Archive for the The Journey Category

Have you heard the term “modern convenience”? I lump many things into this category; automobiles, washing machines, dishwashers, and elevators. But the term is not restricted to machines. Think canned food, frozen dinners, and Pizza Hut(my personal favorite). We’ve got television so we don’t have to think for ourselves. We have smart phones to deliver the internet and instant access to people(no more writing letters). For a few bucks we can hop on an airplane and travel to another country in one day as opposed to spending weeks on a boat. The twentieth century has primed us to be a culture of ease. No wonder we’re fat. If anyone manages to invent an anti-gravity device, the human race is doomed.

So why do something difficult if there is an easier way? After all, scientists and inventors spent a lot of time creating these time saving devices. But do we actually have more time in the day? If we do, why do people tell me, “I don’t have time to exercise.”

Pride of Ownership

I don’t always enjoy working out. There. I’ve said it. Some mornings I wake up and think, “I would rather get a root canal than work out today.” Sometimes my body needs to rest, but I can’t skip my workout too frequently even though it would be immediately convenient. So what motivates me to get on the elliptical machine when I would rather melt it down for scrap? Pride of ownership. First, I am fairly certain my body is the only body I will have for the rest of my life, unless someone invents brain transplants(see human race=doomed comment above). Second, when I tackle a difficult task and complete it I am proud of myself. I know what being proud of myself feels like. It’s awesome! Therefore, I see into the future that if I complete a difficult workout I will like me. So I do it.

I also think this way about food. I may really want Pizza Hut, but I know that if I abstain I will be proud of myself(not to mention thankful for the absence of indigestion and heartburn).

I may have mentioned one of the triggers for me to get healthy was recognizing my addiction to sugary treats. I literally couldn’t envision a day where I didn’t consume pounds of candy. Deciding to cut sugar out of my diet wasn’t particularly difficult but living through the first week without it was pure hell. I took the first step and then analyzed myself. How did I actually feel after one week without sugar? I honestly didn’t feel much different physically. I still weighed 310 pounds. I still craved White Castle. But how I felt in my spirit is a different story. Before that week I didn’t think it was possible. But I did it. And I was so proud of myself. I wondered if I could make it one more week. I tried and I did it. Then I began to notice changes in my body. I noticed I didn’t get as hungry as I used to. My cravings for fast food gradually subsided. I began to notice the natural sweetness in foods(I could not believe milk was naturally sweet!). When I think about the fact that I could have gone my entire life without enjoying an orange(too sour!) I grieve. Cutting sugar out of my diet changed my life. To be completely truthful, I actually enjoy food more now that I did before. All because I attempted to do something difficult. Sometimes recognizing the difference between “difficult” and “impossible” is the beginning of a miracle.

Each days brings its own particular set of challenges. Some seem so large I hide in the bathroom. It’s true. Don’t tell anybody. But even on those days I have ammunition.

I don’t talk enough about faith and the roll it has played in my journey. How in the beginning I prayed that God would help me to not eat sugar. How He answered that prayer. How He helped me recover after eating a bowl of cookie dough(my favorite guilty pleasure) three months into my journey. How He helped me keeping walking when I desperately wanted to quit. Some days I don’t really understand how I have managed to lose 140 pounds and change my life. Then I realize, it wasn’t me. It was God, showing me my weaknesses and then giving me the strength to keep tackling them when I fail. It started with a simple prayer, “Lord, teach me how to be disciplined.”

Discipline is not convenient. It is by definition difficult. And while I love my car and I love my washing machine, I love my body more. I am now willing to forgo “convenience” to care for it. If that means giving up Pizza Hut and learning how to make healthy homemade pizza instead, by golly I’m game. Even if it means spending 60 minutes to prepare it instead of having it delivered at the door.

Adversity takes many different shapes. It is the empty bank account when the mortgage is due and the bully who takes pride in making one feel inferior. How we react to adversity says a great deal about our character.

Today I had the great privelege to revisit a time of adversity in my life. I went through a work situation that was extremely difficult several years ago. I don’t say that lightly. It was months of being brave when I felt like crumbling inside. Inevitably I resigned, unable to continue in a deteriorating environment. I felt like a failure. And though I have never regretted my decision it has always felt unfortunate.

Looking through the lens of experience I see that situation quite differently today. I wonder if I had the self confidence I do now that I would have responded differently. I like to think I would. I spend a great deal of time trying to encourange people facing adversity. I honestly believe exhibiting a positive attitude plays a great role in helping us to get through difficult situations. Instead of saying, “I can’t” say “I can” and try. You never know if you can if you don’t try.

Seven years ago I sat across a desk from someone with tears in my eyes bemoaning a co-worker who seemed set on getting me fired. Rather than bear up under it, I quit. It was the beginning of a time of great turmoil in my life. As I thought about it today I realized how far I have come and how much I have grown. In an interesting turn of events I had the opportunity to sit across the table from that same person under different circumstances and with a completely different outcome. I felt vindicated in some respects and also that I had come full circle. It was an opportunity to physically and spiritually experience resolution to something that has long troubled me.

We often ask why we must face adversity. It always feels unfair and unnecessary. But facing trials makes us better human beings if we learn from the experience. If we walk through the fire and live to tell the tale we have the choice to become bitter or see our lives as blessed.

I have a friend who inspires me every single day. She has faced great adversity in her life and lives to tell the tale. She lost a child. She was abused by her husband. There was a time in her life when she felt hopeless, like we all do at some point in our lives. She is a source of great strength to me because she has learned from it all and endeavors to share her life experience with others so they too can learn from her pain. She has the most beautiful smile and positive attitude of anyone I know and I love her for it.

Juxtapose this with a woman I knew 7 years ago who was divorced, bitter and lashed out at every person she met with venom. When she wasn’t complaining about how terrible her life was she was busy ruining the lives of those around her. She proved to me that bitterness is cancer of the soul.

I don’t have to ask myself which one I want to be.

Around 1:00pm today I hung my head at my desk and began to cry. I thought to myself, “I can’t.” Then I took a deep breath. And another. I lifted my head and said, “I can.” And I did.

Praise God! I am not a quitter anymore.

And while I wish I didn’t have to walk through so many valleys to come to this place in my life, I know that I would not be the same person without them.

The brain is an amazing organ. It is the command center of the body. Without it we would die.

The mind is something else entirely. When I say “mind” I refer to conscious mental activity. In other words, the way an individual feels, perceives, thinks, wills and especially reasons.

We cannot order the brain(i.e. tell it to stop our heart or lungs from functioning) but we can direct the mind.

The brain is a very powerful organ. It’s neural pathways are designed to preserve our lives. Take, for instance, the fight or flight response. When we experience anxiety or fear our brain automatically tells our heart to begin to beat faster. If you are in the process of being mugged you will have a heightened response to run or fight back, even if you give up your possessions willingly. If you are in a movie theater watching the hero get mugged the mind will reason with the brain that everything is really okay.

I have been reading a book called “The Addicted Brain” by Michael Kuhar. He is a neuroscientist who has studied addiction for many years and is renowned in his field. He says this:

“Even after we stop taking drugs, they influence our actions for a long time, for many months or even years. They want you to continue to feed them by taking more and more drugs. Part of the power of the demons is that they reside in powerful brain systems. These brain systems have to be powerful because they have a big job, such as keeping us fit and surviving. The long life and the power of the demons make them formidable enemies, but we are not alone or helpless. Treatment and rehab centers help us regain control of our lives. The same demons seem to apply to other addictions–gambling, carbohydrates, sex and the Internet. … Changing our behaviors and habits in constructive ways thwarts the demons.”

Dr. Kuhar seems to think that even when we program our brains toward addiction(whether it be to drugs, food or even sex) we have the capacity to stop via our will. He even showed scans of brains before, during and after drug use and how they change. He holds out hope that medications can be derived to speed up the rehabilitation process(helping fix damaged or broken neural pathways) but until then urges readers to participate in traditional therapies(AA, Narcotics Anonymous, Overeaters Anonymous).

This is very powerful to me because it says there is hope for the addict. Changing habits can impart permanent change but one must make a conscious decision to act toward self preservation.

“There is abundant evidence that dopamine is associated with fundamentally important actions, such as food intake and mating. … decades of scientific work has shown that these dopamine-containing neurons are involved in many functions surrounding feeding and sexual behavior. … A few experimental findings can be mentioned to support this. Food intake is associated with a release of dopamine in the nucleus accumbens, a place in the brain involved in addiction.”

I have heard people say, “I can’t lose weight” because of physical limitations. But most of us, unless we are paralyzed from the neck down, have the ability to put calories into our bodies via our mouths. It is a proven scientific fact that if you consume fewer calories than your body needs to function, you will lose weight. So what they are really saying is, “I choose not to lose weight.”

This is oversimplified of course because as I learned in this book, the brain works against me by trying to preserve my life. This is why it is so difficult to lose weight or break any kind of addiction and why so few people are successful at it.

I have no interest in tooting my own horn. If you knew me personally you would understand the challenges I have faced in confronting my body and willing it to change. I am simply trying to understand why change is so difficult in the hopes that I can help others as they take the path towards living a healthier lifestyle. In essence, I want you to be successful in making permanent lifestyle changes, i.e. losing weight, and never regaining it again. It is counterintuitive to lose weight and regain it, yet people do it all the time.

The brain is a powerful organ but I would argue the mind is stronger still. Some people call this “will power”. Others call it motivation. My motivation was and is simple. I did not want to be fat. I don’t ever want to be fat again. I have promised myself I will do everything within my power to stay healthy, no matter what my brain tells me.