Archive for the The Journey Category

I say yes. There are instances in life where getting angry is completely appropriate and wholly acceptable. It’s how we respond to and display our anger that is important.

This is not the time or place I choose rant and rave and tell the world all of my problems. We all have problems. We all have issues and stressors and children that need throttling. But today, my little world is crashing around my ankles and I find myself reflecting on what it looks like to manage my anger when I want to run, kicking and screaming and throwing rocks at pretty white ducks. Yes, I am hot enough to maim innocent creatures.

As I drove home tonight I thought about the injustices in my world. And I decided to start asking questions and just discourse with God, because the thing is, it’s not fair and it’s not right and I hate it. People are mean, laws are unjust and I want to poke some of my co-workers in the eyes.

But I can’t escape these problems. I’m going to have to deal with them head on without resorting to violence, which also seems unfair. The thing is, I can’t escape my life. I could possibly abandon my family and flee to another state and start over, but then I would have to live with myself. Chances are I’d regret it and then spend the next 5 years apologizing and begging forgiveness from my loved ones. But that doesn’t mean the thought doesn’t cross my mind. If it didn’t, I’d be a cyborg.

So here is how I dealt with my anger today…

I cried in my car at lunch for about 15 minutes. I allowed myself that break to just be human and experience full on anger and frustration. Then I wiped my tears, blew my nose and painted a smile on my face. It wasn’t the best smile, but it was a smile. Then, when I encountered co-workers and they asked me “How are you today?” I was able to say, “Fine. How are you?” and not look like I felt. And when I got an email with bad news, I picked up the phone and gently instructed the moron who was trying to upset my carefully stacked apple cart that, “No, I’m not going to acquiesce to your request, but I don’t want you to take it personally and I truly appreciate your time and consideration and we really should work out a better process in the future.” And she was able to kindly say, “Thank you for being so nice and have a nice day.”

And I actually felt better. Smile and the feeling will follow.

I arrived home tonight tired and weary. I dragged my sorry body into the house and past the little monsters born of my loins. I started to undress and the neighbor boy walked around the corner and saw me in my underwear. (!)

And I decided to just give up. Because yelling and screaming won’t get it done. Those kids are never going to communicate properly. And no matter how many times I poke them with sharp sticks, they just don’t get it. So I decided to blog instead of beating them.

See, expressing ones anger is not wrong, and it can be done fruitfully. My last point of note is that anger does not need to be expressed through ice cream and a snickers bar, but it doesn’t hurt!

I saw the following flier posted at work today and wanted to share. It got me thinking, I am really proud of the company I work for because they are making an attempt to offer healthier, affordable, options in our Café. They have recognized the obesity epidemic and have wisely noticed that some people want to make healthy choices. It doesn’t hurt that they might profit from it. I think this is ingenious. And I’m not excited about it simply because they are offering fish taco’s(though that is what grabbed my attention). I am hopeful that healthy living is actually becoming a trend.

I had a very fruitful conversation with a friend at work today. He is from the baby boomer generation and noted that many companies developed “junk food” in response to world-wide starvation epidemics “back in the day.” It was a point of view I have never heard before. He went on to say that companies never set out to develop foods that would cause mass obesity or harm our planet. They were looking for ways to stem the mass deaths caused by starvation around the world. There are people who would disagree with this logic, but I thought it was an interesting point of view. He said that today we don’t hear about starvation issues the way he did when he was younger, and much of that is due to companies like Monsanto who found a way to produce more food per acre. The sad byproduct is GMO’s that cause diseases like Celiac’s and other terrible food allergies and auto immune disorders. Also, in our attempt to make a bigger, leaner cow and chicken, we now have girls going through puberty at a very early age because of added hormones. What I loved about this conversation was that he noted his hope that the United States would recognize the harmful effects of these byproducts and begin to change course by conducting research that will lead us back to producing healthier foods that eliminates these kinds of side effects. It was one of the most positive conversations I’ve had about the foods we consume, well, ever.

I was at the pool this weekend and was paying close attention to the children at play. When I was a child, I thought I was fat. I was one of the larger kids in my class(I always had a sweet tooth that could not be reckoned with) when most kids were thin. Today, children in general are much more plump than I ever was. Why is that? Well, I believe it is because “junk food” is cheaper, and more convenient. It also tastes pretty darn good. I believe educating people is one way to motivate them to make healthier choices. I can’t imagine most people want to be fat. I believe we can eat yummy food and be relatively healthy. It sure is easy to pick up a couple frozen pizzas and pop them in the oven as opposed to cooking. I have made the sacrifice to take the time to cook healthier meals for my family.

Now I realize there is a faction of people who say eating any food that is NOT organic and that IS genetically modified is NOT healthy. Well, I’ll be frank, you have to start somewhere. To me, stopping the McDonald’s craze is one place to start. Make hamburgers at home and eat a bake potato instead of French fries. I have lost 140 pounds doing this very thing all while controlling my portions. I fully admit I eat foods that are not certified organic. Why? I’m not rich and can’t afford to spend half my salary on food.

Here is one example of something I do to eat “healthier” and not spend too much money. Instead of buying 3 frozen pizzas to feed a family of 5(3@ $3.00=$9.00). I buy 1 pound of ground beed($3.99), a 5lb bag of potatoes($2.50), frozen veggies($.99), and a bag of buns($.99) which all adds up to about $8.47 which is roughly the same price. And, at least there is nutrition in the baked potato skin and the corn. And my family is happy.

I am really hopeful that our country as a whole is beginning to recognize the obesity epidemic and I agree with my friend. Maybe we can shift the nations consciousness and make healthy the new trend of our generation.

The view from my cubicle isn’t very exciting. If I’m lucky, I see my leader(through our pass-through window). If he is in a meeting, I see a slit of sunshine through the closed blinds in the aisle. But take note, I am squinting because of the supersonic florescent light over my head. Toiling away in this environment makes me feel as if I am crystalizing into Styrofoam. It’s just unnatural.

I sip coffee(okay, I admit I didn’t give it up-though I know I should) and guzzle water, and make frequent trips to the restroom. And sometimes I work. Mostly, I wish I were outside. When I grow up I’m going to be a professional sunbather. I love the feel of sunshine on my shoulders. And yes, every time I say that I think of John Denver and feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Naturally, I believe sunshine should be a part of everyone’s day.

Why do I bring this up? Well for one thing, being a grown up is stupid. I live in a constant state of “hurry up.” There aren’t enough hours in the day to do everything I want to do. Most of the time “sunshine on my shoulders” is at the bottom my priority list. There are many good reasons for this. My paycheck ensures I have a roof over my head and food in my belly. If I don’t spend 45 hours at my place of employment, well, I might get hungry. And I don’t enjoy being hungry, or broke, or homeless for that matter. And then there are the ferocious beastlets(my children). They have this habit of squawking like gargantuan hatchlings, fresh out of their dragon eggshells when I don’t stuff food into their bellies. So I spend many more hours than I would like to standing over a hot stove cooking them mealworms and grubs. (They like it best with bananas and chocolate chips). Alas, I have so little time for me.

But today I have vowed to make time for “sunshine on my shoulders.” I have purchased a new swimming suit, on which I spent an obscene amount of money, so I do not embarrass said beastlets when I drag them kicking and screaming to the swimming pool tonight. They will watch in abject horror as I dive(gasp!) off the diving board and sploosh(!) down the water slide. My 16 year old has informed me that there really is nothing worse than going to the pool with his mother. But he doesn’t seem to understand that my signature joy in life is mortifying him in front of strangers, and to deprive me of such joy is well, just wrong. Mothers must have fun too!

So my advice for today is this…. Make time for yourself. Don’t get so caught up in life’s responsibilities that you don’t take time to do something you enjoy. Life is just too precious and way too short. Your simple pleasure may be different than mine. I was never very fond of bungee jumping or mudding. But rest assured, today, taking time to renew my frazzled mind is at the top of my list.