Just when you thought it was safe to eat…
Just when you thought it was harmless to savor a tasty morsel…
Just when you thought the journey to living a healthy lifestyle was smooth and creamy—like whipped avocado…
Whammo! You fall right smack dab into the middle of the Pit of Temptation!
The Pit of Temptation is well camouflaged. The edges are lined with gumdrop hedges and lollipop trees. Cotton candy sheep nibble on coconut grass and chocolate milk cows moo sweet lullabies to unsuspecting passersby. The gingerbread cottage—its roof tiled with candy corn—gives off the aroma of gladness. When walking by, one can’t help but stop and linger. The effervescent soda fountain gurgles with glee—promising a respite from the harsh realities of the Daily Diet Desert.
Suddenly, a tile falls from the roof and straight into our unsuspecting mouths and before we know it we have tumbled headlong over the edge we did not previously notice. We land in the thick molasses river that percolates deep underground and are quickly carried away on the current. At first we are so disoriented that we do not realize the white roots we are grasping at to stop our progress are the bleached bones of the (sugar-addicted) dead who have gone before us. All too soon we arrive at the underground city and are surrounded by gesticulating gerbils with tiny swords. They pull us out and take turns stuffing us with chewy caramels and we are helplessly, hopelessly, humiliated.
The longer we spend in the Daily Diet Desert, the more alluring The Pit of Temptation becomes. I found myself an unwilling resident in that hot and barren wasteland over the winter. How did I get there, you ask? Well, I took a shortcut through work-out burn-out alley and cemented my residency by menu maleficence. One simply cannot eat the same foods and do the same workout day after day for months on end and not eventually experience catastrophe.
So there I was–stuck in the Pit of Temptation (standing in line at the grocery store)–the other evening when I heard Tina Turner sing, “We don’t need another hero”. One of the cashiers at Trader Joe’s began shrieking along with Tina and thereby cemented the tune in my mind for the next several hours. I drove home thinking, “But I do need a hero. I need someone to swoop down and pluck me out of this molasses river. I’m sick and tired of being lured off the path of righteous eating by the sweet songs of the chocolate milk moo cows. How come Hollywood never makes a superhero movie about Sugar-Free Sally and her trusty band of Salutary Sisters?”
Surely Sugar-Free Sally could ride in on her trusty steed, Stevia, and swoop me up. She would thrust her sword through those gesticulating gerbils and put an end to their cavorting caramel caper! Her sisters would then pull out their billowing blowtorches and flambé the gingerbread house until it was a charred ruin—no longer capable of luring unsuspecting innocents. Then, she would stand against the sunset and promise that she will always fight on the side of (fat free) soup, lettuce and whole fruit parfait.
Alas, I have grown weary of being held captive by vexing vermin! So I resolved to find other remedies for my sticky situation. You see, I know it is possible to escape the Pit of Temptation if one is brave and true of heart. Of course one must embrace sugar withdrawals and paddle their trusty life raft—the mighty Will-Power—against the current of popular opinion. One must navigate the Whimpering Waterfall and be willing to climb the treacherous walls of Elliptical Cavern. And once out of the pit, one must erect a barbed wire fence with a sign that reads, “Beware: Cotton Candy Sheep are Carnivorous!”
Once one has escaped from the Pit of Temptation, it is important to forge a new path and take refuge from the Daily Diet Desert in the land of Moderation. There is a quaint little town there called Respite where one can indulge in roasted vegetables, walk along the Babbling Brook of Early Bedtime, and massage away toxic emotions in Calorie-Free Cottage. It is a wonderful place to live and worth every step of the difficult journey.
Today, if you have fallen victim to the Pit of Temptation, take heart! Escape is not impossible, only difficult. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, and the destination is definitely worth the discipline!
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