Hope Comes in the Morning

“Oh Lord, I am furrowed like the field. Torn open like the dirt. And I know that to be healed that I must be broken first.” – Andrew Peterson

I woke in the night to the terror of monsters who had invaded my dreams. They writhed and tormented me with horrors I will not speak of, and so I climbed from bed and hid in the bathroom. And I held my stomach because it ached. It aches a lot lately, and I’m fighting to find a way to fix it. And I prayed—because that’s what I do. And then I went back to sleep.

So when I crawled from bed this morning to exercise, I remembered the mild ache in my gut and it occurred to me that maybe I should rest. After all, I have learned from overdoing it that if I am not careful, my body only continues its downward spiral in a slow and steady decline. But after drinking a glass of water, I considered that sometimes raising my heart rate chases away the body ghosts—both mental and physical—and so I laced up my walking shoes, grabbed my friend, Tank, and set out to see the world.

This morning I got a good chuckle out of Tank chuffing repeatedly after a school bus blasted by us blowing out thick, black smoke. With each “chuff” I said, “Yep. Stinky bus! I hear ya, Buddy.” And I had to smile when we walked by the yard of the beagle who likes to give Tank(and me) a run for our money. My dog remembers his “friends” and always looks for them at least a block before we reach them. These include German Shepherds, Shih Tzu’s and today, an Alaskan Malamute who was accompanied by two Dachshunds. Curiously, the Malamute stood there looking annoyed while the “weiner dogs” danced and barked around him. I know exactly how that feels because I have two boys, and when they get excited, they are not unlike those yippy creatures.

We finished our walk and I ran into the house to get a shower, and while I was getting ready I heard the most beautiful song. A Mockingbird has taken a shine to a suet feeder I have on the back deck and as I cleaned up, I heard him singing. And his song made me glad in a way chocolate ice cream never could. I never saw him because he flew off too quickly, but my son was eating at the table and confirmed his appearance. And with that song the nightmares that had so clouded my night, and the pain in my belly just sort of diminished somehow.

I have been listening to my Bible while I walk and there is a verse in Romans that keeps jumping out at me.

“Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.” Romans 12:12

Right now I feel very much in the “tribulation” phase with my health issues. And I find that learning patience is definitely hard work. But persevering through it also gives me hope and that makes me happy. I couldn’t do any of this without prayer.

Living a healthy lifestyle takes dedication and grit. I have found that while there are a thousand reasons to quit, and only a handful that really make me want to persevere, the few are far more important than the thousand. This morning I needed to see the sky. I needed the cool air in my lungs and I needed the friendliness of a dog who loves me even though I’m an odd duck.

Sometimes I see these advertisements that show scantily clad people with zero body fat working out in a fancy gym. The ad usually includes the catch phrase, “Beach Body” in its enticement to buy the product. As in, “Don’t you want a beach body?” Well, I’ll be honest, three children have come out of my body and I’m never going to look like that. Those ads just don’t motivate me at all. You know what does? Nature. Family. People who understand what I’m going through who refuse to give up. People like my friend Holly(at 300 Pounds Down) who also struggles with food addiction. Today her blog really encouraged me. I saw it at just the right time—while I was trying to talk myself out of making a run for ice cream.

I must never lose sight of why I began this journey to learn discipline. I don’t want to live my life like a runaway freight train on a collision course with myself. I want to continue learn how to tame my passions. I certainly haven’t mastered it yet. But I’m getting there. One choice at a time.

On February 17, 2016   /   The Journey   /   2 Comments