I’m not crazy, but I did fall on my head as a child

Yesterday I had a conversation with my boss where I told him I never refuse to try new things anymore. I used to be so set in my opinions and preferences that when someone asked me to try something new(i.e. Salmon, Brussel Sprouts or cabbage) I stuck up my nose and said, “Uh, uh! No way, Jose. Nicht!” But when I finally opened my eyes and heart to trying new things I discovered an entirely new world of favorite things(see the list above).

This morning I tried something I have never tried before…walking in sub zero temperatures. By sub-zero I mean, the thermometer actually said “0”. Last week I walked outside when it read “10” and I thought that was a pretty bold move. You see, I’m a risk taker. I like to live on the edge(of sanity). I like to push the boundaries of cuckoo until i fall into the oblivion of utterly dumb. That’s me. With 3 pairs of pants, 5 shirts, and 2 hats. Honestly, I’ve never had snot freeze to my upper lip before. See, there’s a first time for everything!

Saturday was another first. I have a Cathe Friedrich cardio blast dvd that has been languishing in a box. I pulled that sucker out and challenged myself to do the 70 minute advanced class without stopping. I learned 2 things in that hour and change… I’m a lot more spry that I gave myself credit for(I was able to do the whole thing without pooping out) and my sashay looks nothing like hers! She is as graceful as a swan extending its wings. I look more like a humpback whale trying to breach.

This cold weather is forcing me to get creative. I suppose I could chuck it all in and quit working out but that’s just not who I am anymore. If I miss a work-out I get seriously crabby. As in, I’ve got my eye poking stance nailed down and I’m not afraid to use it. Spending so much time indoors is enough to make even normal people kooky so my efforts to stay in shape are saving countless eyeballs.

I want to be brutally honest here, I don’t like winter. I used to–when I had more padding, but now it’s just miserable. The one down side of living a healthy lifestyle and shedding pounds is that one tends to get very, very cold. For that reason I am counting the days until Spring arrives. I can’t wait to see the trees budding, the bulbs sprouting and the children chasing each other around the house trying to brain each other with big sticks. This year I plan to do a lot of water-sliding, bike riding and standing in the river while the fish nibble my legs. (Why do they do that anyway?) Winter is for the birds. And I don’t even think they like it!

Today I took the road less traveled. It was cold. I took a wrong turn, and I got lost. My 60 minute walk turned into 90 and I wrecked my knee. But I was happy doing it. Today might be my last day but I didn’t waste a second. I walked my buns off. I ate Chick-Fil-A ice cream(Becky–I couldn’t take the craving any more!) And I laughed with a new friend at work. So here’s a shout out to all those kids who mercilessly teased me in grade school, I’m Marge! I’m (not as)large but I’m totally in charge(of my life). I’m happy and healthy and Cathe Friedrich has taught me how to totally kick your butt(aerobically speaking). Life really just doesn’t get any better than this!

Locked Out

The past month has been very busy for me. There is a great deal of upheaval in my life and each day brings its own set of new challenges. I have faced fresh disappointments and I have a few new scars on my heart. I’m tired and I long for peace and rest. Instead I am sick. A virus is wreaking havoc on my body and I’m frustrated by my limitations. To be honest, I feel like I’m losing hope.

Recently I was trying to teach my six-year-old son how to tie his shoes. For many months he would say to me, “I can’t do it!” He would ball up his fists, squinch his face and cry. His mindset was completely locked out. It wasn’t that he couldn’t learn how to tie his shoes, but rather, that he refused to try.

Over the Christmas break I was sitting in the car with him waiting. His shoes were untied and I asked if I could show him how to tie them again. He said the usual things, “I can’t do it. You can’t make me.” I resisted the urge to lose my temper. Instead I said, “Let me tell you a story.”

Once there was a girl who was very unhealthy. She felt that her situation was hopeless and that she would never find happiness. One day she became so hurt and disgusted with her lot in life that she decided to try to change it. She began a very difficult journey, one she felt was impossible. But she didn’t stop when she felt the hard things. She didn’t quit. She pushed through and accomplished the very goal she thought was the most impossible. I am that girl.

He looked up at me in awe and I said to him, “Sometimes when things feel most difficult, whether we feel like it or not, we have to try. Now, can I show you one more time how to tie your shoes?”

He nodded.

I had shown him how to tie his shoes more times than I could count but this time was different. This time he made his first, real concerted effort and he was successful. He learned how to tie his shoes that day because someone took the time to walk with him through the difficulty. I know it seems simple–everyone learns how to tie their shoes, right? But for him, in that moment, that hill was unclimbable. He had set it up in his mind as this impossible thing but my words of encouragement helped him achieve his goal.

Sometimes when we are in the midst of the hardest things we get lost with the impossibleness of our situations. Instead of putting on our hiking boots and wading through the mud, we shut down. We say, “That hill is too steep. I won’t do it. I can’t. Then we throw away the only key that can open that door. Sometimes we even try to pretend the door doesn’t exist. Now isn’t that silly?

I wish this world was an easier place to navigate. I wish parents and children didn’t die. I wish like-minded people always agreed. I wish my path was always clear. Unfortunately, it’s not.

I haven’t slept well the past few nights. A serious head cold has shut down my nasal passages and I find it difficult to get the rest I desperately need. I’m left alone in the darkness with my thoughts, an overactive imagination and regrets. Too many, in fact, to count. But I refuse to be defined by mistakes I made in the past. My course may be uncharted but I have some really great maps. My creator guides my steps, even when they falter.

I refuse to quit. I’m not going to give up or give in to my fear of failing, my anger at the mundane and deferred hope. Sure, the waters are choppy, but this isn’t my first storm. I’m battening down the hatches and I’m clinging to the one who holds my future. He’s not a genie but he does hear my wishes. And I am content in knowing he knows what is best for my life. I just need to remember that when I am frustrated and angry–feeling hopeless and fearful because of my perceived locked doors…

…my savior holds the key. And he knows the exact right time to unlock those doors. I just need to be patient. His timing is perfect. And I need to keep my heart ready to walk through when the time is right.

The Curse of the Christmas Cookie

If I listen to the culture around me I learn that Christmas is about eating as much sweet stuff as I can fit into my mouth, spending too much money on gifts and dressing up for parties. There’s lots of lights, more than enough glitz to go around and cookies–my goodness but there are cookies!

Cookies get me every year. Who came up with the idea of the Christmas Cookie anyway? Everywhere I turn they are laughing at me with their powdered sugar icing eyes. I can’t escape! Before I can say sweet tooth, I’ve gained 10 pounds and I’m fully sugar addicted again. And I can’t hide from Christmas. That’s not an option. So I have to stare my cookie addiction straight in the face and deal with it head on.

In years past I’ve come up with strategies to deal with my cookie problems. Denial. Self-control. Exercise. You name it, I’ve tried it. So when I walked down the hall at work this morning and the guys invited me to have some cookies they were taken aback by my curt response, “Nooooooooo!” It was more of a caterwaul than a word. A wail. A cry of agony that meant, “Please don’t wave cookies at me. I can’t stand it!” They looked at me and laughed. “Okay then, Margaret. Don’t eat any cookies. Good grief!”

I was at a luncheon with other admins at work recently when the dessert menu came out. I took one look at the picture of chocolate silk cheesecake pie and leapt out of my seat and fled the restaurant. Everyone was staring at me. I felt ridiculous and I didn’t care. All I could think was, “Run! Run for your life!” I didn’t know what else to do. I knew if I ate that chocolate silk thing I was doomed. Doomed to eating more. Stricken by false need to coat my throat with sugar, fat and salt. And I just couldn’t deal with it. I didn’t care what people thought. I just knew I had to run and never look back.

Today I survived the infamous office department meeting with the most beautiful Christmas cookies I have ever seen. Okay, I see them all the time, but every time is a new temptation. They were lovely. Soft. Sensuously sweet. And now I’m drooling again.

The truth about cookies is this, I don’t have a stop button when it comes to them. If I eat one, I have to eat 10 and 20 and 100. I don’t know why. It’s not fair. But something in my body goes completely berserk when they come into contact with my tongue. So this year my new strategy is an old one…just say no. And then don’t cry about it. Don’t obsess about how unfair it is that I can’t have them. Don’t listen to the lies my brain concocts about having been so good that I can eat just one. It’s all poppycock! This year, I have resolved not to eat even one Christmas cookie. Period. End of story. And that’s that.

Did someone just say Chick-Fil-A ice cream? Dang-it!