Archive for the The Journey Category

I make it a practice not to complain on my blog, but today I’m chaffed. And since it’s not polite(or wise) to complain about work or co-workers or politics on a public space, I would like to gripe about the drawbacks of living a healthy lifestyle instead. Call it a list of pet peeves or petty grievances… I’m going to give you my top five list of things that really annoy me about maintaining a healthy lifestyle – none of which I have any control over or have the power to change.

Eating healthy is expensive

Let’s be clear, I think losing weight should cost nothing. After all, I’ve plunked down plenty of change for Nestle Caramel Treasures, copious amount of McDonald’s fries and Taco Bell tacos in my lifetime. In fact, I’m certain I’ve bought enough White Castle shakes over the years that—if purchased all at once—I could bathe in them. (I really hope that mental picture turns you off of them forever). But the real reason I think reducing my waistline should be free is because I am a miser. It’s true. My favorite store is The Salvation Army Store. Let’s be clear, if I could purchase groceries there, I would. My husband will die of embarrassment to know I am making this public, but let’s be real—this is who I am and I am not ashamed. Therefore, since I hate to spend money and am fully comfortable wearing used clothes and buying gently used appliances and furniture, it’s fairly safe to say I would rather saw off my arm than pay money to lose weight. So when I started getting healthy, it really irritated me to spend money on fresh fruit and vegetables. Whenever I go into Sam’s Club(I know—fancy, right?) I look at the beautiful grapes and cringe. If you ever run into me there and I am drooling over the Bing cherries because I refuse to pay $11.96 for a tiny box of them, just keep walking. It’s bad enough you have to listen to me complain on my blog. And don’t be obnoxious and post, “Shop at Aldi” in the comments. Apples are still more expensive than the value meal at McDonald’s.

Restaurants do not cater to healthy people

I’m sorry if this offends you. Maybe there are a few exceptions. But for the most part, restaurants in our culture have become panoply’s of hedonism. By that I mean this, rather than nourish our bodies, most eating establishments want to give you an “experience” and that experience usually has nothing to do with good health. Now some of you will argue, “That is the point!” Well I say bah to that. It’s a lie. I think all food should be bland and tasteless because then I wouldn’t love eating so much and maybe I wouldn’t be fighting with my body all the time. So while one side of our culture preaches that we must look “healthy”(have 0% body fat) the other side of our culture says, “Indulge! And while you’re at it, pad our pocket books.” Restaurants really irritate me with all their tasty vittles that make me feel gross after I eat them.

Skinny people who eat candy, never get fat, and torment me with obscene candy dishes

I know this makes me a very wicked person. I know I am supposed to love everyone. And I do love them, but as my mother used to say, “I just don’t like them very much.” That is to say, they annoy me. I know several very pretty(and skinny) girls who keep giant candy dishes on their desks. These dishes are almost always full. These girls know that eating excess amounts of sugar will make them fat and so they just nibble occasionally…and leave the dishes there to torment me. Imagine stocking a bar at your desk and then expecting the resident alcoholics to abstain, or leaving little baggies of illicit drugs lying around and then smiling and waving at the addicts who stare(and secretly connive to rob you)longingly. This is probably the real reason for workplace violence. There is one word that perfectly describes these types of people, ghouls!

The Term “Beach Body”

What exactly does that mean? I know what it implies… I should have zero body fat, strong muscles and no cellulite. But has the person using this turn of phrase ever actually been to a beach? I have, and I would say that 80% of the people I see there do not look like the pictures that generally accompany those two words as used in correlation with getting healthy.

The Vocalized Perceptions of People who Don’t Live a Healthy Lifestyle

I don’t care what other people think, except when they tell me what they are thinking. And then it’s a real problem. I know I’m crazy. I don’t need you to tell me I’m crazy. I already know because my husband tells me all the time. Like when we are eating at a restaurant I didn’t want to go to because it means spending money I don’t want to spend on food I don’t want to eat, and he tells me to stop rambling on about the calories. He always says, “People are staring.” I say, “Who cares? As long as they don’t say anything to me, I’m fine.” At which time he either grimaces or sinks lower in the booth. We are not allowed to sit at tables with chairs. He can’t hide behind a chair. But I digress… I like vegetables. If cooked or marinated(with lots of low-calorie dressing) they are very tasty. I don’t eat things that taste like cardboard because I like to eat a lot. I do not “eat like a bird.” Birds eat stale bread and bugs. I don’t eat bugs (at least not intentionally). And while my family thinks I torture them with healthy food(whole wheat bread, brown rice, gallons of broccoli) no one else is allowed to critique what we eat. Keep it to yourself. I prefer my delusions to your perceptions of my reality.

So there it is! My epic rant. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it(even though you should probably take it with a grain of salt). Still, it feels like life is too short to not vent every now and again. In this instance, venting means laughing and letting go of all the ridiculous things I can’t control and just have to deal with. So if we are eating out at a restaurant, don’t give me a hard time for eating vegetables and I won’t give you a hard time while you eat a big greasy hamburger. Don’t ever tell me you are trying to obtain a beach body and never, EVER taunt me with candy from your candy dish. Because I will most likely take the candy you offer, gobble it in secret, and then quietly hate your ever living guts behind your back all the while conspiring over how to come back and take more when nobody is looking.

I feel better now. How about you?

Last night I watched a documentary on PBS. Actually, it was more like a horror movie and I was the unsuspecting victim. I saw myself walking down the aisles of my local drug store perusing my favorite aisle–the supplement corridor of good health–when suddenly a giant monster jumped out from in between the shelves, bonked me on the head, and gave me a brain aneurysm. Or even better, a slow wasting cancer. And then I paid him handsomely for my trouble and quietly walked away. That’s what I felt like while watching the show. Okay, so maybe I’m naive, but this was all news to me. So let’s get this straight… I can’t trust politicians, or food labels, or news anchors, or non-organic food. I can’t trust weather men/women, or big banks, or antibiotics or chocolate. And now I’m not even safe in the supplement aisle. For the love of humanity, I doomed! What’s left? People? As one of my favorite Australian reality TV celebrities used to say, “Crikey!” You can’t trust them either! Ugh!

So I slept in late and skipped my workout. Because, seriously, why bother? I’ve spent a small fortune on vitamins A through zinc, glucosamine(for achy joints), St. John’s Wort for depression and, well, the list is pretty long so I’ll just stop there. And now I learn that most of the supplements on the market don’t actually have the ingredients in them that the label says they have. They are, in fact, unregulated. I must be the pharmaceutical companies most gullible victim! Of course it could be worse. A friend of mine recently told me about this guy, which leads me to ask the question, who isn’t chasing the almighty dollar?

Some people chase money. Some people chase power. I like to chase beauty. I mean, why not? Pretty people are popular, and who doesn’t want to be attractive? But let’s be honest, being pretty in and of itself is not satisfying either. Sure, the media and various companies who want you to buy their products will tell you that it is, but if that is really true, explain to me why beautiful people are so unhappy. I know you’ve met them, the Omarosa’s of the world. They look nice, but deep down they are just a villain waiting to pounce on your happiness and twist you up with their manipulative schemes. So what’s left when pretty isn’t enough? That is the question I was asking myself today. Why am I trying to live a healthy lifestyle when it feels like I not only can’t trust anyone or anything, but I can’t even trust myself?

I don’t necessarily equate “healthy” with carrots and other assorted “rabbit food”, even though I did eat salad for lunch and cooked carrots for dinner. I ate them because I like them and I feel really good after ingesting them. I have learned that healthy can not only taste great, but have fewer calories and provide all the nutrition my body needs. And since I’ve learned that supplements are produced by companies dead set on trying to swindle me out of my money, why not go straight to the source? This was my lunch today:

Margaret’s Tasty Vegetable Viddles (Salad)
Spinach leaves
Romaine lettuce
Tomatoes
Onions
Grilled Chicken
Blue Cheese
Raspberry Vinagrette Dressing (only 30 calories per 2 tablespoons)

I threw it all in a bowl and tossed it together and wallah! Yum–ee! I don’t feel like I’m on a diet. In fact, I just feel happy. So if I’m wondering what healthy looks like, this is it!

Healthy also looks like this… My morning at work was very busy. About 10:00am I began to feel guilty for skipping that workout. I knew I needed to make a trip to the 10th floor of my building and that the elevator was the fastest route. But rather than hop on, I decided to see if I could take the stairs(from floor 3). In case you were wondering, that’s 140 steps. And I did it. And it wasn’t easy, but it wasn’t impossible. In fact, it felt pretty healthy. And if I’m really being honest, it was totally awesome when I reached the top step and I didn’t die.

And lastly, healthy also looks like this. Why is do we think chubby babies and puppies are adorable but chubby grown ups are not? It simply doesn’t make sense. Who decides that skinny people are more attractive than not-so-skinny people? If you ask me, I think it’s some crazy marketing mogul pursuing the almighty dollar.

So now that I’ve said all that, I feel really good about myself and you should too. Haven’t reached your goal weight? Don’t fret. Keep working at it. Keep making one healthy choice at a time. Eventually you will get there. And then you will gain some weight back(like me) and then you will lose it again. The point should never be about what you weigh anyway. Living a healthy lifestyle begins and ends with a positive attitude.

Sometimes I have a really hard time fighting the voices in my head. The voices that tell me I’ve failed because I’ve gained weight and am struggling to restrain my food intake. The voices that screech that I can’t exercise hard enough or long enough to burn enough calories to lose the weight again, so I may as well just give up and eat some cookies. The voices that pound at me that I’m less of a person or not good enough and I should just give up. Maybe it’s winter and I’m cold and tired, but this relentless onslaught is wearing on me. So I thought I would share with my readers what I am doing to combat these insidious voices in the hopes that you will be encouraged and inspired not to give up with me.

The voices are liars. My self-worth is not dependent on the shape of my body. This morning I picked up a Wall Street Journal magazine I brought home from work. It depicts Karlie Kloss in various poses with real rocket ships(though one hardly notices the ships). I noticed how thin and frail she looks, and how our culture has obviously decided this is the physical standard for which all women should adhere to. I just have one question….why? If the goal is to be attractive to the opposite sex and induce lust, how does that contribute to women as human beings instead of objects of gratification? If it is an encouragement for women to look like that, I don’t want that. I think she looks silly. And I’m not saying that because I’m jealous of her body type. I’m saying that because I don’t want to walk around starving all the time just so I can be attractive to the opposite sex. I am more than that.

The voices are liars. My self-worth is not dependent on the state of my mental faculties. Sometimes I’m sad for no reason. I can’t process information. I can’t even formulate a proper response when people speak to me. Maybe I’m tired. Maybe I’m stressed out. Am I less of a person because I can’t contribute to the conversation at any given moment? Maybe I let someone gossip and didn’t correct them. Or maybe I stared at my computer too long instead of producing the desired amount of work. I must remember my body is fragile and needs to rest. I cannot push and push all the time. I need to forgive myself. I’m always telling my children to be kind. Today I am telling me to be kind….to myself.

The voices are liars. My self-worth is not dependent on success or failure. I need to quit thinking I’m a loser just because I’ve put on a few pounds. It doesn’t mean I’ve failed the war. For that matter, what am I really fighting for? I want to be healthy. I want to feel good and do the physical things I love like exploring nature and climbing a hill without feeling like I’m going to have a heart attack. At this point in my life I am able to control this with diet and exercise. Some people cannot. I should be grateful I can still fight. So am I really losing? Heck no. I’m winning by a landslide!

The voices are liars. My self-worth is not dependent on my feelings at any given moment. I can’t trust my feelings. This is why good friends and my family are so important. I need them to speak into my life at my low moments and remind me that I am loved–regardless of anything else. Because real friends love me regardless of how much I weigh, and they love me even if my hair is grody and I stink, or if I’m sick. Feelings are transient. They are an important part of my anatomy, but they are not the most important thing, and they are definitely not to be trusted when I don’t feel good.

Yesterday I was feeling very low. I didn’t want to exercise. I wanted to rest. So I didn’t. And then in the afternoon I felt like exploring, so I took my best little guy, my buddy Tank, and we went to Cuivre River State Park and hiked along Big Sugar Creek. It was cold and it was muddy. And we had so much fun, even though we only lasted about 2 hours. We listened to Slugs and Bugs on the drive home and laughed about eating beans. And then we cuddled. The sunlight helped, and so did the fresh air. I’ll admit, I am SO over winter right now.

This morning arrived and I felt no better. I realized I needed to make a decision. I could either stay in bed and start eating cookies, or vegetate on the couch with the news(all of which will only make my mood worse), OR I could try to exercise and put myself in the right mental state. I knew I might not get there, but I had to at least try. So I pulled out the yoga mat and did strength training. And then for fun I did some step aerobics. And then, I ate a yummy salad with avocado, tomatoes, onions and cheese instead of the grilled cheese I really wanted. And then I put bread with peanut butter out for the birds and watched my favorite wren nibble on it. And honestly, I don’t physically feel that much better, but mentally I feel fantastic. Because sometimes trying means winning, and it is the single most important thing we can do.

Living a healthy lifestyle is not for the faint of heart. It is a discipline that must be practiced ESPECIALLY when I don’t feel like it and ESPECIALLY when the voices in my head won’t stop badgering me. Today if you are reading this and you feel helpless and hopeless, listen to these words…

Your life has meaning and value.

You are not alone in your struggles.

Do not, under any circumstances, quit.

Success and failure are not gauged by the scale or by what other people think of you.

Every life has value. From the person who cannot rise from their hospital bed to the obese person who struggles to climb the stairs(that was me!). And that is a good reminder to myself today. I can still rise of my own accord. And I have a lot of people who love me. I am blessed beyond measure. But even if those two things were not true of my life, I would still have value. Because the greatest truth I know is that God loves me and cares about me. And that is a precious truth indeed.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Jesus (Matthew 11:28-30)