Archive for the The Journey Category

Sometimes you want ice cream and life gives you sour milk. Such is the case with my son, a marine stationed in a hot and dry climate. Today, it rained. Rain can be an inconvenience for people in moderate climates like Missouri, but if you live in a hot and dry climate where it rains only occasionally(and people generally freak out about wet stuff falling from the sky) rain can be a little discomforting. My son told me that initially it was nice and “felt like home”. At least until his platoon leader said, “Time to PT!” That’s physical training for all y’all non-military types. Mud + pushups = misery.

In a similar vein, a friend of mine called me today and told me about an uncomfortable situation at her place of employment. I could hear the tears in her voice as she expressed to me how some people in the workplace were making fun of her. There are few things in life I dislike more than a bully. She told me how she longs to escape the cruel comments of the people who work around her. And what do you do when your co-workers make your life a living hell every single day of your life but you need your job? Even worse, their supervisor condones the behavior. While I was listening to her, I felt the claws come out. Because I heard her tears and I wanted to defend her. Partly because I know exactly how that feels, but mostly because I love her.

Sometimes life is just hard and there is no easy escape. We are forced to walk through it. Injustice is real. Heartache runs deep. Fat won’t melt no matter how many crunches you do. So we sit there staring at the pouch on our belly and consider Roo(of Winnie the Pooh fame). Seriously, my pouch is big enough for Roo. Only my name isn’t Kanga and there isn’t a cute and cuddly baby in there. What a bummer.

When I get into that kind of funk I consider my options and well, seriously, sometimes chocolate just isn’t strong enough to numb the pain.

So what did I tell my son to help him get through the muddy days? I told him the most practical thing I could think of: he must maintain his sense of humor. I know. It’s probably not the cool mom thing to say, but I told him while he was doing pushups he should sing The Worm Song. Marines like to chant cadence while they PT and march, and so it seemed appropriate. And I really hope that one of these days I open Facebook and see a platoon of Marines singing The Worm Song.

But that seems pretty tame to what my friend is going through. Because I was a bullied child. And I remember the hateful words used against me. I remember being excluded from activities. I remember crying myself to sleep at night and dreading having to go to school. I often wish I could go back in time and punch a lot of ornery kids in the nose. But the thing that I have learned as an adult is that bullies are actually very insecure. They say and do mean things because they aren’t comfortable in their own skin. They pick on others to make themselves feel better. And it occurred to me that the only way a bully has power over a person is if that person gives the bully the power. So how does one take it back?

Courage looks good in the movies but it’s frequently difficult to live out in real life. It means believing in yourself enough to not back down when you most want to. Courage is mustering the mindset to not be defined by what other people think of you. Because what other people think really has no bearing at all on who you are. People might make fun of the clothes you wear, or your hairstyle, or your lack of hair, but there is a way to fight back. You can learn to love them right where they are.

So Margaret, are you telling me I don’t get to punch anyone in the nose?

That’s right. This blog does not condone assault and battery.

Now, I’m not saying you should be a doormat, but love begins with recognizing the great holes so many people carry around in their hearts. And once you see people as they really are–frequently sad and more than a little lost–you may find within yourself the means to feel compassion for their tired estate. And I think that’s where love starts to grow.

I have another friend at work who is one of the most brave and beautiful people I know. Her name is Donna and she is awesome. The has the best fashion sense. She has perfect hair. And she’s kind. She truly has a gentle soul. I have found in her a kindred spirit. I recognized this the other day when we were eating lunch and she pulled out a Hello Kitty sandwich container. She had placed her food in there and I thought it was totally cool and wonderfully brilliant. Donna has this independent spirit no one can break. She always puts other people before herself. She is a rock star of a mother to her children. She’s a totally cool grandma. And she is my dear friend! How lucky am I? Come to think of it, I need to introduce Donna to the friend I wrote of earlier. Because Donna has a lot to teach the world about strength and grace.

I was preparing my salad today when one of the gentlemen I work with commented on my cheese. Now you must understand that I love cheese. Cheese makes me very happy. I like muenster cheese best, but blue cheese is a close second, and I always put blue cheese on my salad. Now some people think blue cheese is weird because it has mold in it. I’m not one of those people, but I understand not everyone has the same appreciation for mold that I do(especially my husband). So as I was sprinkling the glorious green-speckled delectable dairy product onto my lettuce, I noticed that little wriggle of my co-worker’s nose as he asked me what kind of cheese I was using. And I knew what he was thinking by that peculiar purse of his lips; he thought I was a little grody. And do you know what? I didn’t care. In fact, I launched into a nice little diatribe about how cheese makes the world a better place. I waxed eloquent about cheese for several minutes while he stared at me with this confused look, as if I were perched atop a unicycle and juggling puppies. Finally he just kind of wandered off while I finished my sermon to the refrigerator. Because I was happy, and because not caring what other people think about my weirdness is absolutely the most free feeling in the world.

So here is the crux of what I’m saying, pain is a part of the human experience. Whether it be physical pain or emotional pain, we all deal with discomfort in some capacity. Sometimes it’s a platoon leader who feels it’s necessary to teach us how to exercise in the mud. Other times a person tries to steal our joy by sucking us into their black hole of misery. Here’s what I say to both situations: When life gives you sour milk, make cheese! Because cheese is awesome. Cheese is always the best response. Be the patron saint of cheese.

“Thy compassions, they fail not.” – Thomas Obediah Chisholm

The phone rang out in the night, a shrill call at 2:18am that had me instantly worrying about my children. No one calls in the middle of the night unless it is an emergency. So I jumped out of bed. I stumbled around, thumping my toes on mysterious objects, as I reached out into the darkness for the loud ringing noise. My husband found it before me. I listened in the darkness. He finally spoke.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” He said. “Wrong number.” And all I could do was stand there; feeling like someone who has belly flopped onto the ground and is waiting for the oxygen to return to my lungs.

I climbed back under the covers and eventually I must have dwindled back to sleep because I woke again at 4:58am with that dread that comes with not getting enough sleep. The day stretched out before me like a tightrope I was not prepared to walk. And I have to be candid, the first few steps were quite a doozy.

I have been ill all week. I cover my illness to the best of my ability and try not to complain, but the weakness has settled deep into my bones. I try and will it away, but my body doesn’t cooperate. I have taken hot baths with lemon and Epsom salt to kill harmful bacteria. I have taken medications to stop my sinuses from exploding. I have even tried rubbing homeopathic remedies on my feet! (I still feel weird about that). But I am no better than I was on Monday. Sometimes we do everything we can to alleviate our sickness and still, healing does not come.

Some Christians will say that I’m failing. They might say my faith is not big enough. Or maybe I have hidden sin. Some might even get tired of reading this and “change the channel.” After all, sadness and sickness are unpleasant to be around. Walk into a crowd and start coughing and see how people react. I would bet no one comes close to pat your back or offer a comforting touch. We are all so afraid of being infected.

This morning, as I struggled through my morning routine with intense physical pain and nausea, I felt a mystical joy well up inside of me along with a snippet of a hymn. I probably sang “Great is They Faithfulness” about a thousand times growing up, but it has taken on new meaning to me as an adult. Today God told me very sweetly that his compassions will never fail me. Even in weakness. Even in pain. Even in depression. He is with me. He brought the big broom and swept away any thoughts of failing or not doing life the right way. It was as if he touched my arm while I was coughing and said, “Peace. I am here. I will never leave you.”

There are people who will tell me following Jesus is crazy. They will say he is too narrow. Or maybe they will even say he restricts me from living life to the fullest. To them I would say this; He is the giver of great peace in the midst of life’s most turbulent storms. My weakness reminds me that I can never be enough in my own strength. And just like Peter, that apostle of old, who stepped out onto the waves and began to sink, Jesus takes my hand and saves me from the waves. May everyone reading this today know that kind of reassurance.

Misery is an all too common experience for humans. If we can experience pleasure, we can experience pain. Sometimes those sensations are even coexistent, as with the pulse of the beating heart of an addict. Sometimes it happens that the very thing we crave the most, and that gives us some relief from living in this broken world, is the very thing that causes the most pain. When we live in such a dreadful place, we feel the walls closing in—the trapdoor has slammed shut—and all we can do is scream, “Help! Somebody help me!”

Even worse are the charlatans who promise hope and deliver empty husks. They take our money, our time, and our sense of dignity, while they laugh—usually all the way to the bank.

I remember what it was like to look into my closet and realize nothing fit. The dryer shrank my clothes again and I would have to go shopping. I remember feeling like there were hands wrapped around my throat, squeezing. I didn’t enjoy shopping. I didn’t want to buy bigger clothes. Shopping made me sad and I honestly didn’t know what to do to stop the madness. So I went to The Supplement Superstore and bought 2 bottles of pills. These pills promised to stop my appetite and help me burn fat. And they weren’t cheap. A week later it was obvious that the pills didn’t work. Also, they made me feel jittery. So I quit taking them—even though they were expensive and I didn’t want to lose my investment(about $200). Even worse, I started to get terrible headaches and realized they only went away when I took more pills. I was furious. I stared at the white, black and red bottles. I thought about the man who sold them to me. “Why? Why did he lie to me?”

Obesity is a curse. I am cursed. I inhabit a body that finds great pleasure in eating but is extremely efficient. I live in a society that constantly flashes images of tasty food at me and tells me I should indulge. They lie too. But it took me a really long time to see it. Once I did, I got just as angry as I did at the supplement man. Because when I realized that some people live only to take advantage of my weaknesses for the sole reason of lining their pockets, I wanted to fight back. The problem was I didn’t know how.

Recently a friend showed me a bar he has been eating to “curb his appetite.” It’s green and looks like a well-formed turd. I’m not kidding. Even worse, when I looked at the packaging, I see it has 190 calories in it—almost as much as a candy bar. The packaging claims that the ingredients slow down digestion and therefore make the consumer hungry less frequently. My friend is not losing weight. He is frustrated. I am too. I want to tell him, “Why don’t you just eat some fruit or vegetables? Add some peanut butter. That will slow down digestion.” But he won’t listen. He believes the box over me. And that, my friends, is the power of marketing. The truth is, sometimes we are drowning and even though someone throws us a life raft, we push it away. We refuse it because it’s not shiny and new. We refuse it because we like our lake. We refuse it because we are flailing in our agonies and think it can’t really save us. So we breathe in the water and we sink.

Are you sinking today? Would you like a real life preserver? Here’s my attempt to throw one your way.

You must cut sugar out of your diet

I know it sucks. But sugar is not your friend(even if you think it is). And since most processed food has refined white sugar or corn syrup in it, the very best thing you can do is eat whole foods. “OMG!” You say. “I can’t do it!” Yes you can. And if you want to stop drowning, you must. It’s one of the very first things they will tell you in OA(Overeater’s Anonymous). No sugar.

Water is your best friend. Drink it. Lots of it

When you wake up in the morning, drink a big glass of water before you even think about eating. Instead of reaching for that mid-morning snack, drink a glass of water instead. “But water is gross!” you say. “Water is not only ugly, it’s stupid too!” (my youngest child tells me this all the time). Okay. I get it. You think water is stupid. Your body does not. Your body wants water and lots of it. Many times your body says, “I am hungry. Feed me, Seymour!” when what it really wants is water. Which leads me to my next point…

Unless your stomach is growling, you are not hungry

I have a phobia about hunger. I do not like it. Not one bit. But hunger has been a friend to me. Hunger reminds me I am burning fat. If you want to lose weight, you must manage your hunger. Only you know your body. So don’t listen to whoever says, “eat small meals every two hours” or “Only eat 1000 calories per day.” Listen to me. You must learn to hear what your body is saying. You must get to know it so that you can tame its passions. That is part of the journey. I know I am hungry when my belly gurgles or hurts. Only then am I allowed to eat. And even then I eat smaller portions.

Have Fun with Food

Get excited about your journey. Plan. Prepare. Look up healthy recipes. Try foods you’ve never tried before. I remember going to a fancy grocery store and picking up exotic fruits for dessert. I tried vegetables I hadn’t tried before. I looked up recipes to cook them. I love food. I didn’t want to sacrifice flavor for what little I could eat. And then I realized the world was my oyster! I learned about cumin, paprika, lime(for marinades) thyme, etc. Suddenly the healthy foods I was making were actually quite tasty. Vegetables like sweet potatoes and carrots took the place of French fries. Lean meats replaced greasy burgers. Yogurt and fruit replaced cereal. I was full, satisfied and felt better physically. Win/win!

Move

If you have been sedentary for a long time it will be hard to move. Move anyway. I once read about a woman who was chair-bound because of her weight. She would flap her arms and rock out to music from her chair until she lost enough to walk. Find something that is relatively fun and that you can stick with. I never liked gyms, but I loved the outdoors. Walking was a fun way to make myself sweat and see the earth and sky. I started with 15 minute walks and then walked longer as I got stronger. That is how I lose the first 100 pounds; eating less and moving more. If you have the capacity to move, you are better off than some who can’t. Don’t waste what you have. Move!

Set your mind like flint

Make a decision and stick to it. Don’t fudge. Don’t take “cheat” days. Don’t make excuses. If you can’t exercise one day, you’ll need to eat fewer calories. If you eat a batch of chocolate chip cookie dough in a weak moment…throw what you haven’t eaten away(I promise—it’s okay to throw food away. Better the trashcan is fat than you). Distance yourself from people who say, “You have worked so hard—treat yourself!” Treating yourself is how you got stuck in the trap. Remember that you want out of the trap more than anything in the whole wide world. When cravings come, remember the lies. When scale disappointment happens, move forward. If you give up, you fall back into the trap. Living a healthy lifestyle is a mindset not a fad diet.

Educate Yourself

I love to learn. Reading books is one way I do that. I go to the library. (I’m a cheapskate). I learned a lot about sugar addiction from books. I also learned my taste buds changed when I stopped eating it. That was so cool! I never knew milk was sweet. Google is a fantastic tool. Use it. Jeannette Fulda helped me a lot with her book, “Half-Assed”. She told me losing weight was possible. Knowing I could do it was ¾ of the battle.

Find a Buddy

My buddy Becky helped when I couldn’t help myself. She spoke truth when all I heard was lies(my own and others). She loved me and wanted to help me. She bore with me patiently. I can never ever repay her because I couldn’t have done it without her support.

I’ll stop there for now. There is your life raft. I hope you grab hold of it. It may not seem like it now, but you can dare to hope. Hope and see what happens. Sometimes we must see the water around us for what it is and realize we are tired of drowning.