help from true friends who know you well, and let them comfort you.
2) Move. I don’t mean just exercise, though it does help to get your heart rate up if you can. But do not stay where you are. I like the verse that says, “Yeah though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death…” Notice the author doesn’t say, Yeah though I lie motionless in the valley….” Move mentally. Move spiritually. Move physically. Just don’t stay in that place if you can help it.
3) Rest. Sleep helps the body heal. Be kind to yourself and get at least 8 hours. And then remember #2 above.
4) Forgive(if someone wronged you). Anger only turns to bitterness. Bitterness will eat away at your future joy and leave you hollow. This is not easy. It may take time. But chip away at it and go out and live again. It is especially important to forgive yourself if you realize you made the mistake. Then go make it right if you can.
5) Do something for someone other than yourself who is suffering. Even if you don’t feel like it. Do it. Sometimes we have to step outside of our pain and recognize others hurt too. This will take the focus off you for a minute and give you room to heal. And, you will comfort someone who desperately needs it.
6) Listen to music. I often hear lyrics that help me deal with my own issues. I can’t explain it. Music truly does soothe the soul.
7) Breathe. Take long deep breaths. They will help your body relax. 8) Learn. We have the opportunity as human beings to fill our brains with knowledge. Use your brain. I often find learning about my issues helps me anesthetize my suffering. And take good notes. You may need to pull them out the next time something awful happens.
9) Let go. All too often I carry the world on my shoulders unnecessarily. Sometimes we just have to focus our attention elsewhere and stop thinking about it. This is a concerted mental exercise but if we practice it, we will heal faster.
The sun may not come up tomorrow. Live today as if it were your last. If you are not suffering, go out and brighten someone’s life. Hug your dog. Refrain from yelling at your stubborn child. Stop and howl at the moon.
And here’s one that bears repeating over and over and over…. Love. You are here because your parents loved. That tiny seed started something…namely, YOU. You are valuable, lovely and have a purpose. Never forget it.
