I dusted off my elliptical machine last night and plugged it in. I haven’t used it in over 9 months because of our move and because it has been so nice outside that I preferred to raise my heart-rate under the sky instead of under my roof. But last night I finally felt ready to conquer that beast after so much time apart. I was full of energy and sure I could just hop on and run to my heart’s content. 5 minutes after ascent I remembered why I hate that sucker; it’s freakin’ hard!
As I ran I thought about my son at Marine boot camp in MCRD-San Diego. I wondered what obstacles he was currently facing and if he was having success in overcoming them. I considered his platoon and the other boys(men in the making). How are they faring? Are they tired, weary, frustrated, drained? Or are they exulting in the training they are receiving and the transformation they are undergoing? Pain is a part of any transformation a human being undergoes. Whether it be mental, physical or spiritual, as a general rule, people avoid pain. But if we are wise enough to be trained by it, we have the ability to grow through it. So when I saw my son’s picture this morning on facebook…taken by a visiting parent on base, I thought how much older and wiser he looks already. I was so proud I thought my heart would burst. I cannot wait to see and hold him again.
I fondly refer to my elliptical machine as the “elliptical of doom” because it pushes me past what I physically feel like I can do. Doom by definition means: very bad events or situations that cannot be avoided; death or ruin. And that about sums it up. Every time I use it, I feel like I’m going to die. and then I don’t. I get stronger. I love that terrible, horrible, no good rotten machine! Most of the time I plan only one minute into the future while using it because I honestly can’t face 60 whole minutes at a time. It’s simply too overwhelming. But I’ll be honest, sometimes I can’t make it as long as I want to. My body and my mind cave in and I limp off as wobbly as a newborn calf.
So when I woke up this morning and felt better than I had in many moons, I realized that ride on the elliptical last night reinforced how good it really is for my body. Pushing myself past what I think I can do does something fantastic for my brain chemistry(when I don’t die using it).
The stars were shining very bright this morning when I let the dogs out at 5:00am and candidly, they were too bright and beautiful for me to waste them. So I threw on some cool weather clothes, grabbed Tank’s harness and leash(Tank is my boxer dog) and we ran out the door. Sometimes the sky and fresh air are too irresistible, too delicious, too wonderful to deny and I have to fling myself into them. We walked fast, but not hard. And Tank bounced like the happy doggie he is, lunging at squirrels and barking at other dogs. We climbed a few hills and praised God for the beautiful morning. And we just enjoyed the sky because we could.
But because life is full of surprises, we found that things do not always go as planned. The Yorkies(rodent sized dogs) that were left unsupervised in their yard were not as peaceable as we were. They barked relentlessly as we approached. They were perched in their front yard like little gargoyles under a giant oak tree. I wasn’t worried about them. After all, Tank likes to eat squirrels and Yorkies aren’t much bigger than one of those. So when they descended upon us, even though Tank is 5 times their size, and the little gremlins attacked like the idiots they are, we were startled to say the least. I suppose if I had been in a harsher frame of mind I would have done more than shout, “Bad dogs!” as they snarled and nipped at us. I suppose I would’ve punted them like a football or swung them by the tail. But all I could think was that Tank could hold his own and so we kept walking. Bless his little doggie heart, he didn’t even fight back. He just stared back at them as if it had all been a strange psychedelic dream.
But as frustrating as that was, I was completely unprepared for what I saw next. I heard them before I saw them—the angry voices of young people shouting. And when I saw them lunging at one another and cursing as if they were much older than 13 or 14 years old, I couldn’t control my tongue. “Good morning!” I shouted above their cries. I did it more to warn them of my approach than anything. “How are you guys this morning?” But the two lovely girls—who I have encountered many times before on my walks—were too engrossed in their anger to respond. As one screamed ugly names at the other, I raised my voice over the din, “That’s not very nice!” I said. “It’s Friday. Be kind!” The roar of the bus as it pulled up did not overpower their snotty retorts and I was immediately transported back to my middle school experience where the cruelty of other girls was my daily dose of torment. Was I foolish to interject my voice into their quarrel? I promise my motives were pure. I hoped to interrupt the squabble and shine light into their darkness, much like those stars that drew me out into the morning. Somehow I doubt very much I was successful but it didn’t hurt to try, right? Still, what had begun as a lovely Fall morning had slowly devolved into a very bad dream.
But isn’t that how life is? We wake up happy only to encounter great darkness? We win an award only to realize it’s broken. We buy a new car and the engine craps out the first day(that was a lot of fun by the way). It’s as if we have this expectation of happiness, as if we are singing “Row, Row, Row your boat gently down the stream” and then we are surprised when a giant log smashes into us and suddenly we’re neck deep in the water and realize our life jacket has sunk with the ship.
Earlier this week I heard several of my co-workers grumbling about various issues at work. One of the ladies seemed to be having a particularly rough day and when I asked her how it was going and got a sarcastic response (“I’m fine!”) I said the first thing on the tip of my tongue, “Well, the day has only just begun. Think about it, you have at least 8 more hours to make it great!”
It’s funny how she laughed then. “You’re right.” She said. “I like your attitude.”
So I suppose I could have let that black cloud of dogs and fighting teenagers fowl up my good mood but I decided not to. Tank and I skipped through the rest of our walk just as happy as we were before and we thanked God for our splendid mood, good health, and the beautiful Fall sky. I don’t always have the capacity for an attitude of gratitude, but heck, practice makes perfect right? And today was an excellent day to be grateful for feeling good after many days of feeling pretty rotten.
Every day we have a choice, we can complain about all the things that are going wrong in our lives or be simply be grateful for all the things that aren’t. Maybe this sounds a little Pollyanna-ish to you, but i think it makes life sweeter.
Today I am grateful for my elliptical machine. I am grateful for the stranger who captured an image of my son at boot-camp and shared it. I am grateful for a gorgeous morning where the stars were sparkling and the air was cool but not cold. But most of all I’m grateful for God because I believe He’s the one who made it all possible.
Leave a Reply