One of my co-workers has a saying when HR issues arise, “This department is a great place to work, except for the people!” I’ve also heard a similar saying in church, “This church is a great place to worship; the problem is it’s filled with sinners!” When the people around us display the darker side of humanity, it is very easy to sit back in our cozy chair and make mental projections of all the ways we would have done things differently. If we are cowards, we quietly pronounce a verdict from afar without even hearing eye-witness testimony. If we are bold, we look for the opportunity to “catch” that person and coach them on how to fix their mistake; as if we have walked in their shoes, perfected their stride, and have endured their blisters before they became calluses. With all of that said, I remember the old saying, “Before you point your finger, remember there are four pointing back at you!”
I had a nervous breakdown at work on Friday. I won’t bore the reader with the details, but needless to say my anxiety got the better of me. After raging in frustration and then weeping at my desk, I spotted the desserts brought in to recognize our leaders (Boss’s Day). I went over to inspect and sniff (as I usually do – desserts are pretty!) with the intention of silently condemning the gluttons in my department. Alas, I was emotionally unhinged and instead, I became the perpetrator of a snatch and grab.
I won’t lie. I was in such a state that I didn’t even feel guilty. There I was with a napkin full of food, peering around the corner to make sure no one was watching. I crept back to my desk and inhaled. In the end there was nary a crumb to signify my indiscretion. No one ever needed to know what I had done. I was safe.
So that night when I found myself at an impromptu dinner with my family at an all-you-can-eat buffet, I made the decision to abstain from eating, not because I am self-righteous, but because I had consumed my caloric intake for the day and I was worried about my pants fitting (vanity of vanities!). But oh how foolish I was. I should have waited to binge eat! One must understand that I have not been to that type of establishment in many years, so when I say that I was shocked by the sheer volume and variety of food, I’m not exaggerating. Golden Corral, you’ve come a long way, Baby! And lest you judge me, we were there to celebrate a birthday. That is why I allowed my diabetic child to play in the chocolate fountain, consume soft serve ice cream AND sample cotton candy. I know. Epic (healthy) parental fail.
So today, when I found myself in a conversation with a friend about another friend, (where we were bemoaning the personality traits of the absent person and trying to figure out how to deal with them) I found myself experiencing a bit of indigestion. During the conversation I silently wondered why we felt like we needed to discuss strategy when what we really needed to do was just love that person. Granted, loving that person is very challenging, but still, my words at the time weren’t very loving. This is the point where—if I were writing an email—I would insert a frown-ey face.
Still, I reasoned with myself after the conversation was over, obviously I’ve got relationships all figured out. My friend just needs a tutorial. So I began making a mental bullet list of all the things I would tell my friend in order to help her better navigate our social group. I won’t recite that list here because, frankly, it was ugly. When we know someone well we have a front row seat to their flaws. It reminds me of when I see a woman who has neglected her roots. I immediately want to scream, “Did you know your roots are showing?!” As if she doesn’t look in the mirror every day and contemplate a trip to the hairdresser.
What in the world is wrong with me? And then I realized I’m one of those people being discussed in the first paragraph of this blog… I’m the problem in the workplace. I’m the sinner. Tragically, I did all of these mental gymnastics without conscious effort. It just flowed through and out of me like a river of sewage with no dam in place.
Ideas have consequences. Our words matter. If you don’t think so, just watch what happens when Jimmy Fallon does something funny on The Tonight Show. Suddenly the web is alight with videos reporting the event. Conversations are had by the water cooler, “Did you see what Jimmy Fallon did on The Tonight Show last night? Hil-ar-ious! Suddenly Jimmy’s joke has people in the work place repeating sounds and gestures as if they were part of some Fallon-esque troupe. Imagine what our neighborhoods would look like today if people invested as much time in their hurting neighbors as they did on entertainment.
The truth is—nobody likes a hypocrite. It’s one of the key observations of people in the church. They “preach” holiness, but run around belching out sin like when they’ve eaten too much Taco Bell. But we have a nice little saying in the Christian community to cover such blunders, “We’re not perfect, just forgiven.”
Excuse me. I think I just threw up a little in my mouth.
Ugliness is my natural state. I judge people harshly behind their backs. I overeat. I over-exercise. I stand back with self-righteous indignation at all-you-can-eat buffets. I gloat when wicked people “get what they deserve.” Or to paraphrase someone I love, “What goes around comes around.” But what happens when I’m the one who gets what’s coming to me?
It feels trite to say, “Just be careful what you say” or “Treat others the way you want to be treated”. That doesn’t address the heart issue. A wise man once observed, “For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.”
Next time… The Heart Wants what the Heart Wants
