From Root to Fruit: Conquering Pride

Sometimes we encounter people that give us a clear perspective on the true state of our heart. But I find it rather curious that when I encounter one of these people, I instinctively justify my own response to their fundamental problem rather than simply loving them for who they are. If loving your neighbor sounds easy, it’s not. And I’ll be candid, I find it to be a very complex issue that deserves to be addressed. I’ll illustrate why.

Today I found myself stewing(again) over someone who continually displays a very arrogant attitude toward me. This person believes(or at the very least acts like they believe), that because of their title and position,(maybe even because they have more money) that they are entitled to treat me as less of a human being than they are. If you have never been treated this way, God bless you. For some reason I have encountered a lot of people like this in life, and they make me seriously crabby. Like fingers on a chalkboard or the smell of sewage on a windy day—these kind of people attack my senses. I often feel like there is nothing I can do to alleviate the aggravation other than to leave their vicinity as quickly as humanly possible. Which I do. The problem is, my thoughts go with me.

After encountering such a person today, I immediately stopped what I was doing, prayed for that person, and then forgave them for offending my senses. And if you believe that, I have a bridge to sell you in Brooklyn. Actually, my train of thought was something much more debased, and sounded something like this.

“What on earth gives Jimmy the right to think he’s better than me? I’m just as smart as he is. Heck, I work out! And Jimmy is fat. In fact, Jimmy is stupid too. But he’s SO stupid he doesn’t even know he’s stupid. He just walks around with this casual, “I’m so much better than Margaret attitude.” And I really hate Jimmy because his attitude toward me stinks. Because I am awesome! I mean seriously, how can he not think I’m awesome? Look at Jimmy. Sometimes he doesn’t wear socks. And a lot of times his tie doesn’t match his pants. And the thing is, the next time I see Jimmy, I’m going to stick my tongue out at him behind his back because I think it will be funny and that will make me feel better about his stinky attitude. And he will never even know, because like I said before, Jimmy is stupid. And obviously, I am so much smarter than Jimmy. (disclaimer: gender and name have no bearing on the real person and are–in this instance–used for illustrative purposes only)

Pride:
noun: a feeling or deep pleasure or satisfaction derived from one’s own achievements, the achievements of those with whom one is closely associated, or from qualities or possessions that are widely admired.

Pride is gross. It is definitely one of the nastier traits of the human heart. And what I realized today–as thoughts of “Jimmy” took up entirely too much space in my brain–was that my attitude was just as ugly–if not uglier–than his.

Why do I instinctively want to be a jerk to someone who has been a jerk to me? I suppose it’s because evil hurts, and my gut reaction to pain is to cause pain back. But what absolutely kills me in this instance is how my response to arrogance was in fact, an exaggerated response of the same exact nature. When I realized it, I was stunned. But that realization did nothing to make me have better thoughts about the person who makes my life miserable. Forgiving and loving people who disdain us is really hard.

When I think about the character of Jesus and what he calls people who follow him to do, it really is quite revolutionary. I mean seriously, he tells us to love our enemies and “bless those who persecute us.” But how do I do that? Sometimes I just can’t. And that is when I remember why Jesus came and took my sin to the cross–to forgive me for all the times I was an unrepentant, arrogant jerk. He saw all my pride and ugliness and he loved me any way. And I can’t even be nice to Jimmy the Jerk.

Everything that Jesus taught feels contrary to what the rest of the world says or does. After all, isn’t that what people go to court for? They are seeking justice for the wrongs that have been done to them. A good friend of mine put a post on Facebook a few weeks ago along with an inflammatory video and a caption that said, “I’m praying for justice.” Only, from my perspective, she seemed to be siding with people who were intentionally inflicting great pain on others in the name of(what I considered to be) a very flawed ideology. People often toss the word justice around like its a baseball to be thrown at monsters who prey on the innocent, but when I consider that I am the monster, and someone should claim justice for all the wrongs that I have done, I have a completely different perspective. Then I’m not crying justice at all, but rather, “Have mercy on me!” Because if we all got what we deserved, well… let’s just say it’s not altogether a very pleasant train of thought.

Today I realized I am not better than my jerk neighbor. In fact, I’m worse. And the only consolation I have is to remember the grace that has been extended to me in the person of Jesus Christ. He bore the brunt of my sin on Calvary so that I can write about what an arrogant jerk my neighbor is, and how I can be forgiven for the exact same behavior, and at the same time somehow learn to extend that love to others. It is perplexing and mysterious, and perhaps one of the most beautiful gifts so readily rejected by the mainstream because it seems “exclusive” when in actuality it was always intended to be a fully inclusive gift graciously given to the entire human race. Today I realized once again that without that incredible grace, I am utterly and desperately lost.

Thank you, Jesus.