Today was a busy, busy day. And when I am busy, I generally feel stressed. It’s like this, I’m working along, doing what needs to be done and then suddenly, the Stress Badger jumps on my back, clamps onto my neck and growls. I hate the stress Badger. She’s very annoying.
So I take deep breaths. I put some lavender essential oil on my hands and inhale. I make little “oohm” noises under my breath. And the Stress Badger whispers, “Ice cream.” And then I start the cycle of inward chatter, will I or won’t I? Today I did not. But on the way home I stopped by my least favorite store to pick up sugar free chocolate and they didn’t have any. Now, for some folks this might not be a big deal. For me, it was catastrophic. For 30 minutes I walked back and forth down the aisle trying to find where they might have hidden it, all the while biting my nails and shivering. Evidently the store got the bright idea to re-work the candy aisle and, *gasp* removed all of the sugar free candy.
So I went to customer service to inquire. Maybe someone would see the desperation in my face and have mercy on me and go to the back and find me some. I know it’s sitting on a pallet back there, right? But alas, they told me to come back tomorrow. As if I’m normal and I’ll accept that response. Que the time Sam’s Club ran out of my sugar free gum and I stood crying at the desk about how I will DIE without it. And one of the ladies scrambled to the back and found me some. Bless her. But that was not the case today. My least favorite store snubbed me, and I am forever chaffed.
I drove home slowly as the Stress Badger dug her teeth into my shoulder muscles and growled some more. And I remembered that I recently purchased chocolate to make homemade brownies(to replace those I stole from my children while they stayed with Grandma). Suddenly my brain was lit on fire with the longing for soft and chewy brownies. And I began to salivate and sigh. And then I remembered that I am attending my 25 year high school reunion this weekend and there is no possible way I’m going to start gobbling brownies and gain 10 pounds before I see my old buddies.
So here I sit.
Writing a blog entry.
Not eating brownies.
Or sugar free chocolate.
Or ice cream.
With a Stress Badger chewing on my neck.
It’s times like these where I just want to run up to strangers, give them the Three Stooges Eye Doink of Death, and then run away laughing hysterically. The things I would do for entertainment if they were socially acceptable!
But seriously. Sometimes I have to learn how to function without my comfort snacks. It is in these moments that I (shockingly) realize the world will not end if I don’t satisfy my cravings.
I write all of this to illustrate that living a healthy lifestyle is not for the faint of heart. One must make difficult decisions, face emotional hangups, and find a way to deftly remove the iron jaws of the Stress Badger without food. Tonight I will accomplish this by finishing a book, (Laddie by Gene Stratton Porter) and drinking hot tea, and maybe crying. Because sometimes life is hard and there are no easy answers. And maybe I should write something holy and prayerful but I just don’t have it in me today. I’m tired. And the best thing I can do is keep it simple, and just go to bed.
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