No matter what you think, learning discipline is not like living in a wasteland, it’s more like climbing a mountain. There is great beauty, not only at the top, but on the path along the way. When we think about addressing our vices, it feels risky–maybe even terrifying. But I propose that NOT dealing with our vices is the real wasteland–a place of desolation, and–might I risk saying–horror.
It started with a thought. But the thought was like a pinprick. I waved it away but the sting remained. Even worse, the thought had planted a seed which was starting to grow. The more I tried not to think about it, the worse it got because I was worrying over making it go away. Worry quickly turned to planning how to resolve the problem. Once the plan was hatched, I did not want to abort the mission. The next thing I knew I was standing in the candy aisle at the grocery store staring at the Nestle Caramel Treasures–brimming with expectation and shame. I was conscious of every person that passed behind me. Did they see me as I saw myself? A fat, pathetic loser? Did they loathe me as much as I did? But the desire was too strong. I could not thwart it. So I grabbed the bags(yes–several bags) and carried them as inconspicuously as I could. I stood in line. I dared not look the cashier in the eye as I greeted her and paid for my booty. That’s how I felt–like a pirate with stolen treasure. Everything inside me screamed that it was wrong and I needed to quit my terrible habit. But the need was so strong that it reduced the self-loathing thoughts into bite sized pieces I could swallow with my chocolate, piece by terrible piece. I told myself it was the last time. Until the next time. When the process started all over again.
Some people reading this will not relate to compulsive behaviors that prod and poke at the mind. But even if they do not, they have probably experienced the desire to do something they know is wrong and have fulfilled that desire against their better judgement. They deal with the consequences, whether it be minor or major. We all do it. It is an inevitable part of the human condition. We are all fragile in our attempts to deny our impulses whether we want to admit it or not.
This blog post is my weak and very human attempt to describe my approach to discipline. I am not a nutritionist or a physical fitness expert. I’m not even a motivational speaker. I’m just Margaret, a I compulsive thinker and eater. And this approach is what I have learned thus far.
Let’s begin.
Determine Your Goal. Goals are not wishes. Your goal must be something attainable. If you are training to run a marathon, you don’t get up one morning and try to run 26 miles having never even run one. Do not set yourself up for failure. That breeds discouragement and you will have enough of that without supersizing your doubt. Facing your giant–whatever that may be–can be extremely intimidating. Which leads me to my next point…
Face your fears head on. Admit it, you’re terrified. It’s okay to be afraid. Just don’t pretend your fears don’t exist. I don’t think I’ve ever been so scared in my life as my first attempt at ridding my life of sugar. I literally could not envision a life without it. Which leads me to my next point…
Be imaginative. Maybe you don’t have an artistic bone in your body. Maybe your idea of creativity is dotting a piece of paper with glue and adding glitter. The most important thing about imagination is that you have one and that you use it wisely and with good humor. When you first begin to practice discipline your brain will always return to the thing you are trying to avoid. Therefore you must fill that empty space with something else. I always read suggestions like, “Instead of eating dessert, go for a walk” or “Instead of eating dessert, pick up a fun hobby.” As if that would ever stop me from dealing with my food issues. Hunger will come and I needed a creative way to deal with it. So I have tried to have fun by looking up healthy recipes in books from the library. I have made sugar-free recipes and given myself the freedom to fail(some were awful). I have shopped at the store and picked out fruits I never tried before just for the new experience of tasting them. A friend once told me avocados were so good that “you could peel and eat them plain”. (I just wish she had told me you had to wait for them to ripen first.)
When the going gets tough, stand firm. I’m talking about fists balled up, teeth gritted, crouching tiger pose, kick-some-ass resolve. Nothing and no one is going to talk you out of it. Changing bad behavior is going to hurt. But here’s the deal… which pain is worse? The pain of remaining where you are, or the pain of going on a journey that could change your life? I used to hate exercise. I do not use the word hate lightly. I mean it with every sense of the imagination. When I took my 310 pound body for a walk around the block at a moderate pace, it was brutal. It was also a wake up call. But the exercise was not a big deal compared to building healthy eating habits. That was a whole other ball of anxiety. I remember when my friend at work made cookies and invited me to eat some. I think I had been sugar-free for only a few weeks. I said no and it hurt her feelings. Then I felt guilty. Because I really wanted cookies. But(and here’s where the imagination is key) I followed my behaviors to their legitimate end. I knew if I ate 2 cookies, I would want 4 cookies, and then 4 or 12 more. I knew I couldn’t eat just 2. So I decided not to eat any. And I sat in my cube and cried. And while I didn’t believe in that moment that I could live a healthy lifestyle for the rest of my life, I knew that I could live one day without cookies.
Chart your victories. Victories are memorable but they fade on the days you want to give up. Sometimes walking on the right path can be boring. Celebrate anyway. The past week I have been faithfully exercising, eating right, and resting in the proper proportions. I have lost zero pounds. I choose to celebrate my lack of failing anyway. I’m not talking about going on a bender(don’t do that!) It’s more like a mental pat on the back. It’s a “Hey, Margaret! You rock!” If you reach a milestone on your journey, by all means go out and dance(unless you are trying to wean yourself off of that behavior). But do something to recognize your achievement.
Prepare to fight again. The journey to learn discipline never ends. There will be good days and there will be bad days(even bad weeks and months). Prepare mentally to face your weaknesses. This can be as simple as understanding that temptation to return to old behaviors will happen, or it can be as practical as not keeping bad habit paraphernalia around. I avoided the candy aisle for nearly a year when I was building new habits. I had to. I just didn’t trust myself, and knowing that was a solid protective measure that kept me safe.
One caveat… people might think you’re weird. I have had to make peace with the fact that some people think I’m strange. In a culture that encourages indulgence as some sort of sacred right, self-discipline is looked upon as odd. But I’m not worried about what other people think. They don’t live inside my head. I do. And I’m the one who has to live with the consequences of my behaviors.
Before I knew anything about discipline, I thought of it primarily as punishment. But I have come to understand that discipline actually protects me. By dealing with the short term pain of culling bad behaviors, I have gained long-term satisfaction and pleasure because I have gained confidence that I can succeed. Or put another way, dealing with the little pain(diet and exercise) on the front end is better than dealing with the big pain(overeating and laziness)on the back end(pun intended).
Discipline is a tool, and when used properly, it can transform your life. For me, discipline has always been about bringing me closer to God. I viewed my intemperate lifestyle as a hindrance to spiritual growth. Not that I was trying to be some type of “holier-than-thou” person. Nothing could be further from my actual intention. It’s just that I had read a passage of scripture that indicated to me that as a follower of Christ I was set free from my sin, and I wanted to fully explore what that meant. After all, how could I really be free when I couldn’t stop eating to excess? For me, practicing discipline is part of the process of building a closer relationship with Jesus–who I love and adore.
I also wanted to understand what it meant to be “more than a conqueror”. (Romans 8:31-39) Before I began my journey to live a healthy lifestyle I felt like anything BUT a conqueror. I would not say the same today, though it’s quite obvious to me that I don’t have it perfected just yet.
So that is my approach to discipline. It’s not perfect and I’m sure the experts could poke a million holes in it. I probably missed something somewhere along the line, and I give myself this out: I’m still learning. And for that, I believe God gives me more grace. Today, I pray he give you more grace in your attempts as well. After all, if you are reading this you are probably human just like me. And if you’re not, well, that is another issue entirely.
Romans 8:37-39
37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[b] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
I smiled a lot at your blog this morning. Your insights have been hard won. You aren’t the first to have them. A life book for me has been Donald S. Whitney’s Spiritual Disciplines for the Christian Life. I still get it out periodically and look at the underlined words. It is one of those “chart your victories” things. Lessons learned at one time sometimes need to be learned over and over. It always helps me to see where I’ve been and that I have had success. It’s a goodly reminder to NEVER GIVE UP!! Love, Mom