When We Bite First and Ask Questions Later

I was riding my bicycle down the street. Minding my own business. When low and behold I saw a live animal on the side of the road. It is a rare occurrence to see a living creature so near the murderous pavement. I assumed he would scurry away as I rode closer. Instead, he reared up on his hind legs, opened his mouth and bared his very long teeth. The next thing I knew, there was a chomp on my (thankfully!) sturdy leather cycling shoes and a thwump in the spokes of my bike. I stopped abruptly to ensure the ferocious young groundhog was not injured, but all I got for my tender loving care was a nasty look and some raucous chatter. He then scurried into the long grass and infamy.

Have you ever felt threatened? Did you bite first and ask questions later?

Emotions are powerful little animals that fill us with all manner of feelings and refuse to be ignored. They appear cute and cuddly one moment, but are able transform into violent monsters the next. In such moments we have little composure because our gut response overtakes our better judgement to practice self-control.

The art of discipline

“But I say walk by the Spirit and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.” – Galatians 5:16

I’ve spent the past ten years trying to master my food obsessions with some measure of success. One important lesson I learned early on was to plan ahead. “Fail to plan or plan to fail.” I purchased vegetables and fruit, and was thoughtful about my meals for the week. I avoided junk foods in the grocery store anything with processed sugar. The elimination of sugar helped me learn what true hunger was (by eliminating blood sugar spikes and crashes!). Needless to say, I put a lot of thought and energy into what I planned to eat so that I would lose weight.

This did not come naturally to me. I am an emotional, impulse driven girl. See food. Eat it. Crave food. Eat it. Even with the rhythm of repetition, I struggled to make healthy choices. I especially hated to exercise. It was a means to an end. It hurt. It chaffed. It bothered me! Because I was so miserable, I learned how to pray and ask God for help. I listened to scriptures that reassured me of God’s love and care for me. And to be really vulnerable, I fell in love with God in a way I never would have otherwise. He walked with weak, dejected, obese Margaret and never rejected me. More importantly, he answered my cries for help. Why do I write all of that? (Regular readers are yawning with boredom right now and thinking me braggadocious. But I promise that is not my intent.)

I bit my husband on Wednesday when he rode his bike too close.

There. I said it. Well, not actually with my teeth, but I’m sure it hurt just as much. And well, he wasn’t actually on a bicycle. I was in the middle of an emotional moment while exercising on my yoga mat when he tersely asked, “What did you do with my clean towels?” I could tell by his tone of voice that I was about to get a lecture. So I let him have it. Four letter words and all. And he did not take it kindly so he cursed back. I then cried for the next 30 minutes–not because I felt guilty–but because I was finally able to express all of the emotions I’ve been bottling up since Coronavirus swallowed my hope, and George Floyd was killed.

People lash out when they are afraid or about to be injured. It is a natural human response. But I believe there is a better way. Just as people say to me, “Margaret, it is impossible to lose weight” they will say, “Margaret, it is impossible to restrain my emotions.” So today I am going to make a case for doing just that.

Our culture has glorified the emotional outburst. We even have fluffy words for it, “all the feels”. We seem to have forgotten the virtue of restraint. Or we simply aren’t interested. The problem is, civil discourse is a very real casualty and I believe that is partly the cause for the division in our country. I realize we all have different value systems, but if we can’t find a way to communicate and compromise in order to achieve unity, we are doomed.

What is the Solution?

We must learn to walk by the Spirit. Much the same way I learned to plan ahead to eat, we can learn to plan ahead to prevent emotional outbursts. How does this work, you ask?

Prayer

Why prayer?  Because we need to ask God for help. Now maybe you are thinking that’s ridiculous and we have it within our capacity to just be nicer, calmer and generally more genial. Several friends of mine will even insert the practice of meditation and other soul-soothing exercises. But I would (civilly) rebut that idea because I believe what the bible says about people being “dead in our trespasses.” We simply can’t sustain “good” behavior because of our depraved nature. We are consumers and when threatened, well, we bite. We need to ask for the power of God to help us overcome our sinful nature before we get emotionally perturbed. It is only by His power that we can manifest the fruits of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

I have learned that when I properly prepare for uncivil situations, I have the peace of God that enables me to remain calm. This peace is rooted in the knowledge that Jesus purchased my pardon (cause Heaven knows I’m guilty of sin!) so that I might extend that grace to others. I know of no other means by which to bless those who persecute me and not to curse them.

“If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” – Romans 12: 20-21

In conclusion, my dear Ground Hogs, we are all guilty of biting first and asking questions later. Shoot. Some of us don’t even ask questions. We just go around biting and devouring one another. But I have good news! There is another way. The way of peace is a real path we can choose to walk. And even better, we do not walk it alone. Jesus himself will be our companion and He will give us the strength to obey His commands. We simply have to surrender our emotions to Him and let him replace our pain with His peace.