Archive for the The Journey Category

Sometimes life grabs us by the throat and throttles us. Whether by illness, grief or bad choices, we find ourselves in a place we don’t want to be and with no way out. Sometimes there is no escaping the suffering that overtakes our lives. We have one of two choices, bear up beneath the weight of it, or crumple.

I am really good at crumpling. It’s the easier option after all. The storms of life blow and I put the back of my hand to my forehead and twirl in circles right before I “faint.” I am well acquainted with the ground, having spent my share of time wallowing in the dirt. And sometimes we need to do that for a minute. We need to cry and grieve whatever it is we’ve lost, but eventually we have to make the choice to stagnate or pick up and move on.

The one common denominator of suffering is that we bear it uniquely and personally. My pain is not the same as your pain but I still feel it. One person’s stubbed toe is another person’s cancer. I try to never diminish the sorrow of another person because I am incapable of feeling exactly what they feel. After all, I have never lived their life. My husband likes to use the term “Milk Toast” when referring to someone with less than stellar resilience. But we can never gauge with complete accuracy the intensely personal pain of another person.

As one who has struggled a lot over the years, I think people that don’t have problems are weird. I always wonder if they are lying. Is their life really that good? And maybe it is. Who am I to judge? But I would venture to guess that the majority of us have struggled or suffered in some way during our short time in this world. If you are in the “painless” majority, just wait. It’s coming.

If you are suffering today with emotional or physical trauma, my heart goes out to you. And I have some advice for you to take or leave, as you see fit. I even promise not to be offended if you slam the door in my face by way of navigating away from this webpage.

1) This too shall pass. It’s true, time does heal. Pain leaves scars but eventually the acute pain will fade. Grieve while you must, cry and groan. Cry out for help from true friends who know you well, and let them comfort you.

2) Move. I don’t mean just exercise, though it does help to get your heart rate up if you can. But do not stay where you are. I like the verse that says, “Yeah though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death…” Notice the author doesn’t say, Yeah though I lie motionless in the valley….” Move mentally. Move spiritually. Move physically. Just don’t stay in that place if you can help it.

3) Rest. Sleep helps the body heal. Be kind to yourself and get at least 8 hours. And then remember #2 above.

4) Forgive(if someone wronged you). Anger only turns to bitterness. Bitterness will eat away at your future joy and leave you hollow. This is not easy. It may take time. But chip away at it and go out and live again. It is especially important to forgive yourself if you realize you made the mistake. Then go make it right if you can.

5) Do something for someone other than yourself who is suffering. Even if you don’t feel like it. Do it. Sometimes we have to step outside of our pain and recognize others hurt too. This will take the focus off you for a minute and give you room to heal. And, you will comfort someone who desperately needs it.

6) Listen to music. I often hear lyrics that help me deal with my own issues. I can’t explain it. Music truly does soothe the soul.

7) Breathe. Take long deep breaths. They will help your body relax. 8) Learn. We have the opportunity as human beings to fill our brains with knowledge. Use your brain. I often find learning about my issues helps me anesthetize my suffering. And take good notes. You may need to pull them out the next time something awful happens.

9) Let go. All too often I carry the world on my shoulders unnecessarily. Sometimes we just have to focus our attention elsewhere and stop thinking about it. This is a concerted mental exercise but if we practice it, we will heal faster.

The sun may not come up tomorrow. Live today as if it were your last. If you are not suffering, go out and brighten someone’s life. Hug your dog. Refrain from yelling at your stubborn child. Stop and howl at the moon.

And here’s one that bears repeating over and over and over…. Love. You are here because your parents loved. That tiny seed started something…namely, YOU. You are valuable, lovely and have a purpose. Never forget it.

In April of 2010 I knew I was fat but wasn’t willing to do anything about it. I didn’t want to separate myself from the foods I loved or move enough to burn off my extra padding. Conceptually, I wanted to be skinny and pretty—like most women. I wanted my husband to find me attractive. I wanted to bend over and touch my toes—okay, not really—I just wanted to be able to clip my toenails. But I was locked into a addiction that was worse than any prison. I had no idea I was killing myself emotionally and physically. But rather than address the issues causing me to spiral, I sulked, made excuses, and cried. It was all very unproductive.

Fast forward three and a half years and I am rubbing people the wrong way with my healthy lifestyle. The way some people roll their eyes at me, you would think their eyeballs were loose. Today I feel this deep well of emotion stirring in my soul. I want to educate people on what it means to be healthy. It seems that many people around me have a very loose idea of what good health is and what it truly means to be healthy. Even worse, they don’t care. This has made me deeply reflective. Why do I care?

The diet industry is booming. Obviously there is a market for people who want to lose weight or get in shape. But until a person identifies their motives, sets a goal and sticks to a plan, they are no better than me, a decade ago, ordering Hydroxycut and saying a prayer that it would melt the fat off my body. I am so glad I have adjusted my mental faculties into learning discipline, not only because I wanted to lose weight, but because I felt God wanted me to take control of my out-of-control life. I am whole-heartedly convicted that being “self-controlled and alert” is a spiritual and physical discipline. I love the comedian, Jim Gaffigan. He makes no excuses for his fat, pale body. In fact, he’s making a lot of money touring the country while making fun of himself for being fat and lazy. Sure it’s funny, but he’s a comedian and his life is supposed to be a punch line. But when we get serious, we are forced to take a hard look at our lives and our bodies. If we have to make jokes to deal with the pain, something is seriously wrong.

Here is my list(my opinion) of what Good Health is:

1) I am not in chronic pain. (sports injuries aside)

2) I can outrun my children, which means I always win.

3) I’m happy.

4) I don’t cry when I open the closet door(anymore).

5) I fit in the driver’s seat of my car without pushing the seat back.

6) I don’t have any serious illnesses and can fight off reasonable infection without antibiotics.

7) I can climb a flight of stairs without fear of passing out.

8) I enjoy eating lots of fruit and vegetables.

I could go on and on but eight seems like a good number. I used to think I had no say in my health. I assumed I would contract cancer, or some other terrible disease, at any time and there was nothing I could do to prevent it. I now know that eating the right food and exercising regularly will help prevent terrible diseases. Take type 2 diabetes, for example. Between 1995 and 2010 the number of diagnosed cases of diabetes jumped by 50% or more in forty-two states and by 100% in eighteen states. These statistics are so staggering that the Center for Disease Control and Prevention is trying to create a strategy to slow the prevalence of this illness. If you don’t know, Diabetes causes blood glucose(sugar) levels to rise higher than normal because your body loses its ability to use insulin properly. We also know that sugar feeds cancerous tumors. So why do people insist on consuming it in such vast quantities? Yes, I do know it’s tasty but it’s killing us!

The tipping point for me was my recent decision to cut dairy and gluten from my diet. Three weeks have passed and I feel like a completely different person. I have lost 7 pounds. My head is clear. I am not obsessing about food anymore. I’m so full of joy and relief that I keep saying, “Thank you, Jesus!” It feels like a miracle and maybe it is. I lost 140 pounds through sheer force of will. If only I had known then what I know now… I never thought in a million years that life could be this good.

I want everyone to have what I have. That is why I am writing this blog. Yes, this world is fractured and imperfect. Yes, there is pain, sorrow and hardship. Yes, bad things happen to good people. But we have one thing we can control, our bodies and what we do with them. I have a serious question for you to consider: Why wouldn’t you do everything humanly possible to take care of your body?

Because honestly, I don’t see K-Mart having a blue light special on human bodies any time soon.

I realize I sound like a “how to” manual, but as I was jogging this morning I thought through some of the things I have learned in my journey. It is so overwhelming for a heavy person to even think about going on a diet. Especially if they have tried and failed multiple times. I saw a friend in the grocery store last night and told her about my switch to a gluten/dairy free lifestyle. I know she struggles with depression like me and thought it might be beneficial. I said, “It’s really not that hard.” She said, “Margaret, you make everything look easy. But it’s not easy.” It hurt my heart. So how can I simplify what I have learned into a few paragraphs that might help others out there get started? I’m going to try.

1) Forgive yourself for letting your body go. You have value and are worth the effort.

2) Don’t buy into the hype. People will try to sell you diet “miracles” the same as they will a Whopper.

3) Sacrifice and then persevere. Your body doesn’t know what healthy is. You “think” you want a burrito supreme but your body is probably craving water. You will have to retrain it and yes, it’s going to be difficult. But it’s worth it. I started by cutting out sugar and refined white flours. I drank water instead of putting food into my mouth. I walked about 15 minutes at first. I weighed 310 pounds and thought it was impossible to lose weight. It is not. You just have to train your body and your mind what healthy is. You will not lose weight eating Recess Peanut Butter cups, no matter how many miles you walk.

4) Relapse happens. Your favorite food is there and you eat it. And then you eat more. And then you realize your whole diet is blown and you may as well call it quits. Walk anyway. Start again. Never give up. Never surrender.

5) Work through your emotional issues with food. It really does all start in the brain. You don’t want to eat brussel sprouts, you’re not going to eat them. You want some chicken nuggets and you can’t stop thinking about them. You get sad. It’s not fair that Misty Skinny girl gets to eat heaps of candy and never gains a pound. You hate her. You imagine stabbing her with toothpicks. You give in and eat chicken nuggets and feel like a failure. You are not a failure. You just have to stop the negative self talk. So you don’t want Brussels Sprouts? What do you like that is healthy? Find a whole food that is tasty(raisins, lean meat, your favorite leafy vegetable). So you don’t like any of those things? Cut sugar out of your diet and your taste buds will change. I guarantee it.

5) Ask for help. I have faithful friends who listened to me cry when it got too hard for me. They help carry the water. And I asked God for help because He is my best friend. I never understate that because I could not have walked through this journey without Him.

Hebrews 2:18 Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted.

6) Study hard. Read everything you can about losing weight. Testimonials. Books about nutrition. Get excited and talk about it to everyone. Make them mad with your new smarts about living a healthy lifestyle. Real friends will bear up under it, phony friends will walk away. You didn’t need them anyway. I read “Half-Assed-A Memoir” by Jennette Fulda. She lost half her body weight through diet and exercise. Reading that book evoked so many emotions in me and I realized that I too could lose weight. Thank you, Jennette! You inspired me! 7) Have fun! Try new foods you would have never eaten before. For me it was pineapple, guacamole, fish tacos, fresh blueberries. Yes, you may have to eliminate most of what you ate before but that stuff is poison to your body. Discipline your mind to NOT think about the foods you can’t have and concentrate on the yummy foods you can. 8) Just keep swimming. Dory said it best in Finding Nemo. What works for someone else may not work for you. Your body is different than mine or your moms. Listen to your body and just keep moving. When I weighed 310 pounds I had to walk around the block and it was awful. When I weight 261 pounds I had to keep walking around the block and it was not as difficult. I knew that if I just kept walking and eating right, I was honoring my body. It was hard work. It was maybe the most difficult thing I have ever done in my life, but it was worth it. Today is a beautiful, glorious day. I grabbed my workout clothes and jogged and walked 6 miles. I went slow and careful because of my goofy hip. And I had fun. I love the clarity the dairy/gluten free diet is affording me. Today I am making hummus to eat for lunch this week. I amaze everyone at work with my beautiful salads and even fresh guacamole that I made at work in the lunch room. Do I sound like I’m miserable because I can’t have Recess Peanut Butter Cups and White Castle? Yes, it took me a minute to get over those cravings in the beginning but they did pass. I have lost 140 pounds. I never thought it was possible. What can you do to improve your life?

Now go get ’em!