5 Easy Steps to Reduce Your Girth

I have a friend at work who is struggling with depression. She suggested we get out of the office for our lunch break and “get some sunshine”. But it’s 25 degrees outside. Her remedy to this conundrum was to run errands at Sam’s Club. So there we were in Sam’s Club with an empty cart and a whole store at our disposal. And all I could think was, this is GREAT! So we walked around the store and picked out miscellaneous items we needed and a few we didn’t. We discussed all the healthy options available in the produce section. We oohed and ahhed at the merchandise that had been strategically placed for all the other disenfranchised shoppers who—let’s admit it—are in full blown shopping withdrawal. And we talked and laughed and then went back to the office, having left all of our troubles back at Sam’s Club. It was fantastic. We didn’t eat French fries or pizza. We didn’t suffer through the obligatory post-holiday lunch salad that was sure to put us off our feed(we did that yesterday). We just went and enjoyed ourselves with an impromptu scavenger hunt. I found dog food. She found a bath mat. I got my husband a special treat: bananas. It was the best fun I’ve had all week and it’s only Tuesday.

Jump, Jive and Wail

I woke up this morning with a full-on pout. By that I mean I had resolved to quit my job, start shopping at the food pantry(my husband said I’ll have to do this if I quit my job) and huddle under the covers with my best rabbit, and a tub of fudge. Let’s be real, life is hard sometimes. That’s why I have pets. Anyway, I really didn’t feel like working out. I mean, I can’t ride my bike(which really makes me bitter) and I can’t roller-skate. And I wasn’t in the mood to put on four layers of clothes to go walk outside in the arctic temperatures. I was in the middle of a psychic duel with my elliptical machine when it occurred to me that I would never win while lying in bed. So I gulped down some water, squeezed into my active wear, and gave that bully a walloping it won’t soon forget. And five minutes later I realized it had won but I kept exercising anyway. There was jumping. There was definitely jiving. And I swear, I only wailed once. Still, I felt great after the workout because increased blood flow makes my brain happy, and burning excess calories gives me a feeling of immense personal gratification.

Now tomorrow I will shake things up a bit and get more creative, but today, I win. Margaret: 1. Elliptical: .5. (You have to give it at least some credit for creaking and groaning under my increased girth)

Vegetable not Vegetate

This is the point in the blog where I switch gears and use my Julia Child voice to espouse the virtues of increased consumption of vegetables versus simple carbohydrates like cookies. Today I use cauliflower as my example of choice because it is kind of like the chicken of the vegetable world. By that, I mean it is versatile. My sister loves cauliflower and is adventurous with it. She makes a special side dish called Mock-aroni & Cheese, which is just like Macaroni and Cheese only made with cauliflower. It’s delish! And if you feel dinner isn’t dinner without white potatoes, remember, cauliflower is kind-of like potatoes. I mean, it’s white. And it grows in the ground. And seriously, it’s like the perfect comfort food without the guilt. If cauliflower is not your thing, then how about broccoli? Or green beans? Or fresh steamed carrots? Seriously, cut your protein portion in half, double the portion of a veggies you like to eat, and feed 75% of your carb portion to your pooch(because you love your pooch).

Stop Stressing – Stress is for Sissies

So you’ve gained a few pounds. Do not fester and boil about it. I mean, seriously, if you worry constantly about if you will ever fit into your skinny jeans again, you won’t have time for more important life stress like worrying about your children or grandchildren, and whether or not that electronic gadget they got for Christmas might become attached to their extremities by extended overuse. Besides, stress inhibits your body from burning excess calories. I say save your stress and take deep breaths instead. If you’re like me, you can stand at your desk (because your pants are too tight to sit) and meditate on how you are going to be happy that you are not eating gummy whatchamacallits. You can also meditate on the cool new exercise routine you are going to try tomorrow and the scavenger hunt you will have at the grocery store later while looking for the cool new veggie you are going to try.

See, reducing your girth is all rather simple when you think about it. And fun. Let’s not forget fun.