The Top 5 Drawbacks of Healthy Living

I make it a practice not to complain on my blog, but today I’m chaffed. And since it’s not polite(or wise) to complain about work or co-workers or politics on a public space, I would like to gripe about the drawbacks of living a healthy lifestyle instead. Call it a list of pet peeves or petty grievances… I’m going to give you my top five list of things that really annoy me about maintaining a healthy lifestyle – none of which I have any control over or have the power to change.

Eating healthy is expensive

Let’s be clear, I think losing weight should cost nothing. After all, I’ve plunked down plenty of change for Nestle Caramel Treasures, copious amount of McDonald’s fries and Taco Bell tacos in my lifetime. In fact, I’m certain I’ve bought enough White Castle shakes over the years that—if purchased all at once—I could bathe in them. (I really hope that mental picture turns you off of them forever). But the real reason I think reducing my waistline should be free is because I am a miser. It’s true. My favorite store is The Salvation Army Store. Let’s be clear, if I could purchase groceries there, I would. My husband will die of embarrassment to know I am making this public, but let’s be real—this is who I am and I am not ashamed. Therefore, since I hate to spend money and am fully comfortable wearing used clothes and buying gently used appliances and furniture, it’s fairly safe to say I would rather saw off my arm than pay money to lose weight. So when I started getting healthy, it really irritated me to spend money on fresh fruit and vegetables. Whenever I go into Sam’s Club(I know—fancy, right?) I look at the beautiful grapes and cringe. If you ever run into me there and I am drooling over the Bing cherries because I refuse to pay $11.96 for a tiny box of them, just keep walking. It’s bad enough you have to listen to me complain on my blog. And don’t be obnoxious and post, “Shop at Aldi” in the comments. Apples are still more expensive than the value meal at McDonald’s.

Restaurants do not cater to healthy people

I’m sorry if this offends you. Maybe there are a few exceptions. But for the most part, restaurants in our culture have become panoply’s of hedonism. By that I mean this, rather than nourish our bodies, most eating establishments want to give you an “experience” and that experience usually has nothing to do with good health. Now some of you will argue, “That is the point!” Well I say bah to that. It’s a lie. I think all food should be bland and tasteless because then I wouldn’t love eating so much and maybe I wouldn’t be fighting with my body all the time. So while one side of our culture preaches that we must look “healthy”(have 0% body fat) the other side of our culture says, “Indulge! And while you’re at it, pad our pocket books.” Restaurants really irritate me with all their tasty vittles that make me feel gross after I eat them.

Skinny people who eat candy, never get fat, and torment me with obscene candy dishes

I know this makes me a very wicked person. I know I am supposed to love everyone. And I do love them, but as my mother used to say, “I just don’t like them very much.” That is to say, they annoy me. I know several very pretty(and skinny) girls who keep giant candy dishes on their desks. These dishes are almost always full. These girls know that eating excess amounts of sugar will make them fat and so they just nibble occasionally…and leave the dishes there to torment me. Imagine stocking a bar at your desk and then expecting the resident alcoholics to abstain, or leaving little baggies of illicit drugs lying around and then smiling and waving at the addicts who stare(and secretly connive to rob you)longingly. This is probably the real reason for workplace violence. There is one word that perfectly describes these types of people, ghouls!

The Term “Beach Body”

What exactly does that mean? I know what it implies… I should have zero body fat, strong muscles and no cellulite. But has the person using this turn of phrase ever actually been to a beach? I have, and I would say that 80% of the people I see there do not look like the pictures that generally accompany those two words as used in correlation with getting healthy.

The Vocalized Perceptions of People who Don’t Live a Healthy Lifestyle

I don’t care what other people think, except when they tell me what they are thinking. And then it’s a real problem. I know I’m crazy. I don’t need you to tell me I’m crazy. I already know because my husband tells me all the time. Like when we are eating at a restaurant I didn’t want to go to because it means spending money I don’t want to spend on food I don’t want to eat, and he tells me to stop rambling on about the calories. He always says, “People are staring.” I say, “Who cares? As long as they don’t say anything to me, I’m fine.” At which time he either grimaces or sinks lower in the booth. We are not allowed to sit at tables with chairs. He can’t hide behind a chair. But I digress… I like vegetables. If cooked or marinated(with lots of low-calorie dressing) they are very tasty. I don’t eat things that taste like cardboard because I like to eat a lot. I do not “eat like a bird.” Birds eat stale bread and bugs. I don’t eat bugs (at least not intentionally). And while my family thinks I torture them with healthy food(whole wheat bread, brown rice, gallons of broccoli) no one else is allowed to critique what we eat. Keep it to yourself. I prefer my delusions to your perceptions of my reality.

So there it is! My epic rant. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it(even though you should probably take it with a grain of salt). Still, it feels like life is too short to not vent every now and again. In this instance, venting means laughing and letting go of all the ridiculous things I can’t control and just have to deal with. So if we are eating out at a restaurant, don’t give me a hard time for eating vegetables and I won’t give you a hard time while you eat a big greasy hamburger. Don’t ever tell me you are trying to obtain a beach body and never, EVER taunt me with candy from your candy dish. Because I will most likely take the candy you offer, gobble it in secret, and then quietly hate your ever living guts behind your back all the while conspiring over how to come back and take more when nobody is looking.

I feel better now. How about you?

On January 21, 2016   /   The Journey   /   2 Comments