“It’s not my ability, but my response to God’s ability that counts.” – Corrie Ten Boom
Yesterday I just wanted a hug. My body was unhappy and I longed for the loving arms of a friend to comfort me. I felt this weakness so down deep into my bones that I silently cried out in agony for someone, anyone, to hear my hurt and bind up my wounds. So it was that I found myself on the phone with a casual friend. As I explained my weakness and illness she responded the way that so many people do. “You need to find the right doctor. You need to fix this problem as soon as possible. You can’t just sit back and suffer like this.” And while her words were meant to help, they only made me feel worse. They put the weight of my burden squarely back on my shoulders. As if I haven’t seen doctors. As if I haven’t taken medicines. As if I am doing something wrong because I haven’t found a solution yet. And I felt the weight of her words for some time after the conversation was over. And I wished I had never told her how much I was hurting because no matter how much she wanted to relieve my pain, she could not.
Pain ignites within us a deep longing for relief that cannot be met by human beings. This point has never been so brilliantly illustrated as it was to me a few nights ago when my husband called me in to watch a Jennifer Nettles video for one of her new songs. Now my dear readers must understand that I adore Ms. Nettles. Her voice transports me straight to the emotions she so brilliantly illustrates vocally. My husband thinks she swell too. So when we saw the video for “Unlove You” we were transfixed. In fact, we both stood there staring at the computer as the moving pictures so beautifully illustrated this song of desperate longing for love. But within a few minutes I started to feel sick as it became evident what the song was about; an illicit love affair. As the characters dove into the water to consummate their passion I said, “I can’t watch this,” and I walked away. I heard him say behind me, “Yeah, that’s not one of her best.” And we could have said a lot more but we didn’t. Because even though our marriage survived the affair, the scars remain, no matter how many years have passed. And we both know the truth; our deep longings can never be satisfied by flimsy passions, no matter how many pretty pictures and songs you paint around them.
Our culture is very good at telling us what we want. We want extra cheese on our pizza, extra va-va-voom in our cars, and extra sexy for our bodies. Companies exploit our passions via glitzy marketing to feed their own monetary greed. And we follow along like eager puppies wagging our tails. But I would like to propose that when pain hits and digs in its heels, there is nothing our culture has to offer that will help us.
My father-in-law was recently talking to me about a drug dealer who lives across the street from him. He says the flow of people in and out is disconcerting. He said to me, “I just don’t understand why people do drugs.” I tried to be delicate but in essence said, “I do. They do it to numb the pain.” That’s about the best our culture has to offer—the means to numb our pain. We can do it with food—as I did for years—or with drugs, or even with people(“illicit love”). But when we lay in bed at night with intense physical or emotional pain, we are forced to come to terms with the fact that nothing and no one on this cursed planet can help us. I believe that is why super heroes are so popular. We all have this innate desire inside of us that is screaming out to be rescued.
Because we can’t cure cancer.
And we can’t bring the dead back to life.
Shoot. We can’t even make peace with our neighbors.
So whether you want to admit it or not, the absolute truth is that we are absolutely and completely helpless. So depending on your world view you have one of two options; seek the pleasures of today and revel in them until you die—believing there are no absolute consequences. Or, cry out to God to save you.
“For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace.” – The Apostle Paul in his letter to the Roman Christians
I want life and peace. There I’ve said it. I’ve tried the things of this world and they just don’t satisfy the longings of my heart. Maybe you are reading this and thinking I’m a lunatic. Maybe you think my God-talk is a crutch for uneducated thinking. Maybe you even think that the intellectual pursuit of peace and holiness is just plain stupid. After all, there is just too much fun to be had in this world so why would I want to deny myself the pleasure of it. What I’m saying is this; pleasure for pleasure’s sake is empty. I know because I’ve tried it and it only made the longings grow. Even numbing the pain doesn’t cure the problem. It’s like taking an Advil and pretending I don’t have a flesh eating bacteria eating the skin off my leg. I want a cure. I want real and lasting relief. I want the kind of satisfaction that seeps into the hollow places in my heart and fills them up so that I don’t have to go out and keep looking for more. More sex. More food. A nice car. Cooler friends. A more attractive mate.
Some doctors have told me I’m perfectly healthy. I know I am not. So when there are no other answers, I keep searching. And maybe one day I’ll figure it out. But even if I do not(and that is important) I believe that God has a purpose for my suffering–if only to make me more dependent on Him. Because here’s the truth—Jesus satisfies the deepest longings of my heart.
Yesterday I was in terrible pain. Emotional pain. Physical pain. And I was tired of the whole business of life. So I cried out to Jesus for help. And I found it.
“For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the first fruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies.” – The Apostle Paul in his letter to the Roman Christians
I’m not alone. Pain is part of the human condition. We all long for redemption, even if we don’t want to admit it.
Today I forced myself out of bed and onto the elliptical machine. I honestly did not believe I could work out. I tried anyway. I always assume I can make it at least 15 minutes. Then I try for 15 more. That’s my philosophy – I don’t think I can, but I will try. It’s my approach to food addiction and my marriage, and raising my children. But the backbone behind this philosophy is that I know I cannot do these things. In myself, I am not strong enough to persevere through life. But God is able to give me the strength when I need it most. When all my faculties fail me, whether it be physical strength or emotional strength, he is able when I am not. Jesus is my truth. He is my only hope. And He satisfies the deepest longings of my soul.
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