Just Give Me Some Ice Cream Already!

I’m not having a very good day. In fact, I haven’t had a good day in about 6 days. There are adjectives that describe days like today, colorful words that ladies don’t ever say. Not ever(or at least not when children or small animals are around).

I arrived home tonight and sat in the driveway for 10 minutes. I did this because I know that when I get out of the car and walk through the front door I am going to encounter this.

I was really good today. I wanted to eat many bad things but instead I waited until I was hungry to eat lunch and ate cabbage salad. There are many good things about cabbage salad. It is crunchy. It is good for your body. It does not taste like chocolate chip cookies. It does not taste like pizza. It does not taste like French fries. Oops. You see, my brain made my arms lift the fork to my mouth and made my mouth eat the cabbage salad, but my brain could not shut off the craving for everything BUT cabbage salad. My boss told me he was hungry about 3:00pm and I said, “I have cabbage salad. Would you like some?” And he rolled his eyes and walked away. Today, I felt like that too but instead of rolling my eyes I ate it. Why? Because obviously I had not endured enough torture and really wanted to push myself over the edge.

My boss said, “Do you have any chocolate?” And I gave him the candy bar he has been slowly chipping away at for the past week. That I keep in my desk. That I don’t allow myself to eat. Because I am strange. I mean really, who does that?

I know what I need. I need a bunny. I need a fluffy bunny that craves love and affection as much as I do. He should be black and have floppy ears and he should get angry when I stop petting him. Oh, look! I found one!

I will hug him and squeeze him and call him Laddie–because that’s his name.

Tomorrow is a new day. It should be better than today. It may not be, but it should be. So I’m going to eat some sugar free something(last night it was sugar free peach pie, sugar free muffins and sugar free chocolate–because if it is sugar free, it is calorie free, right?) And I am not going to weigh myself because I won’t like what I see. And I will find something good and glorious to be happy about.

Right now I need to chase away the cute and cuddly ground hog that is hanging out in my neighbors yard because even though I told my youngest beastlet to stay away from it “It will gnaw your face off!” He just really wants to pet it. And it’s almost as big as he is and I don’t want to end this *insert expletive of your choice* day at the hospital explaining why my child was trying to cuddle with a wild and vicious animal even though we have plenty of domesticated animals to cuddle with in the house.