Beautiful lies or terrible truths?

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”

I was lied to as a child. The lies are innumerable, of course. Adults would say, “You can be anything you want to be.” What if I wanted to be a bird or a fish? Flying and breathing under water appealed to me as a child. I realize adults want to motivate children to think beyond their boundaries or perceived limitations but why not use speak the truth? Words can and do hurt. Misused words by people have caused many people to guard their hearts and minds. Why? Because people fear pain.

This week at work I dared to share my frustrations with one of the leaders in my department. I could not get my daily work done because the big bosses kept handing down “small tasks” (their words) that took much longer than they said they would. It was causing me a lot of anxiety because I had real deadlines and I was afraid I couldn’t meet them. I say “dared” because I have been afraid to share anything like my real thoughts or feelings to the leaders in my area for a long time. Sharing my real thoughts caused me a lot of problems last year, but this year silence has kept me safe. The boss I spoke with about my frustrations listened and acted like they cared. I felt heard, cared for, and valued. I was even able to sleep well that night. But the next day I had an email “encouraging me” to work with a business coach. The suggestion felt like a command. It implied my frustrations in the workplace had more to do with me being a bad employee than leaders leading poorly.

Everything is fine.

Santa Claus is real.

Coke Zero is good for you.

The universe has a plan for me

I have been listening to some interesting podcasts recently and one big takeaway is people have a lot of faith in the universe. One filmmaker I follow says what you put out into the universe will come back to you. I’ve been thinking about this a lot. Do the words I use have so much power that when I speak they come to life? This seems to be a belief many people have–especially Christian people. Words of affirmation are pretty popular. Is the universe a benevolent entity that cares for me as it does all of nature? Is everything connected in such a way that peace and harmony flow after we say positive words? I am curiouser and curiouser.

When I stand under the night sky and stare up at the stars, I feel very small. When I consider the vastness of space, I wonder about my place in it. Jiminy Cricket was the minstrel of my childhood and sang, “When you wish upon a star, makes no difference who you are, anything your heart desires will come to you.” The words are pretty enough and when accompanied by a melancholy tune, they really tug at the heartstrings. It feels good to think this way, to wish this way, to hope this way. I can be lulled to sleep by this, wishing upon a star that all my dreams will come true. But Jiminy Cricket was a liar too.

“Well, Margaret, that’s because when you said your words of affirmation, you didn’t have enough faith. It’s your fault.”

Is there anything more painful than a friend who tells me things aren’t well in my life because I don’t have enough faith? Worse, the friend who says, “I can’t be around you anymore because your negativity is bringing me down.” Maybe it’s time I stopped being friends with people and start being friends with the universe.

The universe is filled with glorious sunrises and sunsets. It produces shooting stars and gaseous, glowing planets. The universe is big and therefore friendly. It doesn’t chide or coerce. I really kind-of like this idea of the universe. And since I am in awe of this wonderful universe, I have decided to pray to it for something very small. I have asked the universe to make the sweetgum tree in my backyard stop producing gumballs. After all, the gumballs don’t really serve any purpose other than pain. They collect in the yard and make walking treacherous. I could break my ankle, for Pete’s sake! Surely the universe will hear my prayer and urge the tree to surrender to my will. “No more gumballs.” I will pray this five times a day for a week and certainly the universe will hear all 35 statements and honor my request. If I place my faith in the universe, it will not disappoint.

And you know why? Because all the successful people I listen to on podcasts claim the universe helped them to be successful. Therefore, it must be true! Because the all-powerful universe is wonderful! Their success had nothing to do with talent, or luck, or hard work, or intelligence or common grace. Because people are always, you know, honest. Especially when they say things like, “You can be anything you want to be.” It only takes one audition on American Idol to prove this theory false. Just ask Simon Cowell.

I prefer a terrible truth to a beautiful lie any day.

Or what about this one, “Honestly is always the best policy.” Not really. If you tell your boss he is bossing badly, it will not end well for you. The best policy is to shut up and suck it up or find another job.

But that’s not really the point. The point is, often times lies are really convenient. We believe them because we want to. They stop us from asking the real questions. Parents use them to stop children from asking pesky questions they prefer not to answer. Bosses use them to defer employees from holding them accountable to lead well. But what’s really terrible is that when people tell us beautiful lies, they stop us from getting answers to the real questions. Because do you want to know what I really think when I wonder if the universe has a beautiful plan for my life? I think if I entrust myself to the universe, I’m about as safe as a deer drinking out of an alligator infested pond.