It’s funny how adulthood sneaks up on you. Birthdays as a child are so exciting and magical. One never knows what exciting thing will happen. We wait with impatience for the clown to jump out of the cake or for the trip to the circus or for the plush animal we wanted “all our life”. But adulthood is waking up on your birthday with a pinched nerve in your back and numbness in your legs. Adulthood is arguing with a panic attack (also at 4am) to go away and “don’t come back another day!” Adulthood is grumbling out of bed and scolding the dogs so they don’t wake up the other people in the house and not even realizing it is a noteworthy day. Wait, what? It’s my birthday?
Grandma Margaret
I fully realize I have officially been an adult for a few years now, but this year it feels real. Like, even my breath smells old. I have a streak of silver in my hair. I regret my digestive tract. A co-worker asked me if I have a black eye on Zoom. No, that’s just the circles that tell me I’m not 25 anymore. And it’s true; I am a grandmother. But that’s no excuse!
Annabelle–my boxer–who thinks it’s her birthday every day wants to play with the “evil monkey” I got at the thrift store but I have to work. There are too many competing priorities to play “throw the soggy monkey”! And right about the time time I finish one project, I realize I have 17 more. And while I want to throw a pity party, I simply don’t have capacity at the moment!
But on a quick bathroom break I realize something awful. I have forgotten how to have fun. This realization frightens me. I don’t eat cake. I don’t eat ice cream. This sugar-free lifestyle suddenly feels very restrictive and weird. But then I realize something more powerful: I don’t have to buy into the cultural narrative of what birthday fun is. Fun is what I want it to be. After all, it’s my birthday! Not anyone elses!
So after I finished my workday, I put on a nice pair of jeans and a leather jacket and took my dog, Tank, for a walk. We looked at the blue sky and fluffy white clouds. We waved at cars. We took deep, cleansing breaths. It was wonderful. Then, I had my son take my picture for posterity. This is what my birthday in 2020 looks like. I am happy—pinched nerve and all! And I am really happy I have a good chiropractor (who I visited at lunch) to adjust my vertebrae so I could go on that short walk. Dr. Amy is amazing!
And now, for my last bit of fun. I want to do something bold! Something CRAZY! I took some pictures a month ago to mark my 10 years of living a healthy lifestyle. I have managed to lose a few pounds during the pandemic and am officially 150 pounds lighter than I was in May of 2010. That figure astounds me. And while I do not have a perfect body and I don’t know how to “airbrush” or “photoshop”, I took a few pictures so I could remember what it feels like to be “not quite a super model but supremely satisfied with my physique”. And I am going to post one of those pictures here. Don’t zoom in or you’ll see the stretch marks! But seriously, Praise God from whom all blessings flow. He has helped me to be victorious over my battle with food addiction and I am so, so happy for his friendship.
I can’t believe that’s me!
And now, I think I shall retire to a nice, soothing Epsom salt bath that involves listening to classical music. After all, that sounds better than 10 chocolate cupcakes! Happy birthday to me!
PS: Mom, I love my birthday gift. Bunny salt and pepper shakers are not lame at all!
Happy Birthday sister! Your whole post sure put a smile on my face today. I am thankful for Christ’s friendship too! (And yours)