“There came a night when I was ill and crying both with headache and toothache and distressed because my mother did not come to me. that was because she was ill too. And then my father, in tears, came into my room and began to try to convey to my terrified mind things it had never conceived before. It was in fact cancer and followed the usual course; an operation, an apparent convalescence, a return of the disease, increasing pain, and death.” C. S. Lewis – Surprised by Joy
The importance of mothers cannot be understated and yet it often is. Pregnancy is an inconvenience to be endured or aborted. Women wrestle with childcare options in order to work outside the home. Then on weekends, they find a sitter so they can pursue hobbies. They pull the child out for a selfie to post on social media – like a badge for their good parenting skills. But in the daily grind of life, their child is marginalized, neglected, and left clamoring for attention.
I write these words as an indictment of my own parenting over the years. I had to work outside the home. I didn’t have the option to stay with my little ones. I was reliant on grandmas and babysitters. And I was frequently tired and just wanted to be left alone. I wanted to go out on the weekend to play and I didn’t want a little one following along. Parenting is hard work, and I already had a full-time job.
My oldest son is 25 years old. I have a granddaughter and I see the same patterns repeating. The reality of life is that many women wrestle with career and parenting. I was never very good at it, but I suppose none of us are. We do the best we can with what we have at any given moment and press forward hoping our children won’t be emotionally scarred or worse. But the headlines are rife with stories of children hurt or abused at daycare. And mothers live with a perpetual guilt even if they don’t work outside the home. Children suffer by way of what I call “device daycare” and we go on as if there is nothing we can do about it.
Some of us will run and pick up a self-help book to gather fresh ideas. We will talk to our friends, lament, have a glass of wine and call it a day. But somewhere along the line we have forgotten that to be a mother is to lay down our lives for our children. Their needs supersede our own. Motherhood is a sacrificial endeavor and one that should never be taken lightly. C. S. Lewis never got over the loss of his own mother and it is a testament to their importance.
My own mother had her work cut out for her when it came to me. I was a most stubborn, deceitful, self-centered child. I made it my mission in life to defy her. I refused to submit, obey, or even clean my room. Much of that was because life was generally overwhelming for me. I struggled in so many areas. My mother just didn’t know what to do with that. She didn’t understand that a child could live in such disarray. (My husband can sympathize!) My brain is cluttered, and it manifests in my daily living spaces. But my mother didn’t roll over. She grit her teeth and did everything in her power to teach me. She loved me. Even though it didn’t feel like it at the time.
My thinking changed as I matured by raising my own children. I came to understand her dilemma. Of course, the biggest problem we both have is that we are sinners living in a fallen world. But for the grace of God, I might not have survived childhood. And so, I try to teach my own boys about grace and the goodness of God. It’s the best gift I can give to them; to teach them about Jesus and the gift of salvation and the hope we have in Him to overcome sin.
I am not a perfect parent. Every day I fail my children in some way (though never intentionally). But I am praying for them, and I know God hears and answers my prayers. I have set my mind like flint to lose my life for my boys and to never give up.
This countercultural mindset is powerful. By the grace of God I stand for my children. I will not relent. I will persevere. If you are reading this and you are a mother – I hope you will too.
“Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God.” Colossians 3:2-3
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