I took a bite of the muffin. I felt the quickening of my heart and the desire to gobble it up as quickly as possible. Each crumb melted in my mouth even as it stimulated my taste buds. I tried to slow down. I took a drink of hot tea. I waited 10 seconds. Then I inhaled—-and it was gone. The moment the view of my empty plate stared back at me, I felt the compulsion to run to the refrigerator and get another. And another. And another. I paused and considered how best to respond. My shoulders sagged. Today was a good day. I stopped after 2 muffins. But tomorrow? This is my conundrum… There is always tomorrow.
I don’t want to be a compulsive eater. Sometimes I wonder if I will always struggle with food. Even though the vast majority of the time I make healthy choices, the impulse to eat foods like (my absolute favorite) Pantera’s Pizza is always there. I don’t remember the last time I ate Pantera’s Pizza. I only know that sometimes the thoughts of thick, chewy crust come to me as I consider my next meal. Maybe it’s because I have so many good memories of eating it as a child. Or maybe it really is just that good. Either way, there is nothing inherently nutritious about it and so I try to be intentional and not put it into my body.
Now maybe you are reading this and thinking, “But Margaret, you have to live a little! I mean, come on! You should have a cheat day now and again. You can eat Pantera’s Pizza. Just eat one piece.” Queue the sigh and more sagging shoulders. Food is a no win for me. Let me explain why.
When I stare into the halls of my heart, it is not unlike a hall of mirrors one sees in the movies. I look into the infinite number of selves reflected and wonder which one is the real villain. Now maybe you are thinking none of them should be the villain but I know the truth——they are all the villain. Each self-reflection has the capacity to eat uncontrollably if given the option. So when I consider eating a trigger food(like pizza) I gaze down the hall of mirrors and see the first Margaret taking a bite and then the next Margaret taking a bite, and well, you get the idea. Because that is how food addiction feels. There is no satisfaction in eating one piece of pizza. So while it is physically possible to eat one piece and throw the rest away, I also see each Margaret reflected groaning over and over again as she considers how painful that will be. I can’t win.
So often we look at the choice(to eat or not eat) as the only two options. We stare at the menu. We see French fries or salad, and we bite our lip in frustration. Maybe it’s because of the conflicting messages we see daily via advertising. One ad tells us we should indulge(by way of a picture of gooey, chewy pizza) while another advertisement tells us we should all look like Gisele Bundchen. To be quite frank, it makes me want to find an advertising executive and punch him in the gonads. I mean seriously, what a jerk! (but I digress). What we don’t often realize is that there is a third option.
What is the first lesson we learned as children when we ran towards the street? If we had good parents who wanted to protect us, they would shout, “Stop! Look and listen!” I use this same principle when I consider the roller coaster ride of living a healthy lifestyle. I have learned over time to pay attention to how my body responds to certain foods. Whether it be environmental(pesticides), factory added(artificial colors), or highly processed(sugar/high fructose corn syrup) the foods we put into our bodies have a real and sometimes lasting affect us. They affect not only our waistline, but our brains. Did you forget about that little organ at the top of your noggin? You shouldn’t! That little machine controls all of the processes that make your body function the way that it does.
One of the most important things I have learned in my journey to better health is to use my brain via a tried and true measurement; good common sense. I know—–it’s harder for some of us than others (I’m talking about myself here). And I definitely didn’t learn it overnight. My journey began with the simple understanding that my appetite was out of control. Once I decided to learn why my appetite was out of control, everything changed. This was in large part due to the time I invested to search the darkest depths of my heart in order to understand my behaviors. Some people need counseling to help them through this step. That’s not an avenue I have pursued, but I see nothing wrong with that. I talk to God a lot. And I have awesome family and friends. Also, once I had the proper knowledge structure in place, it became imperative for me to act on what I had learned.
Saying no to foods (and bad behaviors) I really want to indulge in is a discipline that I am still learning. Gossip will always be a struggle for me, much the same way wanting to eat a plate of fudge is. The good news is, I have learned that neither are good for me(or anybody else for that matter!). I have learned (through trial and error) that the ingredients in Panteras pizza affect my body adversely, but I have also learned that there are plenty of healthy choices in the world that satisfy my hunger and my taste buds. Therefore I have learned that I don’t need to eat Panteras to feel happy. I have also learned(sometimes with great pain) that my eyes are about 10 times bigger than my stomach. It takes about 10 minutes for my stomach to catch up with my buggy-eyes and therefore, the discipline of putting down my fork is a thoughtful activity. It is not easy. But it is important. And I would like to encourage the reader today—it is a worthwhile activity.
The day I learned I didn’t need food to be happy was the best day of my life. Now, when I am tempted to eat foods that affect my body for ill, I remember what I have learned. Sometimes I indulge. Other times I do not. But I always go into each situation with my eyes wide open.
The next time you look at your body and despair, consider the following:
Why do I feel the way that I do about my body?
Who am I comparing myself to and why?
Then consider you have only one body to inhabit for the rest of your life and ask yourself how that knowledge will change your perspective going forward.
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