A Hard Habit to Break

I am a creature of habit. Some people say, “I’m stuck in a rut” as if that were a bad thing. But as for me, I like my ruts long and deep. Ruts are easy. And that is why we ate homemade pizza for 6 days in a row last week. I was worn out (life is busy—not to mention mentally challenging) and everybody likes pizza. Believe it or not, I get tired of my children complaining about the healthy dinners I make.

Last week it was Mom for the win! And we might have had pizza for dinner every night forever except that my husband put his foot down. He might have said something like, “Where’s the beef?” but I can’t remember. Mainly, he made it clear the reign of pizza was over. And that is when Taco week began. (Okay, it was really only 3 days of tacos, but I digress)

Before I learned how to make “healthy” pizza, I would never have imagined I could eat pizza for 6 days in a row and not gain weight. And it’s not just because I exercise a lot. (Fyi…one can lose weight via diet alone) This morning while I was jogging, I was thinking about my routines and how safe they make me feel. I was also thinking about how wonderful it is that I spent so many years cultivating healthy habits. I don’t say all of this to brag about how awesome I am. Much to the contrary. I am simply saying that I am glad some good came out of the diet and exercise torture I went through to get to a place where I no longer weigh 310 pounds. I’ll be candid…I never, ever want to go through that again. Twice is enough!
But there was a time in my life when I could not have imagined being excited to wake up early to exercise and I am very glad that has become my reality. Still, there are some days—like today—when I consider my “new reality” and chuckle.

I have recently been a part of a Facebook Group of women(mostly moms) who are striving to live a healthy lifestyle. I didn’t purposely sign up for the group. It happened quite by accident. The owner of the group is a Facebook friend and she added me to a team after I “liked” one of her posts about forming two teams who compete for the most miles walked in a week. Today I noticed that my name was at the top of team 2 and I wondered if she did that because she knew I would be faithful to keep my team on track.

It then occurred to me that 6 short years ago I was struggling to walk up one hill, much less 6 miles of hills(which is now my comfortable “rut”). As I was taking my “proof of exercise” picture, it occurred to me how strange my situation is. How did the girl who could barely walk around one block get to a place where she eats “healthy pizza” and walks 6 miles several times a week, and is such a sure-fire exercise bet that she gets put at the top of the roster for an workout challenge? (disclaimer—I might be reading too much into the list leader thing, but please don’t burst my bubble and tell me it was a coincidence)

In 1984, the band Chicago released a song called, “Hard habit to break”. In it the broken-hearted man laments the loss of someone he took for granted. When Peter Cetera sings, “I’m addicted to you! You’re a hard habit to break”, he could be singing my song. After all, trading in my Snickers bars for dried apricots took some “getting used to”. (if you feel so inclined, read my posts about sugar addiction)

There was a time when I couldn’t envision my life without plates of cookies or chocolate stashed in my drawers at work. Now I stop at tables on the side of the road for free summer squash (while my children whine, “Mom, what are you doing?!”) I ride my bike for hours just so I can soak in the fresh air and sunshine. I make whole wheat pizza crust heaped high with veggies instead of pepperoni and sausage. And truthfully, I don’t miss the heaps of sugary/carb laden crap. And I don’t like to imagine returning to a life where I’m not able to move freely.

So many times I watch friends and acquaintances lose large amounts of weight only to gain it back. I’ve done it myself—mostly because I am a creature of habit. If I eat ice cream one day, I want it the next day too. And that is why it has been so important that I stay as sugar-free as possible. Eliminating sugar reduces the cravings by circumventing the insulin loop that causes me to want more. This is especially important because increasing exercise causes me to get hungry more often. By practicing healthy habits, I have created an environment where I can maintain my weight loss over time.

Now, 6 years into my journey, I find it really challenging to put unhealthy foods into my mouth. And when people question my resolve, I have no problem telling them why I abstain. And if people feel offended by my “rut”, so be it.

It takes time to learn about how to properly nourish the body. It takes time to develop an exercise routine. Much like wearing down a footpath into the woods requires day after day of stomping down the weeds, living a healthy lifestyle does not happen overnight. So if you are reading this and you have been disheartened over past failures… if you feel like you don’t have the strength or stamina to make another start… if you think healthy people are annoying people(sometimes I do too!)… think again. Try again. Because I am living proof that healthy habits are hard to break. And even though I really like the Chicago song that grieves the burden of a habit that is hard to let go of, I am happy to follow it up with the Robert Plant fiesta that is, “Addicted to Love”. Because the thing is, I am “addicted to love” -ing myself enough to stop hurting myself with food my food addiction.

On July 18, 2016   /   The Journey   /   Leave a comment