Archive for the The Journey Category

I don’t mean to be obnoxious. I just want to put that out there. And I know how it feels when I’m in a bad mood and a happy, peppy person jumps in my face. It is seriously annoying. So I realize “Happy Monday” sounds like an oxymoron. Except that it’s not. I’ll explain why.

Mondays are not actual happy days for me. It is the first day of the work week and I usually have many tasks that must be accomplished before 10:00am. No, I do not usually wake up on Monday mornings with a “can-do” attitude. This morning I sulked under the covers for 45 minutes and effectively skipped my work-out. Yeah. It was that kind of day. And my dog is sick. And she wouldn’t take her medicine. And my kid has a sore throat and wouldn’t stop whining about it. And I had a headache that carried over from yesterday. And the list goes on and on. In general, Mondays are icky. Everybody knows that.

But this Monday morning was particularly grody. Without going into specifics, I was very troubled by some news I received. I was angry. I was sad. And truthfully, I wanted to poke someone in the eye. But, as life often dictates, the person I was upset with was not readily available for an eyeball contusion from my grubby digit. Even worse, I’m not sure they really deserved it.

The thing is, I knew my heart attitude was wrong. And as much as I wanted to justify my frustration and anger, I knew my reaction had more to do with my history than the actual situation at hand. So I began to wrestle with my response. Would I hold it all inside and fester? Would I put it out of my mind and save my anger for the next time I came into contact with the situation that was upsetting me? To be honest, the sadness and anger felt like an anchor around my neck. The more I clung to them, the more I felt myself slipping deeper into an emotional quagmire. I also knew that if I went to work with that attitude, wearing it like some kind of shimmering garland, I was going to have a very, very bad day. I also knew (from past experience) that wearing my pissy attitude like a badge of honor is infectious. I’m not really very good at hiding my emotions, so I faced an entire day of soaking in my sulk and taking time out to complain to my friends about the crappy event that is happening in my life. Because if it’s not bad enough that I have to suffer, every person I come into contact with should suffer as well, right?
As I looked carefully at my hurting heart, I saw it for what it really was; ugly. But will-power alone wasn’t going to solve the problem my dark attitude was breeding. So I did the only thing I know how to do in such moments of despair. I prayed. I prayed that God would take the burden of the pain away. I set my eyes on the love of my life and simply said, “Forgive my wicked attitude. Help me to move forward. You know the problem set before me better than I do. You know my history and all the things I can’t change about myself that make it difficult for me to let go and not fester.” Then I set my mind forward, and decided not to dwell on the issue that was out of my control. And I went to work.

Proverbs 4:23 “Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.”

I was standing in the break room when a co-worker approached for a cup of coffee. I greeted him with a peppy, “Happy Monday!” And he scowled. “What’s so happy about it?” And I said, “It’s a brand new opportunity to do something wonderful.” And he looked at me quizzically, as if he was wondering whether I was for real or totally bonkers. So I added, “Seriously, we can either complain or we can speak happiness into our day. Our words can affect our attitude. Today I choose to be happy.” He smiled a little and said, “You know, you’re right.”

Proverbs 21:23 “He who guards his mouth and his tongue, Guards his soul from troubles”

It’s not always so easy for me to give my problems up. In fact, it’s my natural tendency with hurt to hold onto it and let it turn cancerous. But today I chose to pray about it instead and give Jesus the chance to heal it. Some people walk around with cavernous wounds and pretend to be okay. Others grimace, grown and complain. Today I chose to address the problem at its root. And God gave me this supernatural peace that enabled me to have a really great day. And for that I am just really, really thankful.

Proverbs 29:11 “A fool always loses his temper, But a wise man holds it back.”

A few years ago I was going through a really tough time and I memorized a piece of scripture that helped me break the negative cycle of emotions. Every time I would go to that dark place I would say this verse:
Psalm 73:26 “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” My faith is very simple. I love God and I trust Him. It’s often messy and so far from perfect, but it’s not unlike many of my other relationships. He loves me in spite of myself. And you know what? Just knowing that makes every day happy, even if it is a Monday.

We set out on an adventure today. The sun was shining. The sky was extra blue. So there really was no excuse to sit in the house and stare at social media. We hopped in the truck and found a place to explore. It wasn’t my first choice, but Tank was happy and that’s all that really matters. He’s a gadfly when he sees us preparing for an outing so there really was no leaving him at home(as if we would even think of perpetrating such an atrocity).

When we pulled up to the park we discovered everyone else in St. Louis had the same idea. So it took a minute to find a spot where someone wasn’t fishing, or staring at me like I’m strange because I like to take pictures of my dog. We hiked around the lake and then found a creek bed to explore. We found fossils and cool rocks and generally had a pretty awesome day off work.

Minnows and frogs bones and mud, oh my![/caption]The great thing about exploring somewhere you haven’t been before is the thrill of getting a little lost, but not so lost that you can’t find your way back. We were successful in that we got just muddy enough to prove we had fun but not so muddy that we couldn’t clean our shoes off on the doormat. And we got sticker bush-whacked which proves we went “off-road”. The only thing I don’t love about hiking in the winter is that there are no critters to catch. No turtles, snakes, lizards or frogs. I did find a pool of water in the creek with big minnows in it, and so I had fun watching them whip around the only suitable hiding space–a big rock.

The best thing about hiking in the winter is there are no bugs and you don’t get sweaty. There are no leaves on the trees so you can see the sky better, and you have more opportunities to catch a glimpse of those birds that generally hide when there is more foliage. We saw lots of fresh deer tracks and we didn’t have to worry about poison ivy.

These kinds of days make me glad I worked so hard to lose the weight. I never got out of breath. I didn’t struggle to climb into or out of the creek bed. And I was able to climb through the metal tunnel that ran under the road without getting stuck inside(always a plus!).

I suppose I’m a little sad that today is over. Saturdays are fun. But I’ll bet I can find a new adventure tomorrow.