Archive for the The Journey Category

Inoculation at any cost?

So how do we inoculate against the deep hunger of our souls?

Inoculation presupposes we have a disease we are trying to build an immunity towards.

Which begs the question…is soul hunger a disease?

When I think about physical hunger and the sensations it produces, I wish there was a permanent cure. I wish this because hunger has become to me a curse of sorts. The reason for this is my abuse of the mechanism by which my body is nourished. The physical symptoms of hunger include shakiness, dizziness, pain in the stomach, lethargy, and foggy brain. Physical hunger by itself is not a bad thing. Hunger is a road sign that tells us how to refuel. If hunger persists too long, however, it is fatal.

What are the symptoms of soul hunger? And is it as deadly?

Symptoms could include, dissatisfaction with one’s place in life, a longing to be someone else, stress, anxiety, a longing for something intangible, an “itch” one can’t scratch, or a longing for meaning and purpose. These symptoms manifest in myriads of dark ways: depression, suicide, addiction, envy, job hopping, theft, gambling, etc. While some of us resist the darker impulses and simmer quietly with unnamed dissatisfactions, the deeper problem—need I say disease—remains. We cry out for immunity with impunity. (or is that just me?)

What is the inoculation for the hungers of soul?

Mindfulness?

A friend stopped me in the cafeteria at work to tell me she was finding peace via mindfulness through meditation. She spends 10 minutes each morning quieting her mind and then repeating positive affirmations. This helps her to be more intentional every day. This idea of “mindfulness” is gaining traction in American culture but is not new. It stems from Buddhist teaching. Is Buddhism an effective form of inoculation?

Consumerism?

If my Facebook feed is any indication of the preoccupation of our culture with acquiring goods, the philosophy of consumerism is prospering. We want bigger and shinier stuff, more extravagant vacations, and to live in better zip codes. If we can’t afford these things, we get a credit card. If our credit cards get cancelled, we steal from our neighbor. And while most of us won’t admit we have a stealing problem, everybody has things stolen from them. That is why we lock the doors of our houses when we leave. Consumerism is based on the idea that the acquisition of things will make us happy. Is consumerism an effective inoculation?

Escapism?

Why bother about the disease when you can simply pretend it doesn’t exist? Movies and television provide the perfect means of distracting us from our sickness. But they aren’t the only modes of fantasy. There are more methods of escapism than I can list but here are a few: personal athleticism, sports, war reenactment, and fashion obsession. Basically, anything that distracts one from reality. Will escapism inoculate me?

Religion

Religion purports to give us a set of rules to keep that make us “good”. These rules include the “Golden Rule”, the ten commandments, or a creed or set of words to recite. I feel like I’m overgeneralizing here, but the main idea of this type of religion is that if one does good things as deemed by their sect of choice, they can earn their way into God’s favor and—by default—Heaven. This works-based philosophy encourages adherents to be as good as they possibly can be, so they tip the scales in their favor and make God or a set of gods happy. Is religion an effective inoculation?

Conclusion

All of these approaches to soul hunger are dependent on the self. The self looks within the self for hope. That doesn’t feel very safe to me. It doesn’t feel good because when I look inside myself, no matter how much I try to be good or try to clear my mind, I know I am still rotten and wretched at hungry at heart. I may pretend otherwise but I know the truth.

Obviously, I am not a philosopher. I am a mere layman who is trying to point out that soul hunger does indeed exist and cannot be fixed by looking inside me. I also believe this is a disease we are all trying to find strategies to deal with or overcome.

Truth

I would like to propose Truth as the inoculation we seek. Why is truth important? Because lies are abominable.

What person would marry someone knowing that person was lying about their intention to be a faithful spouse?

What bank would give us a loan if they knew we had no intention of paying it back?

What company would hire us to work for them if they knew we only intended to loaf around?

What contractor would we hire who has a history of defrauding his clients?

Truth matters.

And not just the truth we want to believe, but objective truth.

Because while truth is generally free, pursuing it comes with a cost. Opposition to truth abounds.

So the real question becomes, Am I willing to pursue inoculation at any cost?

Which inevitably leads me back to the beginning. How hungry is my soul?

I am very hungry. The fact is, I am starving to death.

Next time… The truth that sets me free from Soul Hunger

The grackles are fighting over the suet again. They grapple and chatter with a ferocious clamor. There is nothing polite about their greed. Will one wait while another takes a bite? No. They would rather stab each other with their sharp beaks than patiently wait. So they screech and banter, until they break the feeder. Again.

I’ve gotten used to putting things broken things back together but that doesn’t mean I like it. I suppose my aversion to brokenness as a concept drives me to buy things that are more durable. Some years ago I bought a Saddleback leather bag simply for the reason that it had a lifetime warranty. The company promised to fix the bag for free should anything break on it. And they were true to their word. When a piece of metal hardware broke, I shipped it back–at their expense–and they replaced it and mailed it back with sincere apologies. That kind of customer service is rare these days and I cherish it.

A bag is one thing. A car is another. I place entirely too much security on my means of transportation. Maybe this is because my vehicle is one facet of my identity. While some people revel in the newness or the coolness of their machine-on-wheels, I am rather proud of the antiquity of mine. And by antiquity I mean–it ain’t new and it ain’t cool. I drive a 2002 Chevy Malibu. Or, as a friend at work referred to it, a Barbie car. The reason I love it is because it is cheap and reliable. But when it wobbles, or gives off strange odors, or ticks like a clock, I get nervous.

This exposes my vulnerability–my dependency on it. For some reason, when there is a strange smell I jump to the “logical conclusion” that my car is getting ready to explode. My husband tries to reason with me that this will surely not happen, but I’ve seen enough television to know that when a strange smell emits, and when oil starts to leak out of the bottom of the car–fire and a great big boom are only a few seconds away.

Broken things and hunger feel synonymous to me. I disdain the broken-nature of the world we live in and I am frustrated that no matter how much I eat, I get hungry again.

I read an article recently that said there is no such thing as “food addiction”. The psychological dependence on food as a source of comfort would be better described as “disordered eating”. If that is the case, I am the Picasso of hunger. Even if I fill up for a moment, I only want more. Where is my “warranty” against hunger?

But let’s be honest, sometimes I steady myself with a giant plate of green beans and say, “I can eat this until I’m full and then I will be satisfied.” It never happens. Food does not satisfy me. Maybe this is the particular curse I will endure forever; to be physically hungry and to never be filled. I am like the grackle’s fighting over a morsel of food with an insatiable greed.

Where is my hope?

The ten year anniversary of my decision to live a healthy lifestyle looms (May 10th). I have largely maintained my 140 pound weight loss with diet and exercise. It still feels like a miracle. I have pursued healthy habits, built in safety mechanisms, and learned how to exercise to burn off excess calories. But the hunger remains. Maybe the most important thing I have learned is: hunger is necessary to stave off excess fat. But I hate it. It feels wrong.

This brings me full circle to the thought patterns I had when I first began this journey. At 310 pounds I recognized that food did not satisfy the hunger. My drug of choice numbed the pain but did not heal the wound.

I needed to discover what was driving the hunger. I eventually learned the hunger did not start in my stomach but in my soul. The diagnosis was important because without it, I could not search for a cure.

Simone Weil describes the danger of not recognizing this soul hunger.

“The soul knows for certain only that it is hungry. The important thing is that it announces its hunger by crying. A child does not stop crying if we suggest to it that perhaps there is no bread. It goes on crying just the same.

The danger is not lest the soul should doubt whether there is any bread, but lest, by a lie, it should persuade itself that it is not hungry. It can only persuade itself of this by lying, for the reality of its hunger is not a belief, it is a certainty.”

Obesity was the result of the lie I said to my soul; food will satisfy my me. My estimation is that all soul-destroying addiction (cigarettes, alcohol, sex, anorexia, etc.) stems from this lie. To lie to ones self seems particularly heinous, but we all do it. In my estimation, the only way to stop the lie is to recognize our true hunger and look outside ourselves for true soul food.

The grackles are fighting over the suet again. Their brokenness reminds me of my own. Do they know there is a cure? Do I? But is it worth the price?

Next time: Inoculation at any cost

Have you ever clung to a habit you sort of kind-of thought might be bad for your body or mind, but it was so ingrained in your lifestyle you never actually considered giving it up?

I met Gil a few years ago at a ballgame. I work with his lovely wife, Beth. Beth mentioned my weight loss story to Gill and he was inspired. He peppered me with questions and then went out and did something about it. He began to exercise and eat right and lost about 50 pounds. He had more or less been living a healthy lifestyle for a few years but had one habit he didn’t quit: Diet Coke.

Beth had urged him to stop drinking it since he drank about a 2 liter a day. Gil also has type 2 diabetes and has been striving to get his blood sugars under control. Recently, Beth shared with me that he had finally quit the libation. I know many people who have not been able to shake his habit so I asked her why, and how he did it. When she shared his story, I was so amazed, I asked for their permission to share his here. I will let Gil share his story in his own words.

Margaret: What was your goal and what did you accomplish?

Gil: My primary goal was to lose weight and get my blood sugars lower.

I tried to lose weight with diet and exercise. I recently went to my doctor and my blood sugar was still out of control. I became very frustrated, taking metformin, exercise, and diet I could not get below 295-297.

I went to the natural way to see if there was a natural approach. When the employee talked about my life style, I told her about my diet and that I drink a lot of Diet Coke. She said that is it, aspartame is horrible and causes everything you are experiencing.

So I immediately got off of Diet Coke and any artificial sweetener. My typical blood sugar was 180 and within days they started to dropped significantly, 150 – 140 – 120 -110 – and now I am having mostly 90’s. I had trouble getting lower than 180 for years. Unbelievable. In addition she told me about probiotics, she told me aspartame destroys good stomach bacteria.

The results: low blood sugar. I have lost 12-15 pounds in three weeks, no more stomach nausea, no more mind fog, NO MORE CRAVINGS! I did not change anything but getting off aspartame and adding probiotics. I have always awakened around 2 or 3 am to eat due to cravings, every night. This is gone. I have dinner and do not eat again until the morning.

The change is unbelievable. Not to mention that my blood pressure was always around 140 over 90. Recently it was measured at 126/64. My doctor took it twice thinking it was wrong.

I feel better than ever, I drink Unsweetened Tea with Stevia, water, Zevia and Zero Vitamin Water. My research found that Stevia is actually good and can help reverse metabolic syndrome. My diet is still the same, diabetic diet.

I truly believe that Aspartame caused – Type 2 – Metabolic Syndrome – Weight Gain – Cravings – High Blood Sugar – Mind Fog – High Blood Pressure – Nausea

Thank you, Gil, for sharing. I hope your story encourages a lot of people to stop drinking diet colas with aspartame and other sweeteners that are toxic to the body. I’m so proud of you