Hot Under the Collar

“The bee did buzz, did land, did taste. She swatted at the beast. And so the hairy demon stung and poison was released.

The bee did die but left behind a welt of fiery pain. The lass did cry but stomping on the bee was all in vain.”

Sometimes stomping feels good. Especially if we have been hurt in some way. It feels productive in the moment. Nobody wants to be a blathering victim crying in their pudding. We want to hit back. We want to take out the bully, the robber, or the boss.

But how do we respond when there is no anesthetic for the pain? What happens when the body of our friend lies cold? When sickness clings and does not abate? When the friend does not relent of their betrayal?

Lashing out is extremely gratifying in the heat of the moment, but does nothing to heal our wound. The bee sting still throbs–or worse–sends us running for a shot to stop anaphylactic shock!

I have been “hot under the collar” for some time now and working hard to manage my rage. I’m sure I don’t seem like a particularly angry person, but I am. There is no shortage of things to be angry at. Be it the evening news, politics, the pandemic, or that pesky driver who wasn’t paying attention and hit me hard enough to shove me into another car; yeah, I’ve been pretty “steamed”. I have friends who disagree with me on vaccines and masks and some who have even cut me out of their lives. And the cutting goes both ways. My social media feed shrinks every day.

It’s not a sin to be angry. Anger is an emotion God gave us. Jesus got angry. God certainly gets angry. I’ve been reading in Ezekiel and am quite disturbed by the first few chapters. For all those people (charlatans?) who claim to be prophets, who of them ever got a vision from God telling them to pronounce judgement on a nation by cooking all their meals over human dung? God hates sin. And “hate” is a very strong word.

But my question to me is, “What am I supposed to do with all this anger?” So many of the things I’m angry about are out of my control. Dead Marines? Check. Dead Christians? Check. Incompetent leadership? Check. And those are just the things I can think of off the top of my head. I could list another 20 or 30, but that would be boring.

Tick

Most recently I’m really angry about ticks. Ticks bite. Literally. My whole life I’ve been getting ticks on my body and never had a problem other than an itchy spot for a few weeks. But in early July I picked up a tick carrying a bacteria called “Ehrlichia chaffeensis“. Both humans and dogs can get this bacteria and it causes a nasty infection that kills white blood cells. Therefore, when I went to the hospital with a 103.5 fever and discovered my white blood cells were low (81) and my liver enzymes were over 500, the doctors were a little concerned. The good news, they said, was that a little antibiotic (doxycycline) would fix me right up. If I would “give it a day or two”, I would be just fine. But, a week later, when I was still running a fever, I went back to hospital and got another “all expense paid by me” trip through the ER and another painful IV to boot. I was told I had a secondary infection, needed more antibiotics, and was told to “go home and rest”.

I suppose at the time I was too tired to be full-on angry, but my pot was simmering nonetheless. I have worked very hard to get healthy and stay healthy but this was beyond my control. Still, I have to admit I was “hot under the collar” at God. I blamed him. He allowed me to get the “tick-ness”. And it just didn’t feel fair or right.

Maybe I shouldn’t admit that; but it’s true. And here I am at the end of August, still tired, still queasy in my guts, and still weak. If you want to know the truth, I’m aggravated.

So I’ve had my little “stomp”. I’ve also done my fair share of crying and pity-partying. I also realize that in the grand scheme of life, Ehrlichia is not the worst thing that could happen to me or anybody else. It’s treatable. Curable, even. Even if it’s taking longer than I want it to. Things could be worse. I could have a tumor that turned out to be my mostly absorbed twin from birth and all that’s left is some teeth and a grotesque looking eyeball. That would really be disturbing.

There are plenty of verses in the bible about anger, but I’ll spare the dear reader. Sometimes when the kettle begins to boil, the steam must come out. I am human, not a robot. There are a few activities that are helpful (like burning a bonfire in my backyard). I can also go the river and throw rocks in the water. The fish might be annoyed, but they can suck it. And when the anger cools and the pain takes hold, I cling to the promises Jesus made to his followers…

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.” John 14:27

Today, if you are angry, stomp! But then remember you are loved. And when the smoke clears, remember the One who bore the brunt of the Father’s wrath on the cross so that you might have eternal salvation.