Difficulty Should Refine—Not Define Us

“When we are no longer able to change a situation we are challenged to change ourselves.” Viktor E. Frankl

I was recently contemplating the rich and chocolatey brownies placed strategically outside my cubicle at work. I thought about the melty goodness on my tongue and the sugar euphoria that occurs in the minutes after consumption. I considered immediate gratification and long-term consequences. Then I did the only thing I know how to do in such circumstances. I cried out for help.

I have taken this hill before. So why am I fighting this battle again? Have the horrible habits that defined my life pre-weight loss conspired to annihilate me? Has my brain been befuddled by an overdose of holiday cheer? Am I simply longing for relief from the stress of making good choices day in and day out? Or am I inadvertently aiming at psychological self-sabotage?

I know what part of the problem is. Self-indulgence—a popular trait in American culture—is rarely scorned. We celebrate our ability to copiously indulge. Every television commercial promotes this ideology. The ads that pop up on the internet prompt us to put our money where our mouth is. And that’s just food. What about cars, clothes, shoes, and devices? We are told we need more, faster, and better things to make our lives more meaningful. But do they really?

Still, I could rage against corporate greed but that is only a symptom. The real problem is my heart. What do I love? Food. What do I worship? Dessert. What am I helpless to resist? Gluttony.

For many years I sought pleasure in overindulgence, but the more I ate, the more unhappy I became. I was never satisfied because food may satisfy the stomach but it will never satisfy the heart (though the Lord knows how hard I tried…).

So what do we do when we reach the place where we have denied ourselves nothing we desired and find ourselves spiritually, emotionally and physically bankrupt? How do we proceed when every thought is slavery to that thing we don’t know how to live without? How do we respond when the veil is removed and we see our situation for what it really is?

Dear reader, take heart! There is hope. This moment is a gift. Seize it and find life.

Abstinence is an opportunity

Rod Dreher recently wrote a compelling essay that included a personal story about his time spent practicing celibacy before marriage. He chose this path because of his choice to follow the tenants of his Catholic faith. It was a difficult position for him to take–but important–as he clearly articulates.

“It was so clear to me from the very beginning of our courtship that the three years that I lived chastely, out of obedience, had been a period of profound purification and maturation. I did not know what was happening to me when I was in the middle of it. I just trudged onward. But had I not submitted to the teachings of the Church (grounded in Scripture), I am certain that my heart would not have been ready to receive marriage. I would have remained the same immature man-boy, unable to commit to anything, following his inconstant passions. The chastity I lived under was difficult and even painful, but it was spiritual training that I desperately needed.”

When we deny ourselves that thing we “can’t live without”, we find out who we really are. C. S. Lewis wrote in Mere Christianity, “No man knows how bad he is till he has tried very hard to be good. Only those who try to resist temptation know how strong it is.”

Now I am using the brownie as an example because it is a very real temptation for me towards gluttony. But my reader may not struggle with food. Maybe your vice is something easier to hide; like porn, or greed, or lying. That doesn’t mean they are any less toxic to the soul. Why? Because they are sin. And if you think lies aren’t horrible, tell that to the man who has been convicted of a crime he did not commit.

Why is sin important? Because sin separates us from God and He is the only one who can truly satisfy the longings of our soul.

Now maybe you will read that sentence and consider me a fool. Who is this “god” anyway and why does he want to get in the way of me having fun? He doesn’t have any business bossing me around. I’m living a perfectly fine and moral life. I’m not hurting anybody. Heck, I don’t need him ruining everything. Besides, I’m perfectly comfortable with my pretty little vices. My peculiar peccadillos make me happy. Shut up and leave me alone.

That may be your position today, but some day you may feel differently. When you do, come back and read the rest of this blog. You can bookmark it for reference. For the rest of you, keep reading.

I want the longings of my heart satisfied but I’m awfully stubborn. I’m so hard-headed that for years I didn’t care about my sin hurting God. I wanted what I wanted and if he didn’t like it he could go suck an egg. I let callouses grow around my heart so I could no longer discern what was good and right and true. Until one day I woke up and realized all those things I had been chasing brought me nothing but misery. You see, God hates sin, but He loves me. He let me pursue the lesser pleasures–to my detriment. In His kindness he showed me just how horrible sin really is by letting me have as much of it as I wanted. But when I finally chose Him instead of my sin, then the flood gates of joy really opened up

Now, if I want to remain in close communion with him, I must stop whatever sinful behavior I am tempted to commit. Is it difficult? Absolutely! Is He worth it? Yes, he is.

Are you miserable today? Do you feel trapped? Is there something that you can’t quit doing that brings you nothing but dissatisfaction and misery? Are you ready to admit you are powerless against it and ask for help? Good. He is ready and willing to refine you. All you had to do was ask.

Sometimes I am fighting the same battles I fought yesterday but I know the best news ever proclaimed to mankind; I am never fighting them alone, and with his help I will proclaim victory once again.